Asserting my authority

P's most recent visit didn't start well as my previous post described.  Getting her dates mixed up, not checking properly beforehand.  The kind of thing that annoys me.  I'd already decided against physical punishment.  I find that making her have a more mentally stimulating punishment helps her to focus on what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again.  Though I have in the past used both physical and mental punishments combined to good effect.  I gave her 100 lines.  As my hussy is a teacher, it's an ironic and fitting punishment.  You may think I let her off lightly.  But she knew I was disappointed in her.  And often that is enough for her, to know she has let me down.  I had already given her a small lecture regarding her error.  She pledged to ensure all her dates and arrangements were double checked and written down in her diary so that it wouldn't happen again.

I re-asserted my authority over her in many other ways, not just in my chamber or by way of lines etc as suitable punishment.  I expect her to service me however I choose.  And during her week long visit, she was put to full and proper use.  Foot massage, pedicures, painting nails, hand massage, head massage, ensuring my tea cup was rarely empty, kneeling at my feet, being my footstool as I watched TV.  In my chamber she is respectful, obeys all instructions, gives her body to me for my whims, offers her tongue for my pleasure - at once submissive yet trusting.

They may not seem much, but they all help to assert my authority over my hussy, whether she has erred or not.  I am also encouraging her to talk to me again inside and outside of my chamber.  I want to know what's going on inside her head.  I want to make sure she is happy and content.  I want to know if she has any fears or concerns.  I don't want her to fear me.  This is about mutual consent.  I push her limits, introduce her to new experiences, respect her hard zones.  Sometimes we flirt in public, she brushes my hand against her skirt - she isn't wearing panties.  I will exchange a look and she will lower her eyes.  My beautiful hussy.  She knows who's boss.

How do I control thee?

Let me count the ways.

Okay I'll stop with the massacre of Shakespeare and get on with the article.  But at least you know what it's going to be about.   There are many ways to control within a D/s relationship.  Over the course of my journey with P, I have been able to exert more and more control over her as time goes on.  And of course, some of it has been trial and error.  What works for us might not work for someone else.  We also have the added difficulty of having a long distance relationship so everything we do has to backed up with absolute trust.  I trust P that when I tell her to do something, she does it.  And visa versa if needs be.

For me, I can place my control mechanisms into two camps.  Mental control and physical control.  The mental control can be subtle, gentle, applied over time.  Other times it can be as subtle as a brick, in your face, made obvious.  Physical control is often used during sessions, when I am able to be with her or see her such as when we do an e-session via Skype.  One thing I have discovered is that both sides often merge so that the control can be both mental and physical.  So let's try and separate them first and start with mental control.

I like to get inside P's mind, know what makes her tick, her likes and dislikes.  I have done that through her many diaries that she sends me.  Gradually I have invaded her mind, almost like being inside it.  Often in the past, P has told me that she will think of me at random times of the day.  Especially when it nears the time for a visit or e-session.  I fill her thoughts completely.  Anticipation and a certain healthy amount of trepidation help to accelerate this.  I like being there.  For one it's a little bit slutty!  I have been able to open up her inner most thoughts, something she has found difficult to do in the past.  A lot of the mental control I have over P now is the result of all the previous months and sessions we've spent together.  It's been a learning curve for both of us.  I know I can flick her internal 'switch'.  Play sessions have enabled me to gauge her reactions, know her limits.  How far can I push or punish her?  The biggest thing mentally is that she knows she's there for my pleasure, my enjoyment.  She's my toy.  And her will to submit to me hasn't diminished.  In fact it has grown.  I have been able to exert more control over her.  Now I have started to train her to serve me, do things for me, pamper me.  This is a different kind of control.  No bondage or pain is required.  It is all about my needs and her wish to please me.  I know that quite often, she is thinking of me, of my dominance over her.  My words are just as effect as any of my actions.  I have reprimanded her, praised her, teased and denied her with equal affect.  Sometimes I now don't even need to say anything.  I can just give her one look and she understands what it means.  That is very pleasing for me.  To have that amount of mental control over her.  She knows by my reaction whether she has pleased me or not.  It's almost like remote control sometimes.  P has told me it's rather like Big Brother, someone is always watching her.

Physical control is more hands on.  In its basic form it comprises of bondage and restraint.  In whatever degree I wish.  Sometimes it's just her wrists, other times it's all appendages so she is completely helpless.  I like to control her senses, deprive her of one of them heightening the others.  The most common way is blindfold.  Unable to see, I have the element of surprise at my disposal.  I can see her reactions and be fluid in how I decide to use and play with her.  Even without restraint, I can control her to do as I wish.  Kneel, lay down, kiss my shoe or boot, stand still, stand in the corner and face the wall.  This one I use for punishment and combines both elements of physical and mental.  And with servitude, I control her every move.  Fetch this, do that, kneel here, wait, massage my feet.  Or just be there for me to pet every now and again and if you're very good, you can rest your head on my lap while I stroke your hair.

One of my favourite control mechanisms is the touching ban.  Physically frustrating for anyone with a hint of a sex drive, mentally devastating.  Usually I impose this a couple of days prior to a visit and a day before an e-session.  It helps to concentrate her mind on what is to come.   I have also used it for punishment.  I think the longest she was banned was almost a week.  That was very difficult for her, but she knew why it was imposed (along with a few other things) and it worked.  Now she hasn't got to the begging stage during a ban, but I'm sure in her mind she has.  Begging.  P is uncomfortable begging.  I love to hear it.  I make her beg to ask me to cum.  She has to beg badly (or good) enough for me to grant it.  And depending on how I feel, I might allow it and then again I might not.

I wasn't expecting this to be quite so long and I don't think I've covered every aspect of control between us.  But it does give you an idea of what happens within a D/s dynamic.  May be it even gives you a few ideas to use for your own D/s.  It's only when you try and write it down, that you realise just how much goes into a D/s on both sides.  Ultimately she trusts me and puts herself in my hands.  To give that level of submission must be the ultimate symbol of my control over her.

Two sleeps

Until my Hussy is with me again.  And it will be extra special as it's my birthday on Saturday.  All gifts, cheques etc from my faithful followers will be gratefully received...   I have already sent her a list of instructions so she knows what to bring, what to wear, how to prepare her body.  All the essentials I crave from my Hussy.  I intend for her to have more servitude training as I so enjoyed being pampered by my Hussy last time.  P takes her servitude very seriously and was honoured to be able to serve me outside of the Chamber.

Of course my regular readers will know there is the little matter of an outstanding punishment from a few weeks ago.  She has already completed her 200 lines which I received just before I went on holiday.  The riding crop which she bought for me on our last weekend together has sat in the corner of my bedroom just waiting.  Waiting for her arrival.  It is essentially virgin apart from caressing her body with some tantalising slaps, for punishment purposes it is virgin.  And now I intend to use it for her punishment.  Just the thought of the slap and sound of it on her white ass almost makes me combust.  I know it will sting and hurt but as it's punishment, she will take it. I have yet to calculate how many to give her, I want to get the number just right to bring tears to her eyes and leave nice red marks. Seeing her with a rosy glow on both sets of cheeks will be very satisfying.  I might even be tempted to use a hairbrush.  I know she will read this, and what it will do to her mindset for the next two sleeps.  Very satisfying indeed.

Serving her Lady

Friday evening was P's first experience of servitude outside the 'Chamber'.  Normally all our sessions are conducted indoors and within the confines of my Chamber, whether at my home or hers.  Sometimes, we have been shopping together and she has been banned from wearing panties for this but nothing more.  The weekend was all about stretching those boundaries, first within the confines of the home and then outside the home in a more public setting.  As with any training, I start simply so that P gets used to what is expected of her.  One of the things I always look forward to when I stay with P is using her bath.  Nothing gives me greater pleasure than having a long, luxuriating soak chin deep in warm waters and scented bubbles.  I felt this was the simplest way for P to serve me, attend to my every wish and desire, pamper me and help to keep my body beautiful.

After dinner, I went into Domme mode and instructed P to run the bath to my specifications, setting out warm towels and my toiletry bag.  I waited downstairs for her to announce it was ready.  She was to serve me dressed in only her underwear.  I had already inspected the bathroom to ensure she had adhered to my orders it be clean and fit for purpose and she had successfully passed this test.  I found the bath ready for me.  I undressed and passed her my clothes to fold and put away before I slipped into the bath.  It was the perfect temperature and I was able to lay back and enjoy the waters.  She knelt by the bath waiting for my instructions.

After lying in the bath for a while, I began my usual rituals of exfoliating, washing and shaving.  Patiently she obeyed my every word, keeping her eyes downcast.  It must have been very hard for her not to gaze upon me and only hear the sounds as I bathed.  I ordered a drink and was offered wine or a hot drink.  I chose my favourite pink fizz and was presented with a flute glass of chilled fizz.  It was delicious and decadent to sip the sparkling wine while bathing.  Once I had completed all my rituals, I stepped out and was presented with a wonderfully warm fluffy towel which P wrapped around me.  Once dry, P helped to place a bathrobe around me and presented slippers for my feet.  I ordered her to clean and tidy the bathroom while I went downstairs and waited for her.

When P came back downstairs, she made me another drink before she set about her second task of the evening, to give me a pedicure and paint my toenails.  Diligently, P set about her task.  I know she was nervous about making a mistake, and I was prepared to accept this but she was an absolute doll.  She pumiced my feet to make them soft and smooth before giving me an excellent foot massage with a rich foot cream.  Then she prepared my toenails before starting to paint them with my chosen nail varnish.  She put a base coat on first and allowed it to dry before painting two coats onto my toenails.  Carefully she removed any stray nail varnish edges so that when her task was complete, my feet looked and felt wonderful.  Finally, she gave me a hand massage with an equally excellent hand cream.  I then discharged P of her duties for a while as I prefer to paint my own fingernails and did this myself.

The evening started at 9pm and by the time she finished painting my toenails it was almost midnight.  But time meant nothing to either of us.  I was pleased and proud of my Hussy's servitude.  She was attentive, respectful, polite and observant as well as anticipating my needs.  She concentrated on her tasks with diligence and care.  I felt her devotion to her Lady most keenly.  She was proud to serve me and I know from our discussions over the course of the weekend, that she felt a sense of peace and true belonging in being able to serve me, to make me happy and prove her love to me.  What more could her Lady ask for?