Reminders

They may only be little things, but there are things that connect us even when we are apart. Things that remind me of when P was here. Like sand in my car, a hair on the car seat, her smell on my pillow. The one main reminder of her is located in my airing cupboard. It's her kneeling cushion. It's fluffy and a light brown colour. A neat square of kneeling perfection. When P departed after our first weekend, she accidentally left the cushion behind. I emailed her to ask if she had left it on purpose and P replied that she had completely forgotten to take it with her. However we were both glad she had. It was something tangible, something real that I could touch, hold and snuggle into whenever I missed her. And I admit I missed her, a lot.

I found that having the cushion out in plain sight made the absence worse. The reminder was too much to bear. So I put the cushion away in the airing cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind. And so it was for a couple of weeks. Until P & I set our next date, Easter and she would be able to stay with me for over a week. A luxury for both of us. I was missing P in so many different ways. First as my friend. The weekend we spent together had enabled us to spend precious time together. We went out for drives along the coast, long walks on beaches, shopped together, ate and drank together. Laughed, shared stories and watched favourite films together. Bonding on a different level entirely compared to the D/s relationship.

As her Domme, the relationship had only just started. But my heart already ached for her. Inside there was a hole in my soul. I was missing a vital link, a part of me had departed and we were separated by miles and miles and miles. I missed her presence, her submissive soul, her entire being. I was almost bereft and I cried many tears in the first few days after she left. I wasn't prepared for such an emotional response. I knew that I would have to overcome this melancholy otherwise it would impinge on real life.

Once a new date had been set, I looked at the cushion more often. Then I began to take it out and hold it. I could feel P's presence on it and it made my Domme heart sing. So I kept putting it back. Until the day before she returned, then I removed it and placed it on what would be her bed for the duration of her stay. Where it should be, waiting for her to return.

P always leaves the cushion behind now. She discovered that it wasn't quite sufficient for her kneeling needs and is currently seeking a new one. But nothing will ever replace that cushion. She knows it helps me to get through the days and weeks until we meet again. I have struggled with the emotions within me when we are apart and gradually found ways to adapt so that I can carry on with real life and yet look forward to the next meetings rather than look back with sadness at the time lost.

There are so many reminders of her when she isn't here. And they linger for days after she has gone. But the cushion is a permanent reminder and will always be here, waiting for when she returns.