I want you to use me

P said those words to me two night ago when we were chatting online. Never have six words had so much impact on me before. She was sincere, honest, open, truthful and trusting of me that I could use her how I wished without breaking our trust or her hard boundaries. I admit my mind raced as soon as the words appeared in my chat window.

BDSM is all about three words - safe, sane and consensual. Safe - in that the people involved do not intentionally harm one another and all precautions are taken. Sane - it's not part of a crazed idea which would be both unsafe and insane. Consensual - both parties consent to acts that have been openly discussed or give their consent to acts that are within pre-determined boundaries. So using P has to remain within those parameters. If it doesn't then I am abusing her, and not 'using' her for my own (and her) pleasure.

Of course, we have established a level of trust over the last six months which means that we 'know' that what we choose to do isn't abuse. We are still on our bonding path and I always strive to ensure that whatever I do with P, it is safe, absolutely sane and consensual. Part of this is sharing fantasies, discussing articles or scenes we have read or just letting our imaginations go for a while. And another part of that allowing me to trust myself as P's Dominant not to let us down. That I know just how far I can push her, that I know where to draw the line and when to stop.

But that doesn't stop me from becoming excited beyond reason when I realise what I could do with P. All the possibilities laid bare before me are spine tingling, erotic, arousing and mind blowing. Novice that I am, I sometimes feel that what I experience is nothing new to many other Dominant out there with far more knowledge than I. However, we each have our own individual journeys and none are the same. All our paths are different. But I suspect that we all go through similar issues at some point on those paths.

I suspect that no matter how long P and I are together, I will always go weak at the knees when she says to me 'I want you to use me.' Inside my heart and stomach will leap, tie up in knots, my mind will go wild and I will think some dark desires that although may initially unnerve me, I will succumb and use her. For my own pleasure. And I will love every second.