Well it wasn't just the afternoon. It had started raining the night before and was still raining the proverbial cats and dogs the next morning. It didn't stop raining for over 24 hours. So what was there to do at home when it was raining outside? I knew what I was going to do, P didn't. To be honest she only knew half the truth. Yes we were going to bed and share our love for each other, the rest of it she had no idea. We watched DVD's and just chilled out at home while the weather did its worst outside. In the afternoon, I took her into the bedroom with no clues to give away my decision. She kissed me. I allowed it then said 'That's the only kiss you will give me.' She immediately knew by the tone of my voice that her Lady had returned. Her body language changed from lover to submissive, the subtleness all too evident to me. She downcast her eyes and crossed her hands in front of her, lowering her head to me. I felt my dominance rise and swell like a flowing high tide. But I also felt calm, calmer than the last time we had done this, played together. I felt myself smile inwardly and outwardly.
I circled her, inspecting her fully clothed. I didn't expect her to be ready for me and certainly wouldn't punish her for that. I was only going to scene for about half an hour, dip a toe in the waters and see what the reaction was for both of us. I ordered her to strip below the waist. Carefully she took off her trousers and panties. I told her to put her hands behind her head. I tucked her top up into her bra band. She breathed heavily, her breasts rising and falling with anticipation. I inspected her, circling around her. It was lovely to do this, have her as my possession. I touched her, teased her. Then I bent her over the bed so I could spank her. Lightly at first, then I used a wooden spoon. Corrupting an innocent kitchen utensil gave me a buzz. To hear it slap against her skin, leave the red marks and provoke the little mews from P's lips was music to my ears. I alternated smacks with the spoon and my hand, connecting skin on skin again.
I felt my keen arousal as we continued to play together. P faithfully counted each smack and thanked me profusely afterwards. I asked her to stand before I removed my own trousers. I turned round and settled myself face down on the bed. Now it was time for some worship of my own. I instructed her to pay homage to me. Dutifully she knelt behind me and started to kiss my thighs and my bum through my panties. I closed my eyes and let myself revel in the worship, knowing how much P adored doing this. And she did it so well, soft little kisses that covered every inch. I let her do this for several minutes before I told her to stop. I heard P kneel back down and almost whimper at not being allowed to worship me. I turned over on the bed and raised my bare left foot to her lips. I teased her, rubbing my big toe over her lips as she resolutely tried not to show any emotion. I told her to worship my foot, allowing her to hold it. She already knew not to go any higher than my ankle. I watched as her lips kissed my toes before going up and over my foot. She sucked my toes and I felt the throb between my own legs as she did so. I closed my eyes again and surrendered to the feelings.
After my left foot, I instructed P to repeat the process with my right. Again, I revelled in the sheer pleasure and delight of being served by my personal hussy. It was sheer bliss. I felt us reconnect through these simple acts, become one again in our release of dominance and submissiveness. I bade P to stop her ministrations. Again she seemed to be sad to stop worshipping me. I decided that this was enough for our mini session, not wanting to overwhelm her or myself too much. I cuddled her, giving her the aftercare I always made sure she needed. She seemed so happy at this unexpected scene, the re-emergence of her Lady and being able to worship me again but I knew it would also be very emotional for her. She breathed heavily in my arms and I soothed her until I knew she was calm.
Afterwards, we switched back to being just us and enjoyed sharing our love with each other, albeit with a renewed vigour and arousal. We talked afterwards as I wanted to make sure we both felt the same way, that we both missed it and wanted it to continue. It was obvious from our conversation that this was the case. We both had silly grins on our faces and I felt we had been able to reconnect again on the rainy Thursday afternoon. I had already started to plan ahead for our next scene before P went home (she returned today). This time I would change clothes, wear my heeled shoes and lace top hold ups, get out my box of tricks and enjoy being a Domme again. Just this brief scene gave me buzz and a high that had been missing from my life for several months and I knew that I was back on track.
30 August 2010
29 August 2010
Decisions
I have been off work on holiday this week and P has stayed with me too. I had a vague inkling that I might try a short scene with her. But I still hadn’t made the final decision as to when or what I would do. I have been reading a particular blog BDSM Relationships for a couple of weeks. The blog has been like going back to school, BDSM school. A lot of the articles have simply reawakened my latent interest and allowed me to go over the basics. Basic principles that I had perhaps allowed to get lost before I decided to stop things for a while. P had often told me she was happy to do the same things over and over. Her favourite sessions involved restraint (hands, ankles), spanking, anal play and servitude. These things can easily fill many a happy hour or two. Reading the blog so wonderfully written by an expert in his field helped me to realise how much I missed our sessions and how aroused I still was by the thought of what I could do with P.
Although I had mentioned to P that I had been thinking more and more of returning to our play sessions, I had never confirmed anything. It had been more of an ‘if’ rather than ‘when’. And P didn’t pressurise me over the matter. Yes she would be lying if she said she wasn’t more than a little excited about the prospect, but she merely reiterated that she was coming down to see me, not Her. However, my appetite was starting to grow and I felt the hunger inside me. The little empty space inside my soul that niggled at me. The more I thought about it, the more I read and re-read and the more I thought about crossing the bridge when P arrived. In my head, I almost listed the pros and cons. I was more concerned about how I would handle it, knowing the traumas I had put myself through twice already. Simply I thought about what I missed. And those reasons came to me very quickly. The main ones I could list are:
Our Friday nights (which seemed to be more structured with our e-sessions)
Spanking (obvious!)
Servitude (being serviced by P was too arousing for words!)
Restraint
Sensory Deprivation
Dominance
Control
Fantasy (sharing ours with each other)
Once I made the mental connection to those core issues, it all seemed to slot back into place. I have mulled over things without telling P, wanting to work it out for myself. Accepting this other side of me, my alter ego, again was the key. And not to blur the edges of Her and me, to have the clear distinction between what was dominance and our real life relationship. I’m sure to many people in the community, this isn’t a problem. But for me it has and I have to make clear differences between the two before I can move forward. By Wednesday, I had settled those differences, accepted what I needed for that dark part of my soul and decided that I would make my move the next day. I didn’t tell P just in case I got cold feet and changed my mind at the last minute. I didn’t want to get her hopes up only to dash them again. I decided I would try out a mini session, probably nothing more than half an hour or so, just sticking to the basics, no formal dress changes as we used to. Just us and a quiet room, a few stern words softly spoken and my bag of tricks in the corner and see what happened. By giving myself parameters, I hoped I could keep within those boundaries and then together, share our feelings before starting again. I admit the thought scared and excited me in equal measure, but I was 99.9% certain it was decision made.
Although I had mentioned to P that I had been thinking more and more of returning to our play sessions, I had never confirmed anything. It had been more of an ‘if’ rather than ‘when’. And P didn’t pressurise me over the matter. Yes she would be lying if she said she wasn’t more than a little excited about the prospect, but she merely reiterated that she was coming down to see me, not Her. However, my appetite was starting to grow and I felt the hunger inside me. The little empty space inside my soul that niggled at me. The more I thought about it, the more I read and re-read and the more I thought about crossing the bridge when P arrived. In my head, I almost listed the pros and cons. I was more concerned about how I would handle it, knowing the traumas I had put myself through twice already. Simply I thought about what I missed. And those reasons came to me very quickly. The main ones I could list are:
Our Friday nights (which seemed to be more structured with our e-sessions)
Spanking (obvious!)
Servitude (being serviced by P was too arousing for words!)
Restraint
Sensory Deprivation
Dominance
Control
Fantasy (sharing ours with each other)
Once I made the mental connection to those core issues, it all seemed to slot back into place. I have mulled over things without telling P, wanting to work it out for myself. Accepting this other side of me, my alter ego, again was the key. And not to blur the edges of Her and me, to have the clear distinction between what was dominance and our real life relationship. I’m sure to many people in the community, this isn’t a problem. But for me it has and I have to make clear differences between the two before I can move forward. By Wednesday, I had settled those differences, accepted what I needed for that dark part of my soul and decided that I would make my move the next day. I didn’t tell P just in case I got cold feet and changed my mind at the last minute. I didn’t want to get her hopes up only to dash them again. I decided I would try out a mini session, probably nothing more than half an hour or so, just sticking to the basics, no formal dress changes as we used to. Just us and a quiet room, a few stern words softly spoken and my bag of tricks in the corner and see what happened. By giving myself parameters, I hoped I could keep within those boundaries and then together, share our feelings before starting again. I admit the thought scared and excited me in equal measure, but I was 99.9% certain it was decision made.
26 August 2010
Long Hiatus and Lost Mojo
Yes, it has been a long, long time since I have posted here. There have been so many things happening in my real life that my blog has been a poor last on my list. The biggest change has been my relationship with P. It has developed into real love and this is something that has been missing from my life for many years. I wanted to devote my time to our relationship and we have been able to see each other quite a lot this year as a result. The side affect of this was that my inner conflict returned. I felt that our D/s side interfered with our love. I felt I was hurting P and found it hard to separate the two sets of emotions. After P had visited at Christmas/New Year, I drove up to see her later in January this year but I couldn't go through with any kind of scene. P was fine with this but she has always been the stronger of us in emotional terms. Ironic how as her Dominant, I feel I am weaker in those terms. In February, I couldn't take the conflict any more and severed our D/s side of life. I wrote an email to P explaining how I felt and why I couldn't continue with it. I had discussed this with her for the couple of weeks or so before I made the decision, and P as always, was accepting of whatever I decided. She put her own priority on us rather than Her. As she said to me, P came to see me not Her. Her was a bonus and submissiveness was something she never expected to fulfill in the first place. It almost felt like a breakdown, which sounds extreme but I was so confused, conflicted and upset as I tried to resolve the never ending issue, that it was better to just walk away from it all.
For many weeks and months, I didn't think about D/s. Sometimes I read blogs that I have linked to my own, a sort of morbid curiosity to see how the experts handle things. I never felt I was an expert in the D/s field and did ponder, once I made the decision, whether I was capable of doing it ever again. So my mojo was well and truly lost. P was happy to leave it alone too. She wanted to concentrate on our real life relationship and I had no arguments with that. Our love deepened and strengthened and I do not regret it for a single moment. I did wonder if she regretted starting our journey together but P assured me that wasn't the case. With this assurance, I concentrated on our relationship which has deepened and helped me to open up to love after been shut away for so long.
However, that side of us is not for me to post about. I suppose people may wonder if that means the end of my blog. I have resisted deleting it, although it was my first natural reaction when I stopped our D/s relationship and locked away my alter ego. P didn't want me to delete it, she felt it was too important for that. So I just left it though I never forgot it. In recent weeks, my mojo has been re-emerge. May be I just suffered the biggest Don drop in history but about a month ago, I re-read my own blogs and started to search for new ones. The embers started to be rekindled and I admitted to myself how much it still aroused me to read about D/s relationships and all they encompassed. I started to think about P and myself, whether I could go back to it, even in a reduced format, one that suited us better. Well suited me better. I didn't want to overwhelm myself too quickly. So slowly I reacquainted myself mentally to the D/s ways, emotions, needs, wants and desires.
About 3 weeks ago, I decided to broach the subject with P during one of our online chats. I'm sure it surprised her to hear me talk about it again. I didn't want to get her hopes up but I felt it was only right that she should know what was on my mind. Again she was content for me to go back to it in my own time, in my own way. There was never any pressure from P for which I am forever grateful. So my mojo began to awaken, I felt more and more drawn to returning to our D/s relationship. The only thing I had to work out in my head was how and when.
For many weeks and months, I didn't think about D/s. Sometimes I read blogs that I have linked to my own, a sort of morbid curiosity to see how the experts handle things. I never felt I was an expert in the D/s field and did ponder, once I made the decision, whether I was capable of doing it ever again. So my mojo was well and truly lost. P was happy to leave it alone too. She wanted to concentrate on our real life relationship and I had no arguments with that. Our love deepened and strengthened and I do not regret it for a single moment. I did wonder if she regretted starting our journey together but P assured me that wasn't the case. With this assurance, I concentrated on our relationship which has deepened and helped me to open up to love after been shut away for so long.
However, that side of us is not for me to post about. I suppose people may wonder if that means the end of my blog. I have resisted deleting it, although it was my first natural reaction when I stopped our D/s relationship and locked away my alter ego. P didn't want me to delete it, she felt it was too important for that. So I just left it though I never forgot it. In recent weeks, my mojo has been re-emerge. May be I just suffered the biggest Don drop in history but about a month ago, I re-read my own blogs and started to search for new ones. The embers started to be rekindled and I admitted to myself how much it still aroused me to read about D/s relationships and all they encompassed. I started to think about P and myself, whether I could go back to it, even in a reduced format, one that suited us better. Well suited me better. I didn't want to overwhelm myself too quickly. So slowly I reacquainted myself mentally to the D/s ways, emotions, needs, wants and desires.
About 3 weeks ago, I decided to broach the subject with P during one of our online chats. I'm sure it surprised her to hear me talk about it again. I didn't want to get her hopes up but I felt it was only right that she should know what was on my mind. Again she was content for me to go back to it in my own time, in my own way. There was never any pressure from P for which I am forever grateful. So my mojo began to awaken, I felt more and more drawn to returning to our D/s relationship. The only thing I had to work out in my head was how and when.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)