18 August 2009

My own Easter thoughts

As I always want both sides of the story to be told, here are some of my own thoughts on Easter which I sent to P. I was still going through emotional turmoil at this time and some of my diaries to P reflected those insecurities:

"So lovely to have you back with us again. 4 weeks. Sometimes it’s almost surreal, the journey, the friendship, everything. I have also been very emotional this weekend... All these weeks of anticipation, fretting, nerves. All I know is that when we are together... I feel complete inside. I hope She is still what you hoped for, what you want in a D. I find little aspects of her creeping through in quiet moments between us. But I don’t want Her to become me. It’s always surreal when we leave the room and go back into the living room that everything switches back to normal. Shopping in Sin Sins was very fulfilling. I think you can see why I love the shop so much. I hope it gave you a few ideas! But I also hope it didn’t scare you too much, but to be honest, some of the stuff there isn’t to my liking either. It’s all about personal taste and preferences. Sunday – I have too many emotions still inside me. I fear that I may have overstepped the mark. I have set boundaries for a reason, to keep Her separate from me. But showing you my new lingerie that I had chosen, flaunting myself in front of you, rubbing and teasing. That was something else. I wondered if I came across too strong, too hard. All the little fantasies emerging. I do feel we are getting closer as D/s and bonding in a truer sense. And although we discussed exploring and stretching your boundaries, I don’t want you to be too scared to tell me when to stop or you don’t like something. It is supposed to bring pleasure to both of us, and not be a one sided affair."

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