text domme

I've done this a few times and I love doing it. On a Friday night after work, P goes down the local pub with her work colleagues for an hour or so probably to have a good gossip. This afternoon I sent her a text, an instruction from me. When she got to the pub, she had to go straight to the ladies and remove her panties and not wear any until tomorrow morning. Then she has to write about her experience and email it to me by 11pm tonight. At 16.37, I duly received a text telling me that she had complied with my instructions. I love this kind of domination and manipulation of someone. Of course I have to trust she has done this. But I know she does. Once when we were out food shopping, I told her to go to the ladies and take off her knickers. When she returned I eased my hand over her skirt and felt her bum. She squirmed at my touch and I smiled. The illicit thought of walking round the supermarket with no knickers showed on her face and in my psyche. I think I shall be doing this more often.

Tease and Denial

One of the ways I control P is denial. Quite often in the day or so before we have a session, whether an e-session or physically together in my Chamber I put her on a ban. I view training as non-pleasurable as she must not use it to orgasm with. It's purely training to keep her pussy and anus supple for me and my play. Sometimes I will ban both. When P is seriously aroused and begging for an outlet, I will use denial to restrain her. Not physically but mentally. P was on a 24 hour touching ban before our e-session on Saturday. It helps to ensure she concentrates on what it means to be my hussy and get her into the right head space. After the emotional session for her, I left the ban in place until Sunday night. Then I allowed her to pleasure herself for 24 hours. She was eternally grateful to me for untying her mental bonds.

Of course there is an element of trust here. I trust P that she does as I ask her even though I am not physically there to witness or oversee things. I believe she trusts that I also make the right decisions in our D/s relationship. I know sometimes she sulks and gets frustrated when I do ban her. P can be petulant! But that just adds to the thrill, and can bring out the worst in me. She hasn't been under a ban for longer than a couple of days but I might change that. We are due to see each other again at the end of this month, and I am thinking of how long to put her under a touching ban in the run up to my visit. This time I am visiting her. I already have ideas of what to do, apart from just being together for a weekend.

P informed me that she had purchased the nipple clamps I ordered her to do. She also seemed to have gone on a shopping spree while she was in the shop telling me she was now in possession of the sluttiest lingerie she'd ever bought. I look forward to her wearing it. She had been allowed to touch herself for 24 hours from Sunday night and subsequently another ban had followed suit. So by last night, a combination of her shopping trip and our MSN conversation P was suitably fit to burst. I graciously allowed her another 24 hours pleasure time which has now expired. I think you get the drift of this week - 24 hours on, 24 hours off.

I started to engage with P the notion that I would take our D/s outside the Chamber when I visit her. At first she thought I meant outside literally as in public. I reassured her this wasn't the case. By outside, I meant outside the Chamber but still within the confines of her house. I explained how she could serve me. Simple things like waiting on me, fetching me a cup of tea, massaging my feet, kneeling beside me just content to be at my feet. Then I teased her some more. I gave her a scenario. To help me to bathe. This is know is one of her personal fantasies. Make sure the bathroom is all ready with bubble bath and sparkling wine, candles and incense. Well by the end of this little conversation, P was suitably aroused and excited. For me the arousal comes from the power aspect. The power to have someone do my bidding, how I want it, when I want it. It's not just about P being my play toy although that does have definite fringe benefits. But getting her to dress how I want her, slutty or hussy, parade around for me and do as I tell her. That's the real turn on. To use her as I wish. What more could a dominant ask for?

Tonight P has her ban lifted for 24 hours, then it's back to mental restraint and denial. How long for I don't know yet. And I'm not going to give away the answer here as P avidly reads my blog and is one of my followers. Otherwise the surprise would be lost. I'm already planning our e-session knowing she had bought the nipple clamps. And although I won't be able to physically do the deed, making her do it to herself, show me and then progress from there, is enough of a mental stimulation to make P shiver. To see her squirm, be embarrassed or fear what she has to do is a buzz for me on every level. I think I need to find a dark corner before I get too excited at the prospect!

A different kind of e-session

And so to Saturday night. Our first e-session since getting back into the zone. I had decided we would use Skype, with myself as voice audible only to P but I could view and hear her with her web cam. Thus it would replicate the Chamber. I had emailed P her instructions a couple of days beforehand so she knew what I wanted in terms of her appearance. I got more and more nervous as the time neared (11pm). Why I don't know. I suppose I didn't know if it would affect me the same way it does P. She finds the e-sessions very arousing, stimulating and defining. For her they reinforce our connection and our bond as D/s. Her diary had arrived on time, so I had a chance to read her thoughts concerning our previous session together. She admitted in her diary that she had failed with my verbal instruction for her to verbalise physically the words 'hussy' and 'slut' rather like an affirmation twice daily, morning and night. She finds written instructions easier to follow and remember than verbal ones. At first we just chatted for a few minutes to make sure it was all working properly and that I had the right view of her. Then we began.

First I thanked her for the diary and informed her that she would receive punishment for not speaking her affirmations. I calculated this should have been said ten times by our e-session. Then I did what I always did in session and inspect her, to make sure she was to my specification. She removed her bathrobe and displayed her breasts. I told her to stand. Front view. Bare pussy, as I like it. I told her to turn round. Rear view. I told her to bend over. P did so and reached behind her to part her bum cheeks and display her bare arse. Very fulfilling. Satisfied that P had prepared herself to my liking, I told her to turn round to face me again before kneeling back down. I decided that she should be punished for failing to comply with my instruction. She would stand naked turned away from me, hands behind her head facing her bedroom window (which I could see over her shoulder) for 5 minutes. Her curtains were open and the lights were on. Plenty of embarrassment factor although I know she doesn't overlook any other houses, just an office which would be empty. Unless anyone happened to be walking down the street glanced up... P stood up and did as she was told. I was rewarded with a grand view of her pale, rounded backside while I watched the clock. It's rather like placing a child on the naughty spot. It works well.

The five minutes probably seemed like hours to P until I told her the time was up. Gratefully she returned to kneel. I asked her how she felt. She said she was humbled, humiliated and embarrassed by the punishment. Good. That's what it should do. P was suitably chastised though physical punishment would still be outstanding and meted out at our next real session. I asked if P had moisturised her body after preparing it. She said no as she didn't know whether she would want me to demonstrate. P was starting to know how my mind worked. I told her to show me how she moisturised. P asked if it was full body or just certain areas. I told her to do her breasts first. P showed me her bottle of moisturiser before starting to apply it. She rubbed it into her skin, massaging her breasts one at a time. Over and under, making sure every part was soft and smooth. She paid extra attention to her lovely nipples. When she completed her task she resumed her kneeling position.

I said nothing, then told her to moisturise her pussy and anus. Again P began to do this. She stood up so I had a clear view, propping one leg up on the bed next to her. I watched as she carefully and diligently applied the moisturiser. Then she turned around to repeat the process, carefully fingering her arse to rub in the lotion. Then she cleaned her hands before resuming her humble position in front of her laptop. I asked her how it felt to do this act before me. P admitted it felt odd, being observed when she had only ever this in private. It was usually part of her ritual that enabled her to get into her sub zone mentally. She also added that it was exciting to do it while being watched. It was good to hear that these little things could be perverted.

I told P that she needed to restart her training which I know she had missed greatly. She was also a apprehensive that she may not be able to do so much as she used to, given the enforced hiatus. I reassured her that we would take it step by step and if there were any problems, we would stop. It was only natural that muscles would tighten and not be used to penetration after a period of stoppage. I allowed P time to move the laptop so I could see her on the bed. She took with her gloves, lube and her butt plugs. She asked if I could see her, I could. I told her to start with her fingers and then move on to the plugs if possible. But I wanted her to tell me what she was doing as she trained under my supervision. So P started her training. She lay on her side, back facing me, legs bent up slightly. Using a lubed glove, she began with one finger. She found this easier than she anticipated and soon used two fingers. She asked if she could go use the small plug and I agreed. Carefully she eased this between her bum cheeks and soon it disappeared. P held it in place before pumping it in and out. She moaned and wiggled. I told her off. This was training not pleasure. She apologised and continued her training in silence. P said that she could go onto the medium plug in her set of three. Again I agreed. P removed the small plug and lubed up the medium plug. Slowly P began to insert it, angling it before it seemed to be swallowed whole. P sighed and moved her hips to ensure she was comfortable. Again she held it before pumping it. I asked how it felt and she said it was good. Easier than she imagined it would be. For several minutes she stretched and retrained her anus to the joys of anal play. Then she said that she was beginning to feel sore so I told her to stop, clean herself and go back to her original kneeling position.

It took a few minutes for P to do this and settle back down again. I allowed her to rest for a few minutes and drink water to ensure she was hydrated as a session always affected her. Once P was ready, she knelt before me in front of her laptop. She bowed her head. I thanked her for showing me her training. I asked her what it had been like. She was surprised how easy it had been though she couldn't go on for as long as she had done a few months ago. This was only to be expected. I told her to resume her training on a nightly basis, accepting that it wasn't always possible to do this but it should be a regular occurrence. P assured me she would do this. I told P to kneel upright and to pinch her nipples. There was no hesitation to my instruction as she began to pinch them between her fingers. She was to keep doing this until I told her to stop. Her breasts bounced around as she did so, her nipples soon upright and developing a rosy glow from the abuse. P moaned and tried to suppress any pain she felt. I told her to make sure they were sharp pinches just like I would do. I was going to tell her to stop when P said she felt lightheaded. She slumped down and breathed heavily. I realised she was having one of her turns. Sometimes she felt the sessions too keenly and the mixture of emotions and adrenalin would take their toll. It was nearing the end of the hour so I naturally wound the session down. I told P that I wanted her to purchase some nipple clamps that we had seen out shopping together the week before by Wednesday this week. P nodded. I told her to freshen up, rest, drink and eat before formally ending the session.

It's only by doing our e-session like this, visually, that I was able to see and experience how deeply this works for P. I had my doubts but now I have none. At first I was anxious about how I could control P like this but again, my anxieties have disappeared. By the end of the session, I was revelling in the level of control I had over her. I know that P has a huge submissive streak running through her soul and she is never one to question my instructions unless they involve her hard limits. There is never any struggle mentally or physically. But essentially P was like my play toy. I said, she did. I watched and observed, sometimes coldly, sometimes excitedly. Sometimes I know I'm still adjusting to this power I have over another human being. Power and yet responsibility. The one thing that neither of us had on Saturday night was touch. I couldn't hold her or give her the proper aftercare she needed. P said she knew I was there in spirit but when she was in need of her Lady, I couldn't touch her. However, I know my voice and soothing words were enough for her to know I care for her.

I think we both learned a lot about this first foray into web cam e-session and I am planning our second on this Saturday night. I can learn from what happened to both of us and improve on it. We both should feel more positive about it even if we both get butterflies beforehand. But I am certain that it will help us to maintain our bond, may be even take e-sessions onto a different level. I'm sure this is old news to those who have been doing this already. But for us, it's all about beginnings. Well everyone has to start somewhere.

Next Steps

P always says that when we're together in the Chamber, she has no concept of time. I am the clock watcher, checking the clock to make sure that P isn't gagged for too long, restrained unduly without cutting off the blood supply, that I don't get carried away with the plug or vibrator so she gets sore. Time is constant for me in the Chamber, it's a check and balance. For P, she has no idea how long a session lasts, let alone how long she has been gagged, spanked, flogged or anything else that takes my fancy. Time is relevant in so many ways for us. The days, weeks and hours we are apart as we live almost 200 miles apart is one aspect and probably the most important one for us on both levels. As our D/s and also in our real life relationship. I know it is 3 weeks and 5 days until we're together again when I make the drive across country to see her for the weekend. It's been 7 nights since P left me to go back to her home and her real life. And though we miss each other every day, we've learned to use that distance and separation as something to make us stronger.

We both have good careers which keep us busy, other friends and family to occupy our time. Real life is constant and a good way of distracting us when the going gets tough. But we chat to each other every day, mostly via messenger but also email, Skype and the good old fashioned telephone. I often write to P, cards and letters. I'm old fashioned that way. Now that my mojo is well and truly re-established, I am keen to maintain our bond and reconnect with P when we are apart. That means going back to e-sessions.

I always wondered if they really worked, whether they were effective in helping us get through the weeks we were apart. P reassured me that they did even though last year it was done via messenger which often made the e-sessions quite long and drawn out while I waited for her to complete her instruction and type back to me. Neither of us had the technology for video etc. A year on, we have the technology which is a little scary. I am very camera shy and find using web cam rather intimidating. I know, a dominant intimidated by technology is quite funny. But it does. But if we're going to make our D/s work this time, then I know we both have to embrace it. I know I'm going to make mistakes, probably freak out a little over it but I don't want it to defeat me. I want to know if being visual/verbal with each other will give me the same effect as messenger sessions have done with P.

With messenger I could use my imagination more. I would give the instruction and visualise in my mind P on her bed, doing my bidding and there was a huge amount of arousal and power derived from this method. I'm apprehensive that some of that power may be lost in using Skpye or video messenger. I don't know why. Logically the power should increase and be reinforced as P can hear and see me and react instantly rather than have the passage of time in between written comments. It should be almost as if we're both in the same room, apart from the fact I can't physically touch her. A regret but something I should be able to overcome.

During the last week, I decided that I would have an e-session on Saturday night. Normally Friday's is 'our' night whether e-session or a 'share' between us which ranges from D/s to personal ones. However with both of us going back to work last week, I suspected we'd both be tired Friday night and a session wouldn't be appropriate. I had given P some verbal instruction to complete daily and wondered if she would remember. A diary was also be required before the e-session took place, a regular deadline. I discussed the options open for us concerning conducting our e-session and I wanted us to try Skype which P was very happy with. She suggested that I use my headphones so she could only hear my voice, while I could see her with her web cam. This would replicate being in my Chamber as P often says she doesn't see much of me with her eyes downcast or blindfolded. She merely hears my voice unless I allow her to look at me.

I sent P her written instructions by email so she was clear in how I wanted her physically and mentally. I also put her on a touching ban from Friday night, I was feeling generous! And as the week progressed, I thought more and more about Saturday night and what I would want her to do. I wanted to keep it simple, and again, about an hour in duration. That word time again. I didn't want to put any pressure on us or more importantly me. Otherwise things would start to unravel very quickly and my old fears would return. But at least now I understand where I went wrong personally and don't want to repeat those old mistakes. I love what I do too much. I get too aroused and enjoy the power and domination too much to want to run away for a second time. I know that P feel so much calmer and at peace now that we have resumed our D/s side of things. But it is only one aspect of our overall relationship. It does make us closer and we share something very special. I'm no expert with D/s, I would never pretend to be. What we do is our way and if it works for us, that's all that matters.

So our next challenge is to embrace 21st Century technology and use web cams and voice to control and dominate. Nerve wracking - yes, scary - yes, fear of the unknown - yes. I'm sure many other D/s couples of whatever persuasion use this regularly and effectively. But doing it for the first time is daunting. I didn't know if I would be able to command and maintain my domination, whether P would be in the right zone mentally. That I would lose my way, get tongue tied, embarrassed and lose the flow of session. I had to get into my own head space if I was going to get this right and make it work. After going through such a long break when the mojo was lost, I didn't want to turn tail and fail again. So when I got to last night, I literally had to take a deep breath and just dive in. P has complete faith in me as her Domme and in my abilities. She knows that e-sessions have worked for us in the past. She was more than ready to embrace the new. Now I just had to have a little faith in myself.

The Return of Her Lady

It wasn't until Sunday that I ventured back into my alter ego. P was returning home the next day, and we enjoyed going out and being together on Friday and Saturday especially as the weather had turned warmer and a lot drier. On Sunday afternoon I told P that I wanted to take her to bed but again kept the rest of it to myself. I went from one room to another carefully preparing the scene in my head and in reality. I was going to stick to the basics. I laid out a large towel, flogger, blindfold, wrist restraints and nipple clamps. Just within reach but on the floor were a pack of my favourite pink latex gloves and the lube bottle. Finally I got out my scene clothes. P was in the living room and later she told me that when she saw my kitten heel shoes in my hand, her heart leaped at the sight. It meant her Lady had returned. She wasn't expecting another scene before she had to go so anything I offered was an added bonus. I dressed and felt quite calm. Not my usual nervous self. I decided it would be no more than an hour and would focus on those things that excited both of us. Before P came in, I told her to bring her camera bag.

She knelt before me and I offered my hand to be formally kissed. Then I told P to take some photos of me, photos that represented me as she saw me. P became the professional as she asked me to pose and took about twenty or so photos. I want some more so that I can put a few on this blog at a later date but was pleased with what she took especially as it was on the spur of the moment. When the camera had returned to its case, I told her to take off her outer garments. P had obviously anticipated a session but never dared think it would happen as she revealed her pretty black and pink bra/pantie set. I inspected her before taking her breasts out of her bra. I started to play with her full, rounded breasts something that excited her as well as made her gasp with that little bit of shock. I flogged them and pinched her nipples. Then I applied the nipple clamps which have bells on the end. I made her wiggle and dance her breasts up and down, round and round so the bells rang. Just for my amusement. Taking off the nipple clamps caused P to stifle her yelps. I smiled.

P made a decision many moons ago never to swear. It was one of her hard boundaries that I didn't tell her to say swear words such as fuck, shit, wanker etc. However, I viewed the words 'hussy' and 'slut' as acceptable and not swear words. She readily accepted them when I told her she was my hussy or my slut. In her diaries she often used the words, but she had never spoken them out loud. So I told her to repeat my words. 'I am a hussy' and 'I am a slut' out loud. She hesitated and I had to tell her louder and quite sharply to say them. At first I could barely hear them until I flogged her breasts making her say them loud enough for me to hear. I enjoyed the look of embarrassment on her face as she spoke the dreaded words. I made her repeat them several times for my pleasure.

When I was satisfied, my flogger turned its attention to her plump backside. I began to swipe it across with her panties still on. Each smack made her jerk before I bent her forward. Then I ripped them off so I had the whole area to play with. I soon created a rosy glow which always arouses me. I kept flogging, simply enjoying what it did to her, what it did to me. Then I indulged myself in some hussy worship and laid myself face down on the bed. I told her to kiss my bum which she is always so good at. I lay there as she diligently set about her task which aroused me immensely. After a few minutes of this, I told her to stop. Which I know always disappoints her as she loves doing it so much. I told her to lay on the bed. I moved my equipment aside and spread out the towel so she could lay on it, on her back. I placed the blindfold over her eyes and told her to lift her arms up over her head. I applied the wrist restraints before stuffing her panties in her mouth. This was another aspect that I knew humiliated her. Sometimes it was the simplest things that were the most effective. I placed the wooden spoon in her hand and told her to drop it instead of using her safe word as she was now unable to speak. She nodded to demonstrate that she understood. I walked around the bed so that I could gaze down on her. I pushed up P's legs, bending them at the knees and spread her thighs wide apart. I was tempted to get her camera back out and take some photos of her exposed, restrained, blind and mute ready for the taking. I didn't. May be next time...

I put the nipple clamps back on before I flogged her exposed pussy. This made her jump and moan deliciously. I smiled and enjoyed my time playing with my hussy. Then I decided to reacquaint P with anal training. As it had been a while since she had done any anal training, I decided I wouldn't do it for any great length of time. I would be guided by her. As P was blindfolded, I knew she would be relying on her other senses to know what was happening. I took a glove and snapped it on. I love the feeling of my pink latex gloves and the power they have. She seemed to shiver at the sound of the glove. Then I lubed my fingers. Ah this was going to be so good...

First my index finger. It slid in relatively easily. I held it in position up to my knuckle before pumping it in and out. There was little resistance and soft mewing noises emanating from my hussy's stuffed mouth. I removed my index finger and applied more lube before reinserting my index finger, joined with my middle finger. I felt the familiar clamp around them as I pushed inside P, reclaiming her again. More mewing noises. I stretched my fingers apart and pumped her arse. It felt good. The stretch made P writhe a little which was an added bonus. She needed to be reminded it was training and my pleasure not hers. I told her to be still and not move, she nodded. I knew how much she loved anal especially when I did it to her, so restraining her emotionally as well as physically was always a rush.

I removed my fingers and picked up the small plug. I told her what was coming next. I lubed it up and parted her bum cheeks before lining it up. With the right angle it soon entered her. I watched as I pushed it slowly and she swallowed it. Her muscle was ripe and willing, her arse wanton. Soon it was fully inserted and I was a happy mistress. I pumped and twisted it, more mewing sounds. I continued for about 5 minutes before I saw the signs that P was getting sore. Her body was reacting so I removed it. P signalled she needed me, so I removed her panties from her mouth. She was overwhelmed emotionally, so I sat her up before giving her some water. She thanked me and I waited for her to calm down. Then I removed the nipple clamps which made P bite down on her bottom lip and finally her wrist restraints and blindfold. Her tolerance for punishment or clamps had obviously reduced during our sabbatical. I decided that our session which had been going on for about an hour had reached a natural conclusion and ended it.

Afterwards I gave her the aftercare she needed as she knelt at my feet. I held her and her whole body trembled for a while until she recovered. Then I offered my hand and she kissed it, thanking me for allowing her back into my presence. The rest of the evening was just me and P as 'us'. I can assure you I was a horny bitch on heat and everything else was wonderful. I had already planned to do an e-session, may be using web cam instead of messaging. Something we've never done before. So we were back on track, and her Lady had returned.

A Rainy Thursday Afternoon

Well it wasn't just the afternoon. It had started raining the night before and was still raining the proverbial cats and dogs the next morning. It didn't stop raining for over 24 hours. So what was there to do at home when it was raining outside? I knew what I was going to do, P didn't. To be honest she only knew half the truth. Yes we were going to bed and share our love for each other, the rest of it she had no idea. We watched DVD's and just chilled out at home while the weather did its worst outside. In the afternoon, I took her into the bedroom with no clues to give away my decision. She kissed me. I allowed it then said 'That's the only kiss you will give me.' She immediately knew by the tone of my voice that her Lady had returned. Her body language changed from lover to submissive, the subtleness all too evident to me. She downcast her eyes and crossed her hands in front of her, lowering her head to me. I felt my dominance rise and swell like a flowing high tide. But I also felt calm, calmer than the last time we had done this, played together. I felt myself smile inwardly and outwardly.

I circled her, inspecting her fully clothed. I didn't expect her to be ready for me and certainly wouldn't punish her for that. I was only going to scene for about half an hour, dip a toe in the waters and see what the reaction was for both of us. I ordered her to strip below the waist. Carefully she took off her trousers and panties. I told her to put her hands behind her head. I tucked her top up into her bra band. She breathed heavily, her breasts rising and falling with anticipation. I inspected her, circling around her. It was lovely to do this, have her as my possession. I touched her, teased her. Then I bent her over the bed so I could spank her. Lightly at first, then I used a wooden spoon. Corrupting an innocent kitchen utensil gave me a buzz. To hear it slap against her skin, leave the red marks and provoke the little mews from P's lips was music to my ears. I alternated smacks with the spoon and my hand, connecting skin on skin again.

I felt my keen arousal as we continued to play together. P faithfully counted each smack and thanked me profusely afterwards. I asked her to stand before I removed my own trousers. I turned round and settled myself face down on the bed. Now it was time for some worship of my own. I instructed her to pay homage to me. Dutifully she knelt behind me and started to kiss my thighs and my bum through my panties. I closed my eyes and let myself revel in the worship, knowing how much P adored doing this. And she did it so well, soft little kisses that covered every inch. I let her do this for several minutes before I told her to stop. I heard P kneel back down and almost whimper at not being allowed to worship me. I turned over on the bed and raised my bare left foot to her lips. I teased her, rubbing my big toe over her lips as she resolutely tried not to show any emotion. I told her to worship my foot, allowing her to hold it. She already knew not to go any higher than my ankle. I watched as her lips kissed my toes before going up and over my foot. She sucked my toes and I felt the throb between my own legs as she did so. I closed my eyes again and surrendered to the feelings.

After my left foot, I instructed P to repeat the process with my right. Again, I revelled in the sheer pleasure and delight of being served by my personal hussy. It was sheer bliss. I felt us reconnect through these simple acts, become one again in our release of dominance and submissiveness. I bade P to stop her ministrations. Again she seemed to be sad to stop worshipping me. I decided that this was enough for our mini session, not wanting to overwhelm her or myself too much. I cuddled her, giving her the aftercare I always made sure she needed. She seemed so happy at this unexpected scene, the re-emergence of her Lady and being able to worship me again but I knew it would also be very emotional for her. She breathed heavily in my arms and I soothed her until I knew she was calm.

Afterwards, we switched back to being just us and enjoyed sharing our love with each other, albeit with a renewed vigour and arousal. We talked afterwards as I wanted to make sure we both felt the same way, that we both missed it and wanted it to continue. It was obvious from our conversation that this was the case. We both had silly grins on our faces and I felt we had been able to reconnect again on the rainy Thursday afternoon. I had already started to plan ahead for our next scene before P went home (she returned today). This time I would change clothes, wear my heeled shoes and lace top hold ups, get out my box of tricks and enjoy being a Domme again. Just this brief scene gave me buzz and a high that had been missing from my life for several months and I knew that I was back on track.

Decisions

I have been off work on holiday this week and P has stayed with me too. I had a vague inkling that I might try a short scene with her. But I still hadn’t made the final decision as to when or what I would do. I have been reading a particular blog BDSM Relationships for a couple of weeks. The blog has been like going back to school, BDSM school. A lot of the articles have simply reawakened my latent interest and allowed me to go over the basics. Basic principles that I had perhaps allowed to get lost before I decided to stop things for a while. P had often told me she was happy to do the same things over and over. Her favourite sessions involved restraint (hands, ankles), spanking, anal play and servitude. These things can easily fill many a happy hour or two. Reading the blog so wonderfully written by an expert in his field helped me to realise how much I missed our sessions and how aroused I still was by the thought of what I could do with P.

Although I had mentioned to P that I had been thinking more and more of returning to our play sessions, I had never confirmed anything. It had been more of an ‘if’ rather than ‘when’. And P didn’t pressurise me over the matter. Yes she would be lying if she said she wasn’t more than a little excited about the prospect, but she merely reiterated that she was coming down to see me, not Her. However, my appetite was starting to grow and I felt the hunger inside me. The little empty space inside my soul that niggled at me. The more I thought about it, the more I read and re-read and the more I thought about crossing the bridge when P arrived. In my head, I almost listed the pros and cons. I was more concerned about how I would handle it, knowing the traumas I had put myself through twice already. Simply I thought about what I missed. And those reasons came to me very quickly. The main ones I could list are:
Our Friday nights (which seemed to be more structured with our e-sessions)
Spanking (obvious!)
Servitude (being serviced by P was too arousing for words!)
Restraint
Sensory Deprivation
Dominance
Control
Fantasy (sharing ours with each other)

Once I made the mental connection to those core issues, it all seemed to slot back into place. I have mulled over things without telling P, wanting to work it out for myself. Accepting this other side of me, my alter ego, again was the key. And not to blur the edges of Her and me, to have the clear distinction between what was dominance and our real life relationship. I’m sure to many people in the community, this isn’t a problem. But for me it has and I have to make clear differences between the two before I can move forward. By Wednesday, I had settled those differences, accepted what I needed for that dark part of my soul and decided that I would make my move the next day. I didn’t tell P just in case I got cold feet and changed my mind at the last minute. I didn’t want to get her hopes up only to dash them again. I decided I would try out a mini session, probably nothing more than half an hour or so, just sticking to the basics, no formal dress changes as we used to. Just us and a quiet room, a few stern words softly spoken and my bag of tricks in the corner and see what happened. By giving myself parameters, I hoped I could keep within those boundaries and then together, share our feelings before starting again. I admit the thought scared and excited me in equal measure, but I was 99.9% certain it was decision made.