Secret Desires

It doesn't matter that I am currently bisexual, there is always one thing that attracts me about a guy or a woman and that's their bottom. I can't help it. There must be something in my psyche that just zones in on that particular piece of a person's anatomy. It's almost like a radar. Why? Because of my secret desire to spank. Someone, anyone. Nothing more and nothing less. Nothing necessarily sexual in it either. In a man the first thing that always attracts me is their arse. Especially in tight jeans, and unnervingly arousing in leather trousers. With any woman, I can look at the curve and the size and picture exactly where to strike, what with and what the effect would be.

It excites me, full stop. The buzz can be incredible. I decided before P and I met up for our first physical session that I would introduce her to the subtle art of spanking. First I researched. You can't just hit the bottom and hope for the best. The more I studied, the more I realised that there is an art to spanking. There are literally hundreds of websites about spanking. Mostly (as you would expect) have photos showing the aftermath of a bloody good spanking. But I managed to find the chosen few that concentrated on how to spank, how to do it well, what with and how to ensure both sides get the most out of it. My real goal is to have P ask me, no, BEG me to be spanked. We have a long way to go before that happens and that would make her a pain slut, and would make me very, very happy. So in the meantime, it's all about one step (or spank) at a time.

Of course it all depends what kind of spanking you are giving. There is sexual spanking and punishment spanking. Punishment is exactly that. No warm up, no warnings. Can be inflicted with the hand to start off with before stepping up to implements such as paddles or a cane. This is meant to hurt, to punish, to make the submissive remember why they are being punished. The pain equates to the crime and ensures the brain remembers why the punishment is being given. The memory of the pain lingers long after the sore bum has recovered. Sexual spanking is a mixture of pleasure and pain. There are sweet spots or zones which you can concentrate on. The fleshier parts which seductively wobble in your face as you hit them. Starting off slowly by warming up the skin with your bare hand ensures the endorphins start to flow and the blood rushes to the sexual areas. Hence the certain state of arousal spanking gives the receiver. As the heat of the skin continues it becomes more sensitive. Once I obtain a rosy glow on the cheeks of P's arse, I usually start with something harder. I have an old, hard soled sandal which works very well. It provides a larger, flatter surface area and gives P a completely different set of pain sensations. With sexual spanking, I alternate spanks with pleasure. I caress and rub her hot skin, causing her to moan and wiggle on my lap. Then I play with her pussy which is usually quite wet by this time. I normally smile to myself and start the process again. Spank, play, spank, play. I freely admit I can do this quite happily for hours. Latterly, I have a long, wooden ruler (which P bought me herself) to use which as it is narrower and longer, gives a new set of experiences for her and new marks. I always ensure that any marks are temporary and will fade although she is nearly always uncomfortable afterwards. Sometimes I also rub Arnica cream into the cheeks of her bum to help soothe. Even doing this arouses me.

Punishment spanking also excites me. Maybe I should be slightly shame faced but early on with our sessions, I told P that I wanted to spank her so hard that she cried. That is a secret desire. To know that I have that power. With punishments, I have brought tears to her eyes. And more importantly, I know where her limits are. But I desperately want to push those limits. In the back of my mind, I toy with the idea of forbidding her use of the safe word, especially when punishing. It's my right, but it's a right I have yet to take. I suppose I'm scared that if I did that, the safety net would be removed and I could go too far. And I don't want to ruin what we have, such a beautiful, trusting relationship as D/s. But I harbour that desire to make her cry and yet beg for more, whether in punishment or sexual mode.

So primarily when I punish, I state why, how many and also show her what I am going to use. And it's normally straight in at the deep end so it does hurt and reinforces the difference between sexual and punishment. When it's sexual, quite often I have P laying over my lap which makes it even more intimate. She is face down, her sex available to me and her bare arse there for my using. I know inside she loves it, but doesn't know how far she wants to take it. And is hesitant to ask me, yet. I would love her to become a pain slut. Love her to beg me on her knees to spank her, play with her, use her. Inside her mind, I know she is harbouring those thoughts, they haven't quite reached the surface yet. The desire isn't strong enough. But one day, the desire will become too strong. And I suppose in a way, that is my way of moulding her into what I want her to be. If I am ever lucky enough to have a male sub, I would do exactly the same thing. I can't imagine many other things more rewarding than having a man beg me to spank him. But that will probably remain very much a fantasy, for now. In reality, I have P to help me along with my secret desires. And when her day comes, when she begs me, I will be a very, very happy Domme...