Instructions

Being a dominant isn't just a case of wearing stereotypical clothes, wielding a whip and demanding to be called 'Mistress' or 'My Lady'. It's much more complicated than that. Before I decided to ask P to be my sub, I had already begun to research what a D actually means. What my role is, what my sub expects of me, what I expect of my sub. It's about creating an emotional bond between two people. A bond of complete trust.

During the weeks up to our first session, I quickly established a set of instructions or protocols for P to follow. She welcomed them as it helped her to prepare for our first session. My instructions included items I wanted her to use in preparation for her session and every subsequent session. How I expected her to present herself, how to address me, tasks I required her to do before our session. This excited P beyond words, made our situation real, gave her clear and concise instruction. She was also nervous but in a good way.

The instructions also led to us having intimate discussions about how I wanted her to dress, clothes she might buy specifically for her Lady, how much make up to wear, if she could use perfume. It was like a domino effect. She was excited to buy the specific purchases I had instructed her to obtain. She enjoyed shopping for the clothes. Her diaries reflected this and showed me how much she was embracing her submissiveness before we had even started a real session.

Me being me, meant that I had a struggle over what is essentially a simple issue. Whether to ask her to kneel before me. At that time, I wasn't properly separating friend from sub. In my mind's eye I saw my friend kneel before me, not my sub. I felt I was humiliating her, demeaning her. In reality it was none of those things. P had no problem doing this. She expected to do it and wanted to do it. But she wisely left me to sort out this dilemma for myself. It was only a few days during which I wrote my instructions that I struggled. All the other instructions came naturally and effortlessly. The kneeling aspect was something I had to come to terms with as a dominant. Finally when I knew I couldn't delay emailing my instructions to P, I ensured that the kneeling was included in the protocols for P when she first steps into my chamber.

For P it was not a big deal or a problem. She seemed to be embracing the submissive side of herself. As she often wrote to me in her early diaries, she had found a sense of real peace for the first time in her life. I wasn't, not yet. Though writing the instructions was exciting and arousing in equal measure. It helped to create the bond between us. Although there have been many steps in our bonding, there are probably many more steps to yet to come.

The one thing I learned from this single process was that clear instruction isn't just required once or twice or emailed and forgotten. They are constant. They are necessary to ensure both of us know what is required during a session, whether it be actual or online. They also helped to define both our roles and created a path for both of us to follow.