Head space

It's only three days until I travel to be with my Hussy for the weekend.  48 hours of bliss.  I will say that the D/s side won't take up all our time, well quite a bit, but our RL relationship is more important and I will make sure that this isn't overlooked or neglected.  But mentally preparing for the weekend is something both of us need to do.  I have just issued P with her instructions for the weekend.  They range from mentally and physically preparing herself to making sure the house is how I want it.  This is important for me as it makes her get into the right head space.  I will be ensuring she doesn't forget my presence in the house either before, during or after my visit.  I shall be making my own preparations.  Clothes, toys, tasks, planning and my own physical appearance.  I shall be preening and shaving so that I can give P something to aspire to.  Something for her to try and attain.  Of course there is an element of failure in all of this.  My instructions strive to indoctrinate her.  Mentally, getting into my own head space will enable me to dominate her from the first second we're together, if I so wish.  I like to add the element of surprise.  It adds to the excitement and I'm sure P will be in a semi state of constant arousal from now until we meet.  She won't know how I'm going to be until I decide.  I may appear to be calm and placid yet she knows that underneath, at any given moment, I can instruct her to do something, change her appearance, serve me, submit to my will.  She knows there is outstanding punishment for last week.  She knows she has her task reassigned to the weekend in my full presence.  She knows all this and it will help to ensure she adopts the right frame of mind.  I shall be ready to take her by the hand and bend her to my will.  And I can't wait...

Task reassinged

My Hussy was due to complete her last task on Saturday but as she was ill, she was unable to do so.  As I am visiting P at the weekend, I informed her that she will do the task in my presence.  Originally P was to go into Ann Summers and purchase an erotic novel for me telling the cashier that she was buying it for her Lady as she liked to read it while she serviced me.  I have now embellished the task.  We will visit a couple of shops together and I will choose an item that I can use on P and also an item for my own pleasure.  P will pay for them and when she does, she will tell the cashier that the items are for her Lady's pleasure.  I will be within earshot to ensure she doesn't fail.  I have given her an incentive to perform the task well and to my satisfaction.  The lure of reward.  Of course what form that reward takes will be of my own choosing.  We have sourced a couple of good adult shops in the city where she lives and take advantage of the nearby shopping centre too.  So we can spend some of Saturday doing what girls do best shopping!  But in the best kink way.

Temporary Relief

Hussy has had a rollercoaster, emotional week.  Although I haven't posted it here, she posted on Thursday on FetLife how broken she felt.  I have taken her to her lowest point and she has pulled herself up onto her knees and carried on.  She is stronger than she thought.  Yesterday she should have completed her final task amongst the many I set as part of her punishment.  Sadly she text me to say she was having a migraine attack, had been sick and couldn't go out.  She stayed in bed most of the day until she felt well enough to eat, drink and come online to chat to me later.

When I consider all the tasks she has completed, despite the photography/laptop fiasco on Tuesday night, she has successfully achieved all other goals set.  Her lines were sent on time and I received them on Wednesday, she posted her self punishment article on Wednesday on FetLife and emailed my diary early on Friday night.  Her diary was illuminating, totally honest and reassured me that she was strong enough to cope with all that had happened during the last week.

I am not cruel, well not sadistically cruel.  I do like to inflict but I'm not here to abuse her.  I'm here to guide my Hussy and sometimes that involves punishment for her own good.  But it's all done out of my love for her and she knows this.  One thing it has done is make her realise what she really wants.  She wrote in her last diary "This is what I want, You as my Lady is what I want and what I need.  You fulfil an aspect of me that I never fully realised was there.  I had suspicions, but a spot of kink in a vanilla relationship is vastly different to the levels You have taken me to in Your Chamber.  I now realise more than ever how much strength it takes to submit, to give away control, to trust someone else so completely."  As I read the diary with a sense of pride she concluded with "I want to serve You, to honour You, to give You a reason to have pride in me.  You give me reason.  My failings are great but I know that You are ready to teach me, prepared to be patient with me, to mould me into something fitting of You."  I can't really ask for anything more of my Hussy than that.

So from this moment on, her ban is lifted.  Until a time and date to be appointed next week so that she can return to her sub mind and prepare for my imminent visit.  In balance, I think lifting the ban will benefit both of us and provide her with even more impetus to serve me to the best of her abilities.

FAO: My Hussy - A very public lecture

I am posting this here for my Hussy to read.  As I have made this public she should appreciate and understand it even more.  I was going to say this in private but decided to post it here to ensure it has the right impact.

You know how deeply disappointed I am following your failure to deliver your weekly diary on time last Friday.  You were sent your instructions two days beforehand.  Also writing me a diary isn't exactly a new concept for you.  You told me on Thursday you were going out with some RL friends and I have no wish to interfere with your RL however I reminded you of your diary deadline as you were going out at 7pm and didn't know what time you would be home.  You said that you would send it on time.  The next day you emailed me to state specifically that you were going home early so you could complete your diary prior to going out.  However, you went out and my inbox remained empty.  You text me about 11pm to say you were on your way home and expected to be punished.  This meant you knew you'd deliberately missed my deadline.  You gave me a reason rather than an excuse, but these are the same thing.  You wanted to send me quality rather than something inferior and decided to miss the deadline to do this.  Eventually I received it 61 minutes late.

You should have informed me on Friday evening when you made this decision to miss my deadline so that I could be forewarned.  It wouldn't have changed the outcome but at least I would have known rather than stare at an empty inbox.  My ire stems not only from the missed deadline but because you told me that you were coming home to make sure the diary was complete and sent on time.  Then you decided not to.  Whatever your reason is not the point.  You decided otherwise.  Let me ask you if this had been one of your pupils who gave you the same reason for not doing homework would you feel any different?  I doubt it.

So I have devised some tasks for you to complete this week.  They are meant to teach you a valuable lesson as my submissive that I will not tolerate lateness with diaries.  Not one minute late let alone 61 with a poor reason attached.  At our e-session I made you punish yourself and denied you orgasm.  You are currently on a touching ban until further notice however you are still expected to do your daily training without any relief afforded to you.  Yesterday you completed your 100 lines and then had problems sending me the photographic evidence.  Not once did you suggest Skype to get round this problem and show them to me on web cam.  I trust they are in the first class post as we speak.  Eventually you managed to workaround the problem and email them to me 12 minutes late.  Tonight you successfully completed the second part of your tasks by posting your e-session punishment experience on FetLife.  I will be asking certain other dominants to read it and possibly comment.

You now have two other tasks to complete by Saturday.  One of which involves posting your experience on FetLife again.  I do not expect any excuse with your diary this Friday.  You have had these instructions since Sunday.  My ire will not be satiated until you have completed your list of tasks.  You need to be taught a stern lesson.  Of course physical punishment still remains until we meet again which is very soon now.  I might start keeping a tally book against you.  But even if I don't you know I always keep score and never lose count.  I know that you are ashamed of failure but you also have to accept your failure, complete your punishment and learn from this.  You need to take more care and attention to deadlines.  I will not accept any reason or excuse just as you wouldn't from one of your pupils.  You must find a way to prioritise yourself when it comes to deadlines and that means working things around your private life.

Believe me Hussy if this happens again, the list of punishments will grow and become worse.  Just for my readership, I am also posting a photo of your completed lines for everyone to see.  Consider this a lecture to you in private, made very public.  When we do meet again I expect complete submissiveness and grateful servitude towards your Lady.

If you can't do the time...

My Hussy failed to deliver her weekly diary on time.  Missed by one hour and one minute.  I was able to administer some long distance punishment via our e-session on Saturday night but her physical punishment is still outstanding until my visit to her in a couple of weeks time.  However in the meantime I can devise a series of mental punishments meant to ensure she knows how disappointed I am in my Hussy.  I sent her an email earlier detailing her tasks and additional punishments.  I haven't had any kind of response yet.  I expect that when she read it, she took a deep intake of breath.  One of her tasks is to post on FetLife by Tuesday night, so if you're a member don't forget to check out the Writings Section for Lady_Xanax's_Hussy.  In fact she has two FetLife posts to complete by the end of the week as well as my usual diary and one other additional punishment.  She is also on a continuous touching ban (apart from her pussy & anal training).  There is no time limit set for this to end.  It's completely at my discretion and she knows this.

I hope that by this weekend, all tasks will be completed, the lesson is suitably learned and I have one very humble and chastised Hussy.  Probably climbing the walls knowing I'm free to pleasure myself as often as I wish.  Well if you can't do the time...

Normal service has resumed

After a day of self doubts and a semi emotional crisis, P text me when she read my earlier post regarding my feelings.  We chatted online for a while and she was happy for me to postpone the e-session until tomorrow when I might be in a better frame of mind.  I said I wanted to do the session as we'd arranged for tonight.  I view it rather like falling off a bike.  If you fall off, you get straight back on again.  If you don't, you won't have the courage to continue.  So I said we'd do the session.  And I was so glad that we did.  Everything just clicked back into place so easily.  My mindset returned and I was focused on my Hussy completely.  Having to punish her probably helped with the process.  I always write up our sessions so I can remember what I've done, what's worked and what hasn't, how P has felt and what she's said.  It helps me to plan for future sessions.  I had FetLife open on the laptop and I received a message from a stranger.  A dom who had read my erotic piece I had posted a few days ago.  His words were so uplifting and gave me a much needed boost of confidence that I was doing the right thing.  And that P had a special and discerning mistress.  So a stranger helped to link the circle and reconnect me.  I feel whole and complete again.  Normal service has resumed.

It's that old devil called doubt again

Why today of all days should my old doubts and fears return?  Strong enough to make me question who I am, why I do this, what am I doing it for and most importantly should I be doing this?  I did this once before and my guilt over domination became so great I ran away from it for six months only to recently return.  I never read of this on anyone else's blog or journals.  May be I am too honest and admit to being a human being.  I know that P has no problems with her submission.  I have struggled on and off to accept my dominant side, embrace it and enjoy it.  It all sounds rather stupid doesn't it.  We are having an e-session tonight but I sat here earlier and thought about calling it off.  I couldn't go through with it.  Emotionally I was brought to tears as I looked at what everyone else has been doing on FetLife and felt a rather ineffectual dominant.  I felt I was only playing around with it, that I was almost a fraud in the BDSM culture.  But someone told me today that my experiences are no more invalid than hers, just different rungs of the same ladder.

P has always said I put too much pressure on myself to deliver as her Lady and I know that's true.  I should learn to step back, embrace and enjoy it and not be consumed by guilt.  She loves me in all ways and being D/s is just one small facet of our relationship.  In RL things are equal and loving.  Often she is my rock and my shoulder to cry on.  In RL I am far less expressive and unable to open up properly.  Love has always alluded me until we met.  I have a lot of baggage that she has slowly been chipping away at.  As her Domme, I free myself for a while of these chains and am able to express myself.  I am an enigma, complex and deep spirited.  Even I don't understand myself sometimes.

I did what I always do, I gave myself a stern talking to and got on with life.  I made myself stop blubbing and being pitiful.  I made myself see that every other aspect of my life is wonderful and bless what I have been given.  And I should bless this side of me just as much.  I shouldn't keep on seeing the negative, but focus on what pleasures this gives me, the positive effect is has on me and let me dominant soul sing.

Oops!

I've checked my in-box and find it empty when it should read 'one new message'.  A deadline missed, not just by minutes but in so many more ways.  Is it defiance?  Is it rebellion?  I ponder how my Hussy could be like this as she hasn't failed quite so badly for a while.  I accept we all have RL to deal with but her instruction was issued two whole days ago.  She told me rather late last night that she had been invited out with some of her vanilla work colleagues.  Not a problem, I said, I don't want to interfere with RL.  But a deadline is a deadline and I expect it to be adhered to.  She should know this by now.  She should know that it displeases me.  Her diary should be with me but she isn't home yet and she failed to send it before she went out.  I am deeply disappointed.  She will expect to be punished, she knows this.  Discipline is required and it shall be meted out.  Am I being cruel or too strict?  May be, may be not.  This is all about perspective.  My perspective is an instruction with a specific deadline was issued and she has failed to comply.  Tomorrow I will get the apologies and may be a reason for her failure.  But she knows she has failed.  That will shame her.  She feels the shame of failing me keenly.  And she will atone for her failure.  I will teach her a lesson and expect her to learn from her mistakes, to learn from my discipline, to accept my authority and try harder next time.  I will tell her it is part of her submission and acceptance of my dominance, how I guide her to be a better hussy for me.  And I shall secretly smile as I do all of this.  Oops indeed!

Finding my voice

Well it's not even been a week since I joined FetLife and it is certainly proving to be something I wish I'd done a long time ago.  It's lovely to have complete strangers say hello and have a genuine interest in who I am and ask sensible questions.  I have been able to engage in proper adult conversation about the life style without any prejudice or preconceived ideas.  It's been most refreshing and a welcome outlet other than this blog.  It's been good to talk as the old BT advert once said.  Of course I'm not naive.  I'm sure there are time wasters and I will eventually get my fair share of being pestered as I am a Domme on the site.  If it happens, I'll deal with it.  But I have realised that it is human conversation, however it's conducted, with like minded individuals that I've missed the most.  It's not exactly the kind of thing you can drop into a dinner conversation when someone says 'and what do you like to do in your spare time?'  'Well actually I'm a Domme and I have a hussy sub' would rather kill any party stone dead amongst vanillas.  Although a part of me would rather enjoy the reaction afterwards!

I am happy to chat to anyone so I have been able to engage with both dominants and submissives and treat them all the same.  P has also joined FetLife and I'm sure it will be even more beneficial for her.  Being able to chat to others like herself and find some real friends in the life style.  Empathy is a great thing.  There are lots of groups and some already have topics which strike a chord within both our souls.  It has been refreshing to be so open when this aspect of my soul is closely guarded and kept hidden from my vanilla life.  Which I'm sure many of you out there can appreciate.  I've had funny and serious conversations in equal measure and found some fetishes listed also brought a smile to my face.  There are three listed for 'David Tennant' which I did as a search just for fun!  Certainly appeals to my Whovian geekness!

FetLife has brought me out of my shell and allowed me to fly, stretch my wings and find my voice.  It's a liberating experience for both of us.

My own pleasure

The reawakening of my mojo has had one super side affect - great orgasms! I have had some beautiful ones over the last two or three days, probably helped by the end of my cycle and a sudden rise in my libido! So my trusty bullet has been my faithful friend. It's not often I achieve a multiple but this has also happened twice so I count myself as blessed. My body is responding as our D/s becomes more connected. I am just enjoying the release and endorphins that go with them. I feel the glow of happiness and it probably shows too. It's not something I would have admitted, let alone publicly written about before now but now my confidence has allowed me to say it out loud. And be proud of it too!

Tonight

I text her this morning 'no panties rule today', she replied 'I have followed my lady's wishes'. She is on a touching ban and feels it keenly. I have received her diary and know her innermost thoughts. She can not hide from me. She has her written instructions sent by email - how to present herself to me, what to wear, items she needs with her. She will have the nipple clamps she was told to buy, she knows they will be used on her, by her. Now she is preparing - bathing, shaving, shaking with anticipation of what is to come. She will speak her mantra to herself as she looks in the mirror and sees the reflection of who she truly is. My Hussy and my Slut. I control and deny her by my words. Tonight I will speak and she will do my bidding, for I am her Lady. And it feels good.

FetLife

I've known about FetLife for a while but never considered joining it. Mainly because I felt like a fraud. Why? Because for a long time, I've felt I'm just playing around with D/s and people on forums and communities such as FetLife would just ignore me. It's all about acceptance, and that's what everyone wants from life. To be part of something. But an email I received this week has made me look at this differently. Or rather me differently. FetLife (which I'm sure many of you know) is the BDSM equivalent of Facebook and MySpace, but run by kinsters for kinksters. I suppose I wasn't ready to broadcast my existence to a far wider internet audience. Since regenerating the blog and rediscovering my mojo, I have pondered FetLife several times. The email finally made me realise that I shouldn't be scared to say who I am and be proud of this part of my life.

So I've taken the plunge and signed up. It's only been a couple of days and I haven't had time to really start to explore the community, the groups, discussions or make any friends yet. My profile is blank apart from some basic information but I intend to resolve this over the weekend. So if anyone out there would like to join me as a friend on FetLife, my ID there is Lady_Xanax. I'm sure it will take a while to find my way round it and get familiar with how to post or join discussions but I hope to meet lots of new friends. I am happy to chat to anyone whether you're a top, bottom, dom(me), male or female, sub, straight, gay, bi or whoever you chose to be. The important thing for me is to learn and share this whole experience. So now I've taken the plunge, please look me up!

text domme

I've done this a few times and I love doing it. On a Friday night after work, P goes down the local pub with her work colleagues for an hour or so probably to have a good gossip. This afternoon I sent her a text, an instruction from me. When she got to the pub, she had to go straight to the ladies and remove her panties and not wear any until tomorrow morning. Then she has to write about her experience and email it to me by 11pm tonight. At 16.37, I duly received a text telling me that she had complied with my instructions. I love this kind of domination and manipulation of someone. Of course I have to trust she has done this. But I know she does. Once when we were out food shopping, I told her to go to the ladies and take off her knickers. When she returned I eased my hand over her skirt and felt her bum. She squirmed at my touch and I smiled. The illicit thought of walking round the supermarket with no knickers showed on her face and in my psyche. I think I shall be doing this more often.

Tease and Denial

One of the ways I control P is denial. Quite often in the day or so before we have a session, whether an e-session or physically together in my Chamber I put her on a ban. I view training as non-pleasurable as she must not use it to orgasm with. It's purely training to keep her pussy and anus supple for me and my play. Sometimes I will ban both. When P is seriously aroused and begging for an outlet, I will use denial to restrain her. Not physically but mentally. P was on a 24 hour touching ban before our e-session on Saturday. It helps to ensure she concentrates on what it means to be my hussy and get her into the right head space. After the emotional session for her, I left the ban in place until Sunday night. Then I allowed her to pleasure herself for 24 hours. She was eternally grateful to me for untying her mental bonds.

Of course there is an element of trust here. I trust P that she does as I ask her even though I am not physically there to witness or oversee things. I believe she trusts that I also make the right decisions in our D/s relationship. I know sometimes she sulks and gets frustrated when I do ban her. P can be petulant! But that just adds to the thrill, and can bring out the worst in me. She hasn't been under a ban for longer than a couple of days but I might change that. We are due to see each other again at the end of this month, and I am thinking of how long to put her under a touching ban in the run up to my visit. This time I am visiting her. I already have ideas of what to do, apart from just being together for a weekend.

P informed me that she had purchased the nipple clamps I ordered her to do. She also seemed to have gone on a shopping spree while she was in the shop telling me she was now in possession of the sluttiest lingerie she'd ever bought. I look forward to her wearing it. She had been allowed to touch herself for 24 hours from Sunday night and subsequently another ban had followed suit. So by last night, a combination of her shopping trip and our MSN conversation P was suitably fit to burst. I graciously allowed her another 24 hours pleasure time which has now expired. I think you get the drift of this week - 24 hours on, 24 hours off.

I started to engage with P the notion that I would take our D/s outside the Chamber when I visit her. At first she thought I meant outside literally as in public. I reassured her this wasn't the case. By outside, I meant outside the Chamber but still within the confines of her house. I explained how she could serve me. Simple things like waiting on me, fetching me a cup of tea, massaging my feet, kneeling beside me just content to be at my feet. Then I teased her some more. I gave her a scenario. To help me to bathe. This is know is one of her personal fantasies. Make sure the bathroom is all ready with bubble bath and sparkling wine, candles and incense. Well by the end of this little conversation, P was suitably aroused and excited. For me the arousal comes from the power aspect. The power to have someone do my bidding, how I want it, when I want it. It's not just about P being my play toy although that does have definite fringe benefits. But getting her to dress how I want her, slutty or hussy, parade around for me and do as I tell her. That's the real turn on. To use her as I wish. What more could a dominant ask for?

Tonight P has her ban lifted for 24 hours, then it's back to mental restraint and denial. How long for I don't know yet. And I'm not going to give away the answer here as P avidly reads my blog and is one of my followers. Otherwise the surprise would be lost. I'm already planning our e-session knowing she had bought the nipple clamps. And although I won't be able to physically do the deed, making her do it to herself, show me and then progress from there, is enough of a mental stimulation to make P shiver. To see her squirm, be embarrassed or fear what she has to do is a buzz for me on every level. I think I need to find a dark corner before I get too excited at the prospect!

A different kind of e-session

And so to Saturday night. Our first e-session since getting back into the zone. I had decided we would use Skype, with myself as voice audible only to P but I could view and hear her with her web cam. Thus it would replicate the Chamber. I had emailed P her instructions a couple of days beforehand so she knew what I wanted in terms of her appearance. I got more and more nervous as the time neared (11pm). Why I don't know. I suppose I didn't know if it would affect me the same way it does P. She finds the e-sessions very arousing, stimulating and defining. For her they reinforce our connection and our bond as D/s. Her diary had arrived on time, so I had a chance to read her thoughts concerning our previous session together. She admitted in her diary that she had failed with my verbal instruction for her to verbalise physically the words 'hussy' and 'slut' rather like an affirmation twice daily, morning and night. She finds written instructions easier to follow and remember than verbal ones. At first we just chatted for a few minutes to make sure it was all working properly and that I had the right view of her. Then we began.

First I thanked her for the diary and informed her that she would receive punishment for not speaking her affirmations. I calculated this should have been said ten times by our e-session. Then I did what I always did in session and inspect her, to make sure she was to my specification. She removed her bathrobe and displayed her breasts. I told her to stand. Front view. Bare pussy, as I like it. I told her to turn round. Rear view. I told her to bend over. P did so and reached behind her to part her bum cheeks and display her bare arse. Very fulfilling. Satisfied that P had prepared herself to my liking, I told her to turn round to face me again before kneeling back down. I decided that she should be punished for failing to comply with my instruction. She would stand naked turned away from me, hands behind her head facing her bedroom window (which I could see over her shoulder) for 5 minutes. Her curtains were open and the lights were on. Plenty of embarrassment factor although I know she doesn't overlook any other houses, just an office which would be empty. Unless anyone happened to be walking down the street glanced up... P stood up and did as she was told. I was rewarded with a grand view of her pale, rounded backside while I watched the clock. It's rather like placing a child on the naughty spot. It works well.

The five minutes probably seemed like hours to P until I told her the time was up. Gratefully she returned to kneel. I asked her how she felt. She said she was humbled, humiliated and embarrassed by the punishment. Good. That's what it should do. P was suitably chastised though physical punishment would still be outstanding and meted out at our next real session. I asked if P had moisturised her body after preparing it. She said no as she didn't know whether she would want me to demonstrate. P was starting to know how my mind worked. I told her to show me how she moisturised. P asked if it was full body or just certain areas. I told her to do her breasts first. P showed me her bottle of moisturiser before starting to apply it. She rubbed it into her skin, massaging her breasts one at a time. Over and under, making sure every part was soft and smooth. She paid extra attention to her lovely nipples. When she completed her task she resumed her kneeling position.

I said nothing, then told her to moisturise her pussy and anus. Again P began to do this. She stood up so I had a clear view, propping one leg up on the bed next to her. I watched as she carefully and diligently applied the moisturiser. Then she turned around to repeat the process, carefully fingering her arse to rub in the lotion. Then she cleaned her hands before resuming her humble position in front of her laptop. I asked her how it felt to do this act before me. P admitted it felt odd, being observed when she had only ever this in private. It was usually part of her ritual that enabled her to get into her sub zone mentally. She also added that it was exciting to do it while being watched. It was good to hear that these little things could be perverted.

I told P that she needed to restart her training which I know she had missed greatly. She was also a apprehensive that she may not be able to do so much as she used to, given the enforced hiatus. I reassured her that we would take it step by step and if there were any problems, we would stop. It was only natural that muscles would tighten and not be used to penetration after a period of stoppage. I allowed P time to move the laptop so I could see her on the bed. She took with her gloves, lube and her butt plugs. She asked if I could see her, I could. I told her to start with her fingers and then move on to the plugs if possible. But I wanted her to tell me what she was doing as she trained under my supervision. So P started her training. She lay on her side, back facing me, legs bent up slightly. Using a lubed glove, she began with one finger. She found this easier than she anticipated and soon used two fingers. She asked if she could go use the small plug and I agreed. Carefully she eased this between her bum cheeks and soon it disappeared. P held it in place before pumping it in and out. She moaned and wiggled. I told her off. This was training not pleasure. She apologised and continued her training in silence. P said that she could go onto the medium plug in her set of three. Again I agreed. P removed the small plug and lubed up the medium plug. Slowly P began to insert it, angling it before it seemed to be swallowed whole. P sighed and moved her hips to ensure she was comfortable. Again she held it before pumping it. I asked how it felt and she said it was good. Easier than she imagined it would be. For several minutes she stretched and retrained her anus to the joys of anal play. Then she said that she was beginning to feel sore so I told her to stop, clean herself and go back to her original kneeling position.

It took a few minutes for P to do this and settle back down again. I allowed her to rest for a few minutes and drink water to ensure she was hydrated as a session always affected her. Once P was ready, she knelt before me in front of her laptop. She bowed her head. I thanked her for showing me her training. I asked her what it had been like. She was surprised how easy it had been though she couldn't go on for as long as she had done a few months ago. This was only to be expected. I told her to resume her training on a nightly basis, accepting that it wasn't always possible to do this but it should be a regular occurrence. P assured me she would do this. I told P to kneel upright and to pinch her nipples. There was no hesitation to my instruction as she began to pinch them between her fingers. She was to keep doing this until I told her to stop. Her breasts bounced around as she did so, her nipples soon upright and developing a rosy glow from the abuse. P moaned and tried to suppress any pain she felt. I told her to make sure they were sharp pinches just like I would do. I was going to tell her to stop when P said she felt lightheaded. She slumped down and breathed heavily. I realised she was having one of her turns. Sometimes she felt the sessions too keenly and the mixture of emotions and adrenalin would take their toll. It was nearing the end of the hour so I naturally wound the session down. I told P that I wanted her to purchase some nipple clamps that we had seen out shopping together the week before by Wednesday this week. P nodded. I told her to freshen up, rest, drink and eat before formally ending the session.

It's only by doing our e-session like this, visually, that I was able to see and experience how deeply this works for P. I had my doubts but now I have none. At first I was anxious about how I could control P like this but again, my anxieties have disappeared. By the end of the session, I was revelling in the level of control I had over her. I know that P has a huge submissive streak running through her soul and she is never one to question my instructions unless they involve her hard limits. There is never any struggle mentally or physically. But essentially P was like my play toy. I said, she did. I watched and observed, sometimes coldly, sometimes excitedly. Sometimes I know I'm still adjusting to this power I have over another human being. Power and yet responsibility. The one thing that neither of us had on Saturday night was touch. I couldn't hold her or give her the proper aftercare she needed. P said she knew I was there in spirit but when she was in need of her Lady, I couldn't touch her. However, I know my voice and soothing words were enough for her to know I care for her.

I think we both learned a lot about this first foray into web cam e-session and I am planning our second on this Saturday night. I can learn from what happened to both of us and improve on it. We both should feel more positive about it even if we both get butterflies beforehand. But I am certain that it will help us to maintain our bond, may be even take e-sessions onto a different level. I'm sure this is old news to those who have been doing this already. But for us, it's all about beginnings. Well everyone has to start somewhere.

Next Steps

P always says that when we're together in the Chamber, she has no concept of time. I am the clock watcher, checking the clock to make sure that P isn't gagged for too long, restrained unduly without cutting off the blood supply, that I don't get carried away with the plug or vibrator so she gets sore. Time is constant for me in the Chamber, it's a check and balance. For P, she has no idea how long a session lasts, let alone how long she has been gagged, spanked, flogged or anything else that takes my fancy. Time is relevant in so many ways for us. The days, weeks and hours we are apart as we live almost 200 miles apart is one aspect and probably the most important one for us on both levels. As our D/s and also in our real life relationship. I know it is 3 weeks and 5 days until we're together again when I make the drive across country to see her for the weekend. It's been 7 nights since P left me to go back to her home and her real life. And though we miss each other every day, we've learned to use that distance and separation as something to make us stronger.

We both have good careers which keep us busy, other friends and family to occupy our time. Real life is constant and a good way of distracting us when the going gets tough. But we chat to each other every day, mostly via messenger but also email, Skype and the good old fashioned telephone. I often write to P, cards and letters. I'm old fashioned that way. Now that my mojo is well and truly re-established, I am keen to maintain our bond and reconnect with P when we are apart. That means going back to e-sessions.

I always wondered if they really worked, whether they were effective in helping us get through the weeks we were apart. P reassured me that they did even though last year it was done via messenger which often made the e-sessions quite long and drawn out while I waited for her to complete her instruction and type back to me. Neither of us had the technology for video etc. A year on, we have the technology which is a little scary. I am very camera shy and find using web cam rather intimidating. I know, a dominant intimidated by technology is quite funny. But it does. But if we're going to make our D/s work this time, then I know we both have to embrace it. I know I'm going to make mistakes, probably freak out a little over it but I don't want it to defeat me. I want to know if being visual/verbal with each other will give me the same effect as messenger sessions have done with P.

With messenger I could use my imagination more. I would give the instruction and visualise in my mind P on her bed, doing my bidding and there was a huge amount of arousal and power derived from this method. I'm apprehensive that some of that power may be lost in using Skpye or video messenger. I don't know why. Logically the power should increase and be reinforced as P can hear and see me and react instantly rather than have the passage of time in between written comments. It should be almost as if we're both in the same room, apart from the fact I can't physically touch her. A regret but something I should be able to overcome.

During the last week, I decided that I would have an e-session on Saturday night. Normally Friday's is 'our' night whether e-session or a 'share' between us which ranges from D/s to personal ones. However with both of us going back to work last week, I suspected we'd both be tired Friday night and a session wouldn't be appropriate. I had given P some verbal instruction to complete daily and wondered if she would remember. A diary was also be required before the e-session took place, a regular deadline. I discussed the options open for us concerning conducting our e-session and I wanted us to try Skype which P was very happy with. She suggested that I use my headphones so she could only hear my voice, while I could see her with her web cam. This would replicate being in my Chamber as P often says she doesn't see much of me with her eyes downcast or blindfolded. She merely hears my voice unless I allow her to look at me.

I sent P her written instructions by email so she was clear in how I wanted her physically and mentally. I also put her on a touching ban from Friday night, I was feeling generous! And as the week progressed, I thought more and more about Saturday night and what I would want her to do. I wanted to keep it simple, and again, about an hour in duration. That word time again. I didn't want to put any pressure on us or more importantly me. Otherwise things would start to unravel very quickly and my old fears would return. But at least now I understand where I went wrong personally and don't want to repeat those old mistakes. I love what I do too much. I get too aroused and enjoy the power and domination too much to want to run away for a second time. I know that P feel so much calmer and at peace now that we have resumed our D/s side of things. But it is only one aspect of our overall relationship. It does make us closer and we share something very special. I'm no expert with D/s, I would never pretend to be. What we do is our way and if it works for us, that's all that matters.

So our next challenge is to embrace 21st Century technology and use web cams and voice to control and dominate. Nerve wracking - yes, scary - yes, fear of the unknown - yes. I'm sure many other D/s couples of whatever persuasion use this regularly and effectively. But doing it for the first time is daunting. I didn't know if I would be able to command and maintain my domination, whether P would be in the right zone mentally. That I would lose my way, get tongue tied, embarrassed and lose the flow of session. I had to get into my own head space if I was going to get this right and make it work. After going through such a long break when the mojo was lost, I didn't want to turn tail and fail again. So when I got to last night, I literally had to take a deep breath and just dive in. P has complete faith in me as her Domme and in my abilities. She knows that e-sessions have worked for us in the past. She was more than ready to embrace the new. Now I just had to have a little faith in myself.

The Return of Her Lady

It wasn't until Sunday that I ventured back into my alter ego. P was returning home the next day, and we enjoyed going out and being together on Friday and Saturday especially as the weather had turned warmer and a lot drier. On Sunday afternoon I told P that I wanted to take her to bed but again kept the rest of it to myself. I went from one room to another carefully preparing the scene in my head and in reality. I was going to stick to the basics. I laid out a large towel, flogger, blindfold, wrist restraints and nipple clamps. Just within reach but on the floor were a pack of my favourite pink latex gloves and the lube bottle. Finally I got out my scene clothes. P was in the living room and later she told me that when she saw my kitten heel shoes in my hand, her heart leaped at the sight. It meant her Lady had returned. She wasn't expecting another scene before she had to go so anything I offered was an added bonus. I dressed and felt quite calm. Not my usual nervous self. I decided it would be no more than an hour and would focus on those things that excited both of us. Before P came in, I told her to bring her camera bag.

She knelt before me and I offered my hand to be formally kissed. Then I told P to take some photos of me, photos that represented me as she saw me. P became the professional as she asked me to pose and took about twenty or so photos. I want some more so that I can put a few on this blog at a later date but was pleased with what she took especially as it was on the spur of the moment. When the camera had returned to its case, I told her to take off her outer garments. P had obviously anticipated a session but never dared think it would happen as she revealed her pretty black and pink bra/pantie set. I inspected her before taking her breasts out of her bra. I started to play with her full, rounded breasts something that excited her as well as made her gasp with that little bit of shock. I flogged them and pinched her nipples. Then I applied the nipple clamps which have bells on the end. I made her wiggle and dance her breasts up and down, round and round so the bells rang. Just for my amusement. Taking off the nipple clamps caused P to stifle her yelps. I smiled.

P made a decision many moons ago never to swear. It was one of her hard boundaries that I didn't tell her to say swear words such as fuck, shit, wanker etc. However, I viewed the words 'hussy' and 'slut' as acceptable and not swear words. She readily accepted them when I told her she was my hussy or my slut. In her diaries she often used the words, but she had never spoken them out loud. So I told her to repeat my words. 'I am a hussy' and 'I am a slut' out loud. She hesitated and I had to tell her louder and quite sharply to say them. At first I could barely hear them until I flogged her breasts making her say them loud enough for me to hear. I enjoyed the look of embarrassment on her face as she spoke the dreaded words. I made her repeat them several times for my pleasure.

When I was satisfied, my flogger turned its attention to her plump backside. I began to swipe it across with her panties still on. Each smack made her jerk before I bent her forward. Then I ripped them off so I had the whole area to play with. I soon created a rosy glow which always arouses me. I kept flogging, simply enjoying what it did to her, what it did to me. Then I indulged myself in some hussy worship and laid myself face down on the bed. I told her to kiss my bum which she is always so good at. I lay there as she diligently set about her task which aroused me immensely. After a few minutes of this, I told her to stop. Which I know always disappoints her as she loves doing it so much. I told her to lay on the bed. I moved my equipment aside and spread out the towel so she could lay on it, on her back. I placed the blindfold over her eyes and told her to lift her arms up over her head. I applied the wrist restraints before stuffing her panties in her mouth. This was another aspect that I knew humiliated her. Sometimes it was the simplest things that were the most effective. I placed the wooden spoon in her hand and told her to drop it instead of using her safe word as she was now unable to speak. She nodded to demonstrate that she understood. I walked around the bed so that I could gaze down on her. I pushed up P's legs, bending them at the knees and spread her thighs wide apart. I was tempted to get her camera back out and take some photos of her exposed, restrained, blind and mute ready for the taking. I didn't. May be next time...

I put the nipple clamps back on before I flogged her exposed pussy. This made her jump and moan deliciously. I smiled and enjoyed my time playing with my hussy. Then I decided to reacquaint P with anal training. As it had been a while since she had done any anal training, I decided I wouldn't do it for any great length of time. I would be guided by her. As P was blindfolded, I knew she would be relying on her other senses to know what was happening. I took a glove and snapped it on. I love the feeling of my pink latex gloves and the power they have. She seemed to shiver at the sound of the glove. Then I lubed my fingers. Ah this was going to be so good...

First my index finger. It slid in relatively easily. I held it in position up to my knuckle before pumping it in and out. There was little resistance and soft mewing noises emanating from my hussy's stuffed mouth. I removed my index finger and applied more lube before reinserting my index finger, joined with my middle finger. I felt the familiar clamp around them as I pushed inside P, reclaiming her again. More mewing noises. I stretched my fingers apart and pumped her arse. It felt good. The stretch made P writhe a little which was an added bonus. She needed to be reminded it was training and my pleasure not hers. I told her to be still and not move, she nodded. I knew how much she loved anal especially when I did it to her, so restraining her emotionally as well as physically was always a rush.

I removed my fingers and picked up the small plug. I told her what was coming next. I lubed it up and parted her bum cheeks before lining it up. With the right angle it soon entered her. I watched as I pushed it slowly and she swallowed it. Her muscle was ripe and willing, her arse wanton. Soon it was fully inserted and I was a happy mistress. I pumped and twisted it, more mewing sounds. I continued for about 5 minutes before I saw the signs that P was getting sore. Her body was reacting so I removed it. P signalled she needed me, so I removed her panties from her mouth. She was overwhelmed emotionally, so I sat her up before giving her some water. She thanked me and I waited for her to calm down. Then I removed the nipple clamps which made P bite down on her bottom lip and finally her wrist restraints and blindfold. Her tolerance for punishment or clamps had obviously reduced during our sabbatical. I decided that our session which had been going on for about an hour had reached a natural conclusion and ended it.

Afterwards I gave her the aftercare she needed as she knelt at my feet. I held her and her whole body trembled for a while until she recovered. Then I offered my hand and she kissed it, thanking me for allowing her back into my presence. The rest of the evening was just me and P as 'us'. I can assure you I was a horny bitch on heat and everything else was wonderful. I had already planned to do an e-session, may be using web cam instead of messaging. Something we've never done before. So we were back on track, and her Lady had returned.