The Lady is back...

It’s been a long time since my last post.  And much has happened during the intervening months.  Mainly on a personal level so that D/s had effectively stopped.  The reasons for this are varied and I don’t want to go into great detail about it.  I had many things happening at home and I also found myself being more concerned with the real life relationship which had developed between us rather than D/s.  I also tended to put a lot of pressure on myself before our sessions.  I always wanted them to be perfect which meant that after a while, I didn’t enjoy our sessions or look forward to them.  My hussy and I mutually agreed to stop them and concentrate on ourselves.  Which is what we have done for a couple of years.

Last year was particularly hard as I helped my best friend cope when her mum suffered a stroke.  After 5 months in hospital, her mum moved to a care home and sadly died in September.  Her funeral was 4 days before my holiday.  We both needed 2014 to end and draw a line under it which we have thankfully done.  There are still a few things that my best friend needs to tidy up and I shall help her, but the stress has now gone.  My hussy has been strong and supportive throughout this period and I want to publicly thank her for everything she has done for my best friend and myself.

So, during the last couple of years, I have indulged in some soft play but nothing more.  But increasingly over the last 2-3 months, I had found myself thinking about D/s again.  BDSM will always arouse me that has never stopped.  And I have often found solace in reading erotic fiction, perusing Fetlife and photos, websites etc as an escape from the immense pressures of 2014.  So my thoughts returned to my own relationship and stepping back into my dominant role.  Along the way I have lost a certain amount of my confidence and with it my ability to be dominant.  However drawing a line under 2014 helped me to mentally look at myself and realise that there are things about me I should embrace and not try to change.

So although I have stopped smoking (over 2 years), have put on weight (yo-yo’d quite a lot) and am older and hurtling towards fifty, after all that happened last year, I’ve decided not to ignore my needs or desires.  I will lose weight (I have a goal to lose at least a stone before my holiday in May), I will not allow myself to feel weak or inferior, to embrace that I am a dominant woman (not 24/7 but when required or desired) and to return to D/s with my hussy.  And indeed this has already begun when my hussy stayed with me after Christmas until the New Year.  I rang in the New Year with a session.  It felt good to dust of my bag of tricks and peruse them.  It was a frisson of excitement.  A shiver of anticipation.  From now on I will be me and I will not deny myself any longer.

The Lady is back…