Lady Xanax Diaries

Apologies

2011-11-05T08:34:00.001Z

For the long silence but home life has been tres hectic leaving little time for even my blog. And the next month or so will be even more fraught as our home is ripped apart by the builders! It will be worth it! I have had some wonderful times with P which I shall impart with you all. However tomorrow is my glorious birthday. I am going away with P and my best friend for the weekend. I shall be spending the night with my hussy who has promised me pampering treats including bubble bath, champagne and chocolates. Oh and lots of pussy sucking. I shall revel as she puts her head between my thighs and pleasures me for as long as I want.

Bliss. Happy birthday to me...x

Asserting my authority

2011-09-11T01:23:00.000+01:00

P's most recent visit didn't start well as my previous post described. Getting her dates mixed up, not checking properly beforehand. The kind of thing that annoys me. I'd already decided against physical punishment. I find that making her have a more mentally stimulating punishment helps her to focus on what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again. Though I have in the past used both physical and mental punishments combined to good effect. I gave her 100 lines. As my hussy is a teacher, it's an ironic and fitting punishment. You may think I let her off lightly. But she knew I was disappointed in her. And often that is enough for her, to know she has let me down. I had already given her a small lecture regarding her error. She pledged to ensure all her dates and arrangements were double checked and written down in her diary so that it wouldn't happen again.

I re-asserted my authority over her in many other ways, not just in my chamber or by way of lines etc as suitable punishment. I expect her to service me however I choose. And during her week long visit, she was put to full and proper use. Foot massage, pedicures, painting nails, hand massage, head massage, ensuring my tea cup was rarely empty, kneeling at my feet, being my footstool as I watched TV. In my chamber she is respectful, obeys all instructions, gives her body to me for my whims, offers her tongue for my pleasure - at once submissive yet trusting.

They may not seem much, but they all help to assert my authority over my hussy, whether she has erred or not. I am also encouraging her to talk to me again inside and outside of my chamber. I want to know what's going on inside her head. I want to make sure she is happy and content. I want to know if she has any fears or concerns. I don't want her to fear me. This is about mutual consent. I push her limits, introduce her to new experiences, respect her hard zones. Sometimes we flirt in public, she brushes my hand against her skirt - she isn't wearing panties. I will exchange a look and she will lower her eyes. My beautiful hussy. She knows who's boss.

Still learning a lesson

2011-08-19T22:42:00.000+01:00

My hussy should be here with me today. But she isn't. Instead she is still at home. It may only be a trivial issue but my hussy never checks up on her arrangements. For her, that arrangement is a simple one - cattery. Her lovely two cats get their own week's holiday while she visits me. She usually arranges this in advance, then promptly forgets what day they are supposed to be dropped off. I have been asking her for a few weeks now to check when she was due to drop her cats off. The only reply I have ever received was "Friday". So I was all geared up for today, making sure her bed was ready etc etc. The excitement levels were at a real high, full of anticipation and expectation. Then last night she dropped the bombshell - she got her dates wrong. She had the cattery booked from Saturday (tomorrow).

Trivial or not, my hussy never seems to check things properly, gets her dates and times muddled up. I admit to being slightly confused in that when she is at work (as a teacher) she doesn't have these problems. So obviously she has developed her own coping strategies and mechanisms not to miss a lesson, plan ahead and check dates and times. I had a major issue with her last year when she missed a diary deadline completely because she went out socialising. So to say I was miffed is an understatement. I would have been really miffed if the cattery wasn't booked until next week especially as I have next week off work so we can be together.

Of course she knows she's in the dog house. She knows she's going to get punished. I have already devised a suitable punishment. Not a physical one, I'm not vindictive. Well I hope I'm not. I'm sure there are some of you thinking it's a trivial matter and a sharp telling off is all that's required. I know that doesn't work. There needs to be something to back it up, teach her a lesson she is obviously still learning. So after she has arrived sometime tomorrow, I will set out the punishment. And it will be a taste of her own medicine. As I've admonished her before, she wouldn't accept an excuse of being late or mixing up dates from her pupils and her colleagues wouldn't tolerate it if she did the same thing at work.

So trivial or not, she will accept her punishment and hopefully learn to check and double check any of her arrangements well in advance, write them down in her diary and tell me so I can make a note of them for back up. Not the most auspicious start to our time off together, but I admit it also gets my dominant hormones racing. Once it is done, it is done. Slate clean. And hopefully lesson well and truly learned.

Focusing the mind

2011-08-15T00:38:00.001+01:00

My hussy has sent me 2 diaries since I sent her instructions. The first diary was timestamped 18 minutes late according to my email in box. My hussy was upset as she stated she had sent it before the deadline. I was able to investigate a little more and establish that her original email had been sent 5 minutes before the deadline. Cyberspace seemed to have delayed it for an unknown reason. Feeling generous, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. For her this meant a reprieve and no punishment. However, it may well have a positive effect as the 2nd diary arrived with plenty of time to spare. Fear of failure. She strives for perfection. She sets her sights high. However she is not a natural time keeper and I have had problems in the past with late, or even, missed out diaries altogether. But this is all to focus her mind. And you can read some of her words.

1)
"Diary – Friday 12th August 2011

A week to go now and I have my instructions from You, to prepare myself for the visit to You. I’m looking forward to it in so many ways, but am also nervous. I know that in recent months we’ve not been as active as before and I get scared that my tolerance gets lower. I always want to be able to cope with whatever my Lady wishes to do to me. It may not happen but it’s in the back of my mind, I don’t want to let You down.

Mentally I’m getting into the right frame of mind. My books are to hand and do help. I’m starting to think to plan the only elements of a session that I have any control over and ensuring my appearance will please You.

I miss You so much and can’t wait to be with You again, kneeling before You, where I belong."

2)
"Diary – Sunday 14th August 2011

I’m starting to feel a little calmer now. I know that there are currently no punishments due, especially after the delay of my last diary was resolved. It’s not just punishments that I worry about being able to handle. I want to be able to cope with anything You might want to be in the mood to do. I can’t help the fear of failure, it is part of me and not something I can stop, no matter how much I wish that I could.

I’m looking forward to daily service. I do so love even the simple tasks like massaging Your feet. It gives such a sense of fulfilment being able to bring You pleasure and relaxation. Knowing each day will contain something for You and with You is very exciting.

... My books have a proper permanent place on the book shelves and I’ve the space to be able to train properly again now too. I’m looking forward to a training session tonight...The very idea of over a week together is a tremendous delight, it seems like an age since that last happened. February I suppose it was. I do miss You horribly at times but hope that we’ll find a balance during our time together."

A week to go

2011-08-13T00:39:00.001+01:00

The countdown has begun. Just a few days now until my hussy arrives at the end of next week. It will be wonderful to see her and I certainly have plans! But first I need to get her focused and in the right mindset. To aid this I have sent her early instructions. They are here for you to read and are typical of the kind of instructions I send her whenever she visits me, or I visit her. I add or delete things depending on my mood. I think she's in no doubt from these instructions of what kind of mood I'm already in...

"My darling Hussy

It is nearing the time of your visit and I am issuing you with specific instructions. I expect you to follow my orders precisely as listed below:

1) You will refrain from pleasuring yourself (touching ban) from 11pm on Wednesday 17 August.

2) You will read your sub books and meditate each day to ensure you establish the right headspace for my visit.

3) To continue with your training on a daily basis. This is not for pleasure and you will not orgasm from it. Until your touching ban occurs, you can orgasm for pleasure separately. Training reinforces the bond between you and your Lady.

4) Wherever possible you will wear the jewelled butt plug for a minimum of an hour each day.

5) You will write a diary for me to be sent to my usual email address no later than 11pm on the following days:

· Friday 12 August

· Sunday 14 August

· Tuesday 16 August

· Thursday 18 August

These diaries should tell me how your preparation and training is progressing and that you are becoming mentally prepared for your visit.

6) To ensure you are shaved and presentable at anytime for my immediate inspection which may be unannounced.

7) To ensure that your wash bag, toy bag and cushion are available at any time I chose to inspect or make use of them.

8) To bring your hair brush with you.

9) To bring with you three sets of lingerie and appropriate clothing for your sessions. Other clothing should enable you to be smart yet comfortable as you will be instructed to serve me at any time. I will leave the choice up to you but the lingerie and clothes must be clean. For your session your hair must be presented in a pony tail.

10) You will not wear panties on your drive down from xxxxx to my home on Friday 19 August. If panties are permitted, it will be at my discretion.

11) To be fully prepared mentally and physically. I expect complete obedience and compliance at all times.

Your Lady

Back to normality

2011-07-26T16:05:00.000+01:00

I am back home after a long 3 days and nights with my hussy. It was an awful wrench to leave her but the compensation is knowing that we will be back together again in 4 weeks time. And then we will be together for more than a week. But the last three days were wonderful especially as it was her birthday on Sunday - the first time we'd been able to spend her birthday together. And I gave her a birthday treat!

The time was spent re-bonding as it's been a long time since we've had a proper session. Bonding again in so many ways- physically and emotionally. Shopping on Saturday, something we haven't done for a while. Nilla shopping and sexy shopping is always a great combination! She had to get herself a new vibrator, which I put to good use on her birthday! But that was after we'd spent a lovely day out in the countryside with a pub lunch followed by a walk in a local park, and sharing locally made ice cream together. Back at her home, I took my time with a session which was emotional for her and hugely satisfying for me. She did her hair in plaits just for me as she knows I love to pull them.

Now I am back home and back to normality. Yes there is something missing inside of me as I sit here typing this, talking to her on MSN as I write. I miss her, in many many ways. I'm sure the high of the weekend will burst and I will experience the drop at some point, as she will too. We have learned to cope with it by talking to each other about how we feel. The e-sessions also help to keep the bond, keep the focus. But nothing can substitute the physical touch.

I know we're luckier than most, we get to meet up on a regular basis, can plan those events around our lives. Our relationship is more than D/s, we love in equal measure, and make sure there is balance between both sides of us. And in between our meetings is normality. And though that normality keeps apart, it also helps to keep us sane. Sometimes emotions break through the normality, but we wouldn't be human if that didn't sometimes happen. My work and home life help to stop me brooding over my hussy's absence. They are an important part of my life, and help to shape the person I am. The routine and structure of an average working day and average home life are necessary, are important. They help to keep my focused and I probably apply that to my D/s too. Structure and focus. My instructions, the e-sessions, the training - it all helps to make the physical sessions something special.

This wasn't intended to be such a long post. I know we all deal with LDR's in our own way, find our own balance, our own coping mechanisms. I find writing and talking the best way to cope. I have an extra day off tomorrow to do food shopping, take a pet to the vets, and probably do the mundane such as cleaning and ironing before I return to work on Wednesday. And I will be there for my hussy to help her through the next few days as my absence makes its own impact on her life. So getting back to normal is all part of the process with LDR's. No matter how much you wish it wasn't...

Needs

2011-07-18T16:56:00.000+01:00

These 7 weeks have been a long time. Not the first time we have been separated for a longer than usual period of time. We've been apart for 8 weeks and we were both desperate. We have (again) both been busy with home and work life, so many days and nights, I have not dwelt on the separation. But recently my thoughts have been consumed by nothing else. At work, I am focused, committed to a job that I adore. At home, I am the same as anyone else with responsibilities. Helping, caring, cooking, cleaning, and some me time too. And in the quieter times, late at night, I feel my needs pushing to the surface.

My needs are simple and few. I need to feel her, touch her, inhale her scent. I need to take her, pull her by her pigtail, make her look up at me with adoring eyes. I need to hear her voice, obey my instructions, attend to my whims. I need to be worshipped, mentally and physically. To be pampered, waited on, servitude. I need to spank her, tease and deny her, gag her with her wet panties, bind her breasts, tweak her nipples, pull and pinch them, slap her tits, fill her holes with toys, make her cum and yet beg for more. Do anything I want, because I can.

And when this is done, I need to surrender to her as her lover, give myself to her. Feel her lips upon my skin, hear her moan with pleasure, go to sleep with her, wake up in the same bed as her. Lie like spoons, feel her breathing against my back. Trace the outline of her lips with my finger. Make love forever and melt into one. Just be together.

This is what I need. I need her. After almost 7 weeks I feel the end of the drought approaching. I know I will almost drown in her. Oh what bliss it shall be. Only four sleeps remain until we are together again. And I will get what I need.

Starting a countdown

2011-07-11T00:23:00.000+01:00

In less than 2 weeks time, I hope to be reunited with my hussy. When we do finally meet, it will have been 7 long weeks apart. Home life has been a distraction (and sometimes a bit stressful) which has prevented me from being too melancholy over the separation. Sometimes I have dwelt on it, late at night when I'm alone. And when I do, I miss her on so many levels. Not just as my hussy, my slut sub. She's my lover and my friend. I've actually come out of Domme mode, not had much chance to even think about that side of things. Now that the days are counting down and soon will be into single figures, my mind returns to familiar things.

The weekend we meet will be my hussy's birthday. So it will be special regardless of what happens. But I want her to prepare for my arrival. For her to perform some anal training in the week beforehand. To ensure she is perfectly shaved, scrubbed and ready. I will send her instructions. I expect them to be adhered to. She will go on a touching ban, no orgasms. As my mind sets into Domme mode, so I want her to focus on being my slut, my hussy. To be mentally prepared as well as physically. The best thing is she won't know what to expect. What ideas I might have, when I will want her to serve me, dictate how she may dress, how to behave. I like to surprise her.

I will also ensure there is balance, the harmony between D/s and our loving relationship. But I know that I do want a couple of good sessions, we need to bond again. Of course any relationship goes through phases and with all the best will in the world, life sometimes gets in the way. Stops the best laid plans from happening. I'm hoping that this time, we can enjoy the best of both worlds in complete privacy. And revel in the emotions of love, lust, dominance and submission.

Changes

2011-06-20T22:34:00.000+01:00

More specifically changes in myself. Since I started this particular journey, I have changed. I am not a naturally confident person. I was bullied at school. I've had bad experiences in previous relationships which have left their mark mentally rather than physically. I always prefer to be in the kitchen at parties. I'm the perennial wallflower. I blend into the background rather than stand out. All these aspects are at odds with what I am doing now. But I have noticed subtle changes within me, which also show outwardly.

This particular journey in my life is starting to become something of an Epiphany. Being dominant is at odds with my shy nature, uncertain at gatherings, nervous of public speaking, not one to step up to the plate and announce her presence. And though I love clothes, I dress to remain invisible to everyone, don't allow myself to stand out. No bright colours. I don't want to draw attention to myself. Amazing what your past can do to your present. Though there has always been a part of me that wants to be my true self. I have "argued" with myself - tried to justify why I shouldn't wear that skirt to work, that colour blouse or those boots or heels. I just don't want to stand out and draw unwanted attention to myself. Because I lack confidence in myself.

Now I feel like a hermit crab, coming out of my shell. My shell has been my protection, my barrier against my fears. Most of those fears are of my own making though a few are the product of my past. Ones that I have allowed to dominate me, dominate my personality. There's also a tiny self destruct button which I naturally push whenever anyone gets close to me emotionally and physically. It's self preservation, a gut reaction. Since starting out on my fledgling wings as a Domme, I have struggled to accept who I am. Some of those struggles are already detailed in earlier posts on my blog. Accepting my dominant side and reconciling it with what I was doing with P was a journey in itself. I even stepped away from it completely for a few months before the calling returned, stronger than ever. And since then, I haven't turned away from it. I have embraced it, nurtured it, enjoyed it, loved it, fantasised and lived it. I do all those things now and it gets stronger with each passing day. Sometimes I still feel I have two sides to myself, rather like a coin. Sometimes I know it is an essential part of me, one that has to be given freedom. And part of that freedom is to have the confidence in myself.

My photos which are on FetLife are probably one of the biggest indicators of the changes I have and am going through. The early ones show my face hidden behind a venetian mask, lots of leg and foot shots and a few full length ones. But the mask hid who I was. As P took more photos, I found myself enjoying it more and more. And that showed as I ditched the mask and flirted with the camera. And not just with the photos that are on FetLife. There are many that are just "for our eyes only", for both P and I to enjoy. I enjoy teasing and flirting, posing and causing a few ripples of excitement when the photos are uploaded.

Being dominant is spreading into my real life. Mainly in the way I think and feel and react to the world around me. As my mum said a little while ago "I'm too old to worry about what people think of me." And that has always been one of my problems, worrying about what people think of me. Slowly I have stopped worrying. Embracing my dominance has given me the confidence to wear the clothes I like, the shoes I like and incorporate this when at work and out of work. I used to wear trousers at work and never show my legs. Now I have dresses and skirts, wear knee high boots in winter, high heels now the sunny days are here. And since I have been on a workout regime since the beginning of the year, I have been able to buy fitted clothes and show off my new, sleeker figure. And all this makes me feel good. I walk a little taller, a step stronger, head a little higher, back a little straighter. I feel proud of my appearance, the way I look. I've had compliments and close friends have noticed the subtle differences in how I act as well as look. What changes inwardly is shown outwardly. I'm not pretending to have full and complete confidence, but it's more than a start.

For me these changes are unexpected but a welcome side affect to being a dominant. I want to enjoy the new found personal freedom it is giving me. The slow release from old mental chains is a relief, though scary as I find my feet and strive to reach the right balance. But it's also an exciting phase in my life as I embrace this new side of me. Knowing the affects I have on others, people who enjoy my photos, converse with others who are either dominants or submissives. The thrill of knowing what I can do and what is to come. And have the confidence not to retreat back into my shell. All these changes are making a difference to my life. It's something I didn't expect, but something I'm willing to embrace and continue to grow.

The Holy Grail

2011-06-13T23:24:00.001+01:00

My hussy stayed for a few days recently. I was at work during the week, so she was able to relax at home and went out with my best friend. They enjoy each other's company. In the evenings, I would come home to find her waiting with a hug and a kiss. It's lovely to know she's there waiting. She served me diligently, being attentive to my every need. Before bed, I was treated to blissful foot massages with oils and creams. She watched mesmerised as I would roll my cigarettes for the next day. I tease her about my nimble fingers as they twist and turn, my tongue licking the paper before creating the perfect cigarette. I had planned a session for the Friday evening. However, I received some upsetting news and the stress completely threw me out of my mind set. I decided it was better to cancel it as I didn't want to take it out on her physically. Besides I just wasn't in the mood for it anymore. I apologised but P is always understanding. As she told me, there will be plenty of other opportunities to come.

Saturday was spent out together shopping and eating out with lots of loving in the evening. On the Sunday, she was due to leave at lunchtime. She needed to get home earlier than usual to sort some things out before going back to work. I didn't want her to go, I never do. Letting go is always the hardest part. More so this time as it would be 7 weeks before we saw each other again. My hormones were raging. She was trying to pack. I watched her pack then couldn't restrain myself anymore. I needed one last taste of passion.

I closed the bedroom door and walked over to her. I was probably giving off enough sparks to light a bonfire. It wasn't long before we were kissing and pawing at each other. I virtually ripped her clothes off before we fell on the bed. Normally we make love slowly with lots of stroking, arousing, tenderness mixed with deep passion. Not that lunchtime. I needed release, I needed to feel her skin on my skin, her fingers on my body and her tongue on my skin. It wasn't long before P's lips slid down my body towards my pussy. I was more than ready. I almost leapt off the bed when her tongue connected. It's been a while since I've been so worked up before being touched. P loves giving oral sex and I enjoy it thoroughly. Her goal has always been to make me orgasm from her tongue. Earlier blogs have explained that for some reason, I have only been able to get so far before needing a toy to complete the process. Though the last couple of times, I have seemed to be more attuned to her.

I lay on the bed, my legs spread over P's shoulders as her tongue worked its magic. I was very sensitive, throbbing and needing release. I actually don't know how long P's head was between my thighs, I only remember clutching her hair, moving her head where I wanted it, where I needed it. Her tongue moved fast, her lips sucked and kissed. My thighs gave the first signal just before I felt the tingle. Oh. My. I vaguely remember saying "oh shit!" or something but the orgasm was so intense, it just flooded my body and my senses. P just kept her tongue going as I writhed on the bed, almost crushing her head between my thighs. It wasn't just one, I know I had at least two or may be three before I actually had to stop her. The intensity was so different to my favourite toy. It was a bit of a shock that the impossible happened.

Afterwards, P lapped up my cum like cream and even that was almost too much to bear as my pussy was hyper sensitive by then. Then she crawled up the bed to rest beside me and hold me in her arms. The grin on her face couldn't have been wider or brighter. It took me a while to recover. A happy recovery, getting my breath back as I was smothered in musky kisses, tasting myself on my lips from her lips. P giggled as she said my thighs had twitched before she felt my pussy cum all over her. She had to push my thighs apart as I'd tried to crush her while keeping my orgasm going for as long as possible. It was, and is, almost impossible for me to believe it happened. I just lay there at once relieved and amazed at my own body. P just grinned. I don't think either of us can wait for the next time. Of course my antics delayed her departure, but I'm sure she didn't mind why.

@The_Lady_Xanax

2011-05-30T21:51:00.000+01:00

Yes I have now fully embraced the 21st Century and joined Twitter. There is a simple logo on the front page of my blog for you to click on, read my tweets and 'follow' me. The blog enables me to write more in depth, explore the world of BDSM to the full and share it with you. Twitter will be more spontaneous, brief and give an insight into daily feelings and going on's. Please feel free to follow me on Twitter and converse with me.

Politeness and respect will always be rewarded when you send me a tweet. And I certainly look forward to hearing from you. I do intend to tweet as often as possible, some of them will be more 'vanilla' depending on my whims. Though I won't tweet mid session with my hussy. I have to draw a line somewhere! But expect some interesting tweets afterwards! Oh and as Lady, I will embrace the Queen's English - don't expect text speak!

Business as usual

2011-05-16T00:32:00.000+01:00

Another weekend, another session. Six weeks apart meant that I was (quite literally) climbing the walls. Mentally I was more than ready for her arrival. P admitted she was quite nervous before her visit. We talked about this, even I was a little nervous. It had been a while since we'd last had a proper session. We needed to reconnect as D/s, I needed to reclaim her. I emailed P her regular visit instructions which help her to focus, get back into the mind set.

On Friday, it was all about being together again as human beings. How much I had missed her scent, her touch. Just holding her in my arms was enough to bring light and love to my soul. I did check she had followed my no panty rule and was rewarded with being able to feel her smooth skin through her cotton skirt as I rubbed her bum. Yummy. I did press her into service later in the evening. I love foot massages and she loves to give them to me. So I watched her massage warm oils into my feet and ankles, relaxing me as her fingers pressed in the right places. Then she applied soothing moisturiser to make my skin smooth and silky. Later she gave me a head massage. Something I also adore. Very relaxing and de-stressing.

On Saturday we went shopping. Again it was more of a chance for us to be together, walk with fingers entwined, share time and space together. The simple things are the sweetest. Having lunch, browsing shops. I was treated to a new bullet vibrator. A bright pink one. Yummy yummy! All the time I would give her sly looks, looks she knew only too well. A twinkle in my eyes, a wry smile. The smile of knowing. A hand down her back, a brief caress of her bum to let her know what was to come. And inside I was nervous, excited, filled with anticipation.

Back home we chilled for a while together sipping tea. I smoked. I checked the time. I always allow P 15-20 minutes to change and prepare. I gave her warning of the time I wanted her to be ready and come to my chamber. Now the butterflies take hold for both of us. I prepared my chamber, changed my clothes, made sure all was perfect. My way of mental preparation. Getting into the blessed zone. A zone which had been sleeping for a while. But as I sat and waited on my bed, I was very much back in that zone. I knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed, what P needed. At the appointed time, there was a knock at my door. I bade her to enter.

She came to me, dropped to her knees. She kissed my hand as is the protocol. And so it began. Touching, stroking, teasing. This time I undressed her, slowing unbuttoning, unzipping, removing, revealing. Time to inspect. A chance to be intimate with my hussy before drawing her across my lap, trapping her legs between mine to keep her still. I spank, warming up her pale skin, watching the skin turn red. I switched from using my hand - pure skin on skin to a slipper. P mewed and bucked on occasion when I hit a sweet or tender spot. She wriggled across my lap. Mentally and physically she is now attuned to spanking, it makes her pussy wet, she gets excited. Even when I picked up the dreaded hair brush. It is more intense, and once it connected with her already tender skin, P was really mewing and writhing. But her body betrays everything. I teased her over this and her silence confirmed her answer.

I bade her to stand. Time for nipple play. Something I love. She stood quite still while I removed her bra, her last item of clothing. Her large, firm breasts beckoned. I fondled them first, got them and her aroused. Then I applied my favourite nipple clamps. They are pink and have a bell on the end. So when she jigs up and down, she tinkles. The pincers are long and envelop the nipple, squashing it exquisitely. When they were secured, I slapped her breasts, squeezed them, roughed them up making the bells sound. I watched her reaction, her sharp intake of breath as the clamps bit home. I love being able to control her in this way. I know her limits and like to push them just a little bit more each time. So I watch for when the signs are visible, the nipples getting angry, heavier breathing, sometimes a mew or a moan. As I do so, I make her tell me she's a hussy and a slut, my hussy and slut. Hussys love this, sluts love this. P has trouble saying these words and I want her to say them out loud. Repeat them like a mantra. To reaffirm what she is and accept it. To know what her submissive soul is. A true hussy and true slut. I keep going for longer than usual until I decide to go to the next stage.

I remove the nipple clamps. The rush of blood to the nipples gives P the all too familiar pain/pleasure sensation. Time to complete the reconnection. She lays on her back on the bed and I put on my favourite latex gloves. I get out the anal toys. I know how much the snap of the latex glove on my hand sends her into overdrive. Lube, glove, fingers. I reclaim her properly. From fingers to plugs. Small then medium. I twist, thrust, push and pull - using her anus how I want it. The last plug to be used is penis shaped and about the same size as the middle smooth plug. It also stays in. P is still on her back, clasping her knees up to her chest. Fully exposed for my pleasure. I quickly insert the new plug. Playing with this one gives different sensations. It fills her in a different way with its curves and ripples. It also stays in place without help. I use this opportunity to spank her while she is plugged. Yummy. She reacted totally to the spanking. I used the hair brush over her tightened, still sore skin and watched her yelp and gasp. Her body bucked on the bed as I spanked and continued to use the plug until I knew the time to remove it.

Afterwards I cleared the anal toys away. She drank some water and began to shake. The emotion of the play was surfacing. It does if there has been some intense play. I cuddled her, stroked her hair and soothed her. Aftercare is important and helps to make our bond stronger, show her how much I care. I take the opportunity to ask P what she would like to do to me that would make me happy. Something she enjoys doing. I wanted to give her a chance to enjoy the last part of our session as much as me. Without hesitation she replied that she loved to worship me. Which instantly makes me wet. P doesn't need to be told twice. I let her worship me starting at my breasts before she works her way down. The first time her lips touch my pussy, I buck and writhe as I am already aroused after our session. I grab her hair and push her head where I want it, where I need it. She loves to be used in this way. Her dream is to make me cum with oral and though mostly I enjoy it, only once or twice has it ever been more than that. Once in the shower and when I went to stay with her in March it was particularly good. Last Saturday was the best yet in terms of arousal. Her technique has improved but also my body is clearly reacting more to the stimulation. Eventually P had to concede that the bullet would be the only way for me to gain blessed relief. She dutifully gave me her bullet and I bade her to lay in my arms while I set the vibrator to work. My orgasm was hard and wonderful. And even more wonderful was curling up with P afterwards, both of us glowing from the excitement, adrenalin and sheer euphoria of session. And when we're like that, that's when we're as close as two people can be.

My Hussy is back

2011-05-01T23:23:00.000+01:00

I received a text this morning from P saying she had arrived back in the UK and was going back to her home. Never has my heart been so full of joy. And the countdown is already on. Five sleeps until she is with me again. Five sleeps until she will be with me again, to do with as I please. I am already making plans and it makes my juices flow and dominant soul sing. Her visit will end our six weeks apart which have felt longer and harder than any of our other separations. Time and distance has played their part in this. Now she is home and I feel the urges rise again. Those wonderful, sweet urges of adrenalin, excitement and anticipation of things to come. Though our time together will be short, just a weekend, I want to remember, feel and live every second. Feel every part of her as she lays across my lap, so I can spank her lovely white bum. Feel her squirm, wriggle and mew through her panty gag, something I love to do to her. Watch the white skin glow from pink to red. And play with her to my hearts content. All these things I want to do, and I can't wait.

Text Porn

2011-04-22T22:24:00.000+01:00

As you are aware, P is away on holiday - Dubai - visiting her family. She sent me a text to say she was on the beach, soaking up the sun. Then I received another text, a photo this time of a lovely palm tree set against clear blue sky. This was her view of the world today.

My view of the world was my garden as I was mowing the lawn, also taking advantage of the lovely sunny weather we are having in the UK at the moment. It was whilst doing that, an idea came to mind. After doing the gardening, I went inside to take a shower. Beforehand, I replied with my own photo taken on my mobile. A different kind of hedge, just to remind my hussy of what she was missing. Something intimate yet pornographic. My wonderful neatly trimmed triangle with just a peak of heaven. She'll be with me again in two weeks time and I am already plotting and planning for her weekend visit. I just want to tie her up, gag her and spank her until she moans for mercy. I want to turn her pale white bottom rosy red with the hairbrush.

I just wish I could have seen the look on her face when she looked at the photo I sent her...

I'm only human

2011-04-17T19:22:00.000+01:00

Yep even dominants are human. My hussy has gone away for 2 weeks. She's visiting family abroad for the Easter holidays. I'm not jealous or envious. Well just a tad because she's somewhere sunny and hot and I'm here in the UK, though today has been quite sunny minus the heat! But because of the time difference, the level of communication between us will be very limited. When I'm working, I don't get home until the evening and she will be getting ready for bed. I hope the weekends might be better as I can get online earlier and she can stay up a bit later.

But it doesn't stop me missing her, badly. Primarily as my lover and friend, always there whether we talk to each other or not. I know she's there. Now she's not. She's far away. I know it's only 2 weeks, but right now it seems an eternity. My heart aches and I feel an emptiness inside. In our D/s I'm the strong one, the dominant one who controls. Derives my excitement from her submission. In our RL relationship, we are equals and sometimes I relinquish responsibility. All I crave are hugs, kisses and cuddles and surprisingly reassurance. Having had bad relationships in the past, I am inherently insecure with personal relationships always looking for the ending before getting past the start line. My hussy is the first person to have the patience to open my heart and love me in some many ways and on so many levels. I love her and I'm in love with her. To me she's a wonderful woman with a heart of gold and the patience of a saint. She's put up with my mood swings, tears, pangs of jealousy, crisis of conscience, insecurities and so much more over the last couple of years. But in many ways she has shown me that I can love and be loved in return without the fear it will all turn to sand and trickle through my fingers.

I've always been open and honest. I warned my hussy not to expect too much from me in our RL relationship, but she has been patient and persevered in her belief that I could open up to her. I have and sometimes I am frightened she will find someone else especially as she is younger than me. But her faith is unshakable and I have learned to accept what we have now is more important than any unfounded paranoia. So after all my ramblings I suppose I wanted to show how a dominant person such as myself is human, has feelings, and misses her hussy so much. I will miss her every day. She has a part of me with her as I sent her some cards to open over the next two weeks. I'm just a hopeless romantic! And I know she is planning to come down to see me a few days after she gets back. I shall be waiting with open arms and an open heart.

Equilibrium

2011-04-08T23:44:00.000+01:00

There are times when despite the opportunity, things don't always go according to plan. Or maybe it was never meant to be that way in the first place. Which is what happened to us a couple of weekends ago. I drove up to visit P for one of our weekends together. I was full of anticipation and the car contained my usual array of clothes, lingerie and toy box - well more like a holdall. Domestic life had been incredibly busy for me in the run up to the weekend, so much so that it wasn't until the day before that I allowed myself to get excited about the visit. Normally I plan for any visit in advance. Get a schedule in my mind of what to do and when to do it. With only 48 hours to utilise, I always have more to do than hours available. But that doesn't normally stop me. So I had a rough plan wanting to ensure the right mix of D/s and "us" time.

Once I arrived at P's house, I had time to unpack, have lunch and take a bath before she arrived home from work. I text her asking her to come straight upstairs. She didn't know in what context the message was sent. So it was my pleasure to greet her laying on her lovely double bed, in my sexy lingerie that she had bought for me, covered with scented rose petals. I am a hopeless romantic. And there is something decadent about making love at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Post orgasm, lying together, arms and legs entwined is always a special place to be in body and spirit.

I think this set the tone for the rest of the weekend. Mentally I relaxed and found the desire to dominate subside. I just wanted to enjoy the time we had together as friends and lovers. We had a lovely day out on the Saturday exploring the nearby countryside, having lunch, walking and enjoying the scenery. At home, I was content to just be. Even though P did her usual foot ritual with a lovely massage and pedicure including painting my toenails. When I had a bath, we talked and kissed and were tender with each other. Formality was set aside.

On Sunday I had what is becoming my usual photo session. We always enjoy them for the obvious reasons. I am just waiting for P to finish editing before she sends them. Then I can share some of them on FetLife. Leaving as always is a bitter pill. Especially as this time it will be six weeks before we meet again. She is going abroad over the Easter holidays for two weeks to visit family. With the time difference, there will be little time to communicate properly via MSN or Skype. It will probably be emails and texts. But at least it will be communication.

So despite my initial plan, our weekend was tame in D/s terms. And that wasn't a bad thing. When P stayed with me for a week at the end of February, we had three rather intense sessions. I haven't written about them, not because there is anything to hide but because the blog doesn't have to be about every session. It is more about the journey though the details help to relay that journey. And I enjoy writing the details. But obviously we needed balance, a chance to be ourselves without any pressures of performing. Sometimes I know I put pressure on myself to be her Lady, to be dominant, to be all things for the short space of time we're together. P has tried to stop me doing this. It's important for it to be relaxed and natural. As natural as breathing that I dominate and she submits. It could be that as our last time was so intense, we needed to step back and breathe together in a different way. To lay on her bed, waiting, feeling the coil in my tummy, my pussy pulse and throb with excitement, longing for her touch upon my skin was the tonic I needed. I know now it was the tonic we both needed.

When we next meet, when she drives down to me, I know she will be full of the same anticipation for both aspects of our relationship. Next time, there will be the tingle of tension for both of us. The sort that makes you spine shiver and your stomach flip. Next time will be different again. And the absence will only add to it. Balance in all things.

Two Years

2011-03-13T20:10:00.000Z

730 days or 63,072,000 seconds or 1,051,200 minutes or 17,520 hours or 104 weeks since you first came to stay for a weekend. A weekend that was the beginning of this journey we have taken together. A journey that has changed my life completely.

Thank you for everything we have shared, the ups and downs, the tears and laughter, pain and love. Your trust in me is precious, the gift of your submission wonderful and special, your love for me as your dominant and your equal takes my breath away. You have become a part of my life and my world and I can not imagine my life and my world without you.

Although today we are apart, our hearts are entwined and the bond between us grows ever stronger. My precious girl, my darling hussy. I cherish every second, and keep the memories within me forever.

Handiwork

2011-03-06T23:58:00.000Z

P has a fixation with my hands. Mainly because ever since our first session together, my hands are the first thing she sees. I offer her my right hand to be formally kissed. Her lips are allowed to touch the back of my hand. My hands are the centre of her world when we are together. I have one vice, I smoke. P loves to see me roll a cigarette, the way my fingers place the tobacco in the rolling machine, turn and twist, then the paper, turn and twist, lick the paper edge, turn and twist, release the cigarette. She watches me make up small batches for my tin whenever she stays or I am with her. Her eyes sparkle and dance as she watches. She seems almost hypnotised.

She loves my nails whether they are painted or not. I like my nails to have a length. I look after them. I smooth and buff them, file them carefully. I love to paint them with bright colours, mainly dark pinks, purples, dark reds, maroons though during the summer I will be more daring with blues especially on my toenails. I prefer to paint my own fingernails however, I love to watch my hussy paint my toenails. It's all part of my essential maintenance and something that I use as part of her servitude to me. I know that it is something she enjoys. When I first instructed her to do this, P was clearly nervous but now I do it in a less formalised atmosphere and she knows what is expected of her. She views it as an honour and a privilege to serve me and loves to pamper me. And I love being pampered.

Whenever we are together, she knows she will be expected to perform hand massages and foot pedicures. But with my hands it goes much further than just admiring them. From the beginning, I've used my hands as objects of pleasure and pain. I stroke my hussy, stroke her hair, her body especially over her breasts and back. I use my fingers. I pinch and play with her nipples, tickle her many sensitive areas. I use my hands to excite and arouse, play with my hussy any way I want to. Then I switch tack. I use my hand to smack her bottom. I watch as her skin turns from white to rosy pink and then to red. I scrape my nails over her sensitive red skin making her jump. I slip my hands between her thighs and feel how wet she is. I have trained her to like being spanked, how it arouses her, makes her wet. Make her beg for more. Know she is embarrassed to ask for more. I marvel at the hand prints I leave behind. Sometimes I pinch her sweet spot while spanking to add new dimensions. I use my fingers to train her anally, probing and stretching, inserting her butt plugs, twisting and pulling. I have spanked her while wearing a butt plug giving her a new set of feelings. I like to try out new ways and surprise her. I have used wax and ice on her body, seen her react, draw sharp breath, mew and moan.

I have photographed my handiwork, when I feel the time is right I may post some of them here or on FL. She knows this will happen one day. My hands also hold implements that I use on her. Nipple clamps that I apply, crop, flogger, ruler and hair brush. She knows my hands control her as much as my words. Yet she finds them irresistible whether they are used for my pleasure, her pleasure or her pain. But always she loves the contact of my hands on her body. She misses and mourns them when we are apart. She can visualise every centimetre of them from my wrists to my fingernails. My rings, my nails, how they feel, their touch on her skin, whether the touches are soft or hard. She has watched me bathe, use my hands to scrub, shave, cleanse. Even when I simply do the washing up, she sees my hands as something beautiful. My handiwork is many things, many layers, applications and sensations. During aftercare I use my hands to soothe and comfort, caress and love. Let her know she is safe. Most of all, whatever side of our relationship, my handiwork is loved.

Something old, something new

2011-02-19T23:58:00.003Z

29 January 2011 - after a lovely day out in the countryside, where we were also able to take some great photos (some of which are posted on my Fetlife account), my thoughts turned to other things. The great outdoors had fired up my mojo. In the morning I had told P to buy a wooden hairbrush. She calmly told me that she already had one which used to belong to her mum. I smiled broadly as I could only think of the wonderful ways I could corrupt it. So on our return, after we ate and refuelled ourselves, I took P upstairs. But first I asked if she had ice. Puzzled she said yes. I told her to take some upstairs with her. I ordered her to change into something suitable and she chose a lovely black bra and panty set with a bob tail. I inspected her as I always did to ensure she was shaved and nude. Then I ordered her across my lap as I sat on her bed.

First I needed to punish her for her late journal. It was 18 minutes late. I had the hairbrush ready. I was looking forward to this. I told her what would happen, 18 spanks. The sound of wood on skin is something totally different. And the effect on her bum was immediate. She jumped and panted on my lap as I gave out her sharp spanking. Her skin turned bright red as the hairbrush took its toll. I could imagine the sting and pain it gave as I alternated across each bum cheek. When the punishment had ended, P thanked me as she always did. Then I turned the brush over and dragged the bristles across the sore skin. P jumped again and inhaled deeply. The bristles were soft and fine, but I knew that the contact on her sore skin would be incredible. I carried on spanking her, alternating with bristle dragging. I opened her thighs and spanked lightly inside and over her sweet spot, that crease where the bottom ends and the upper thighs begin. The redness increased with the skin's tenderness. I teased and tested my Hussy to her limits. I asked her if she liked it. "Yes." She breathed. I asked her if she was excited. "Yes." She replied. I asked her if it made her wet. "Yes." I felt between her thighs and could feel her wetness. Poor Hussy. She was struggling with the pleasure/pain sensations. Do you want more? I asked. There was a pause, hesitation. I repeated my question. "Yes.'" She replied. I smiled. I continued with the hairbrush spanking, ensuring her whole bum glowed with heat. Dragging the bristles made her gasp and writhe on my lap. In between I took ice cubes and rubbed them over her skin. Her reaction was instant. She bucked and moaned as the cold hit her hot skin. Then I would spank her wet, sore skin which only made the spanks sound different. They became more intense for her. I saw that she rubbed her face into the pillow and I knew I had spanked her to tears. Something that always gave me a buzz.

I decided she had taken enough of the hairbrush. I ordered her to stand. I had already attached wrist and ankle restraints to each of the four corners of her bed. I told her to lay a large towel on the bed and lay face up. I fixed her wrists and ankles so she was spreadeagled for me. Then I blindfolded her. This was the moment I had planned for. Something new. P had no idea what I was going to do which only added to my adrenalin rush. I took out my candle pack and lit the first one. I lifted it about 2 feet above her body and waited for the wax to melt. Then it started to drip. The molten wax dropped onto her body one splash at a time. P gasped audibly and writhed in her bonds unable to move. I started at her tummy and worked my way up to her breasts judging which areas were more sensitive than others. I watched the wax cool and harden. As it did so, P's skin tightened and puckered and the edges around the wax turned pink. I blew out the candle and took an ice cube. I rubbed it lightly over the waxed skin and P felt an entirely different set of sensations. Fire and Ice. I let the ice melt over her body. P groaned and panted breathless in her bonds.

I lit the candle again and dripped some more wax onto her body. I aimed for her heaving breasts, layering the wax over her nipples so they turned opaque. For P it was sensation and emotion overload. Her nipples became rigid from the hardening wax. Again I applied ice to her sensitised skin and smiled as she writhed and moaned on the bed. Occasionally she shivered as the ice affected her so I would cover her with a spare towel between times to keep her warm. I uncovered her to start again, dripping the wax down her tummy which caused her to yelp softly. It was very much a learning curve for both of us. I dripped some on her bare pussy which made her yelp louder so I stopped. I placed the ice on her tummy, popping it into her belly button before sliding it down her pussy. I let it rest and melt on her clit hood. It was delicious to watch as drops of cold water disappeared down her pussy. P squirmed and mewed on the bed. I fell in love with this exquisite game of intimate torture which patterned P's body like cracked opaque glass.

I gauged when to end the session. I untied P's wrists and ankles before removing her blindfold. She adjusted to the soft lighting around her. Then she looked down at her body and laughed softly. It was an encouraging response to the session. Her breasts were smothered, nipples encased so much they were stiff peaks of wax, her tummy was splattered and tiny rivers of wax had been created that ran down to her pussy. Her eyes sparkled at the sight. Together we began to scrape the wax off her body. Soon there was a sizeable pile of it on the towel. We scooped it up and disposed of it. Then I held P softly in my arms, cuddling and cradling her. It has been quite an experience for both of us. I asked if she was ok and she assured me she was. I knew she had been slightly overwhelmed and wanted to reassure her as well as myself. I felt her relax. I knew it would have been an odd session for her as there was a distinct lack of physical contact with me. But that didn't stop it being a dynamic session and one that stretched P to her limits.

For a couple of hours, we had explored new and wonderful territories with something old - the fabulous wooden hairbrush, and something new - wax and ice. And I want to do it again and again. With wax I want to master it and be able to use it to its full potential. To cover her body with different colours. But most of all I want to push P's limits, get her to experience and embrace new sensations. And I want her to love it as much as I do.

28 January 2011

2011-02-05T15:43:00.000Z

Left my home 09:06
Arrived at P's house 13:10
Settled in, ate lunch which she had kindly provided for me
Had a secret bath
Scrubbed, shaved, cleansed, moisturised
Prepare bedroom for romantic surprise
P arrives home 15:35
Allow her to wind down, drink tea, chat about her day
Cuddle with her cats on the sofa
Lots of kisses
17:15 take her upstairs
Bed covered in scented rose petals, light candles, close curtains
**use your own imagination for the next two and a half hours**
19:45 go back downstairs for dinner
Watch TV
Eat fish finger sandwiches, potato wedges and mayo
Drink tea
I smoke
Another bath
My hussy serves me while I bath
Drink Bucks Fizz in the bath, how decadent
Allow my hussy a glass of Bucks Fizz for being a good girl
Leave bath
She helps me dry, put on bath robe
Go downstairs
Chill out and relax
Plan our next day
I smoke
We go to bed
Drink the rest of the Bucks Fizz in bed while snuggled up under the duvet
Turn out lights
Spoon together in bed
Bliss...

Shiny Shiny

2011-02-01T22:42:00.000Z

There was one item that had lain undisturbed in P's toy box. She'd purchased it a few months back and I had often looked at it in it's box. But somehow, it had never been the right moment to try it out on her. I wanted it to be special, for both of us but especially for my hussy. As once it had been used, it would start a new chapter in one part of her training. The new, unused, virgin item was a shiny steel pink jewelled butt plug. And it's intended use is to train P to wear it for extended periods of time. So I chose the new year to be the time to introduce this.

Of course there is always an initial apprehension that the plug won't do its job e.g. remain in place. Though having researched these kind of plugs for a while, I was confident that the one P had purchased was fit for purpose. I warmed P up in this session with my usual breast/nipple torture which she obviously enjoys as well as some mild spanking. Well mild in terms of some I've done! Once P was suitably excited and in her sub zone, I ordered her onto the bed on to her hands and knees. I much prefer to insert butt plugs from this angle as it tends to provide deeper penetration and ensures maximum sensitivity for P. As always I started with one of her plugs just to pave the way. I deliberately used the curved, rippled one which I know remains stubbornly in place. I made sure I only used enough lube for the job as P's anus is now suitably stretched and trained to take this particular style and size of plug. The only one that she can't stretch to is the largest one in her trio set. But to be honest, I don't think it's the size of the plug that matters, more the shape, style and whether it holds inside the anus without recourse to other assistance.

I told P to stand, walk around, kneel, stand up again and generally get used to the feeling and fullness that the plug evoked. I could tell she was excited to be using and wearing it again. Then I ordered her to assume her usual position on the bed so I could remove it. Next I opened the box and took out the wondrous shiny, shiny butt plug. I smiled though P couldn't see my smile. I applied the bare minimum of lube as her anus was well lubricated already. The steel was incredibly cold which would only add to the sensations. Then I parted her butt cheeks and slowly applied pressure to insert it. At first it seemed stubborn then there was a glorious pop noise as her anus opened up and seemed to swallow it whole. I continued to gently push on it until the pink jewelled end settled nicely over her rosette. Carefully I let go of her bum cheeks and allowed everything to settle down. P had gasped and moaned as the plug had been swallowed up by her anus. The cold steel obviously making its presence felt.

Now for the moment of truth. I told her to stand up. Slowly she did so. Success. The plug remain firmly in place. Again I told her to walk around, kneel down, stand up again and finally bend over to present her sparkly anus to me. P parted her bum cheeks to expose herself to me. The pink faceted stone twinkled brightly under the chamber lights. We were both so pleased. I told her to turn around and look for herself in my large mirror. She seemed to be fascinated to see it there. P explained that the cold steel was warming up inside her. The sensations were almost overwhelming for her as she walked around, feeling the plug firmly settled in her anus. She felt full, aroused and excited as she could feel it move as she moved around. And there was no sign of the plug failing.

After twenty minutes, I decided that was long enough for her to wear it on a first outing. So with some regret on both sides, I removed the plug. I instructed P to wear it daily (as long as she was able to do so) for up to an hour every day. I wanted her to become accustomed to prolonged wear of the plug that I would gradually increase until I was confident she could wear it for several hours without fear of it failing. So I'm really hoping we'll be able to go out shopping one day in the future with her wearing some unseen jewellery which only bonds her to me even more.

Shiny shiny...

Some like it rough

2011-01-23T00:31:00.000Z

I pulled you into the chamber without warning. You were unprepared and that was how I wanted it. I walked around you as you stood so still, breathing as slowly as possible to steady your nerves. I pulled your hair, yanked your head back towards me. I growled into your ear, you shivered against me. I smiled though you couldn't see it. I rubbed myself against your back before walking around you again. I tell you what to do, you obey without question. The thrill of dominance and submission fills me as you remove your top revealing your bra. I take your breasts out of the bra and start to tease, torture your nipples. You sigh and moan with equal measure. I pick up my riding crop and begin to flick it across your breasts, your nipples. You inhale and seal your lips together. Good girl.

I walk around you so I stand behind you. I use the crop on your backside, through your trousers, using the whole length of the crop. I know you will feel it keenly despite the layers. I alternate with rubbing the crop under your crotch, deliberately pulling the rough crop over the seam, pulling on your clit through your clothes. I grab your hair as I do this, telling you how much you love it, how much you need it. You agree eagerly, nodding and gasping for breath. I continue to tease, smack. I reach forward to play with your breasts again. You feel the mix of pleasure and pain. I nip your neck with my teeth, make you tell me who owns you, that only I can do this to you.

For what seems an eternity, I have you in my power. I can do what I will, how I will. I smack your bum harder and harder with the crop so you feel it, know who is in charge. You inhale deeply, trying not to yelp or whimper. I pull your hair, kiss your mouth, slap your breasts. Then as suddenly as I start, I let go of your hair and stop. I can almost hear your whimper of disappointment. I sigh with delight. And taste the scent of power on my lips.

Slippery when wet

2011-01-12T23:08:00.000Z

Showering together, one of my favourite pastimes and during the time P stayed with me just after Xmas until the New Year, we had plenty of those together. Usually it is just vanilla time. A chance to laugh, kiss, wash each other, share tenderness and love. Reacquaint each other with our bodies again. Skin slipping over skin, watching the soap suds flow down your body and look the one you love in the eyes. See her eyes sparkle at the sight. Sensuality at its best.

Sometimes the Lady just can't help herself. And one morning in the shower with P, we were snogging heavily. No other way to describe it. Hands wandering, lips sliding, bodies pressed together. P started to slide her lips down my neck to my breasts. Bliss. She looked up and must have seen the look in my eyes, the look of her Lady. No words were needed as she continued to kiss down my body, over my tummy to my pussy. I grabbed a handful of her luscious, red hair and directed her to where I needed her. I know I have written before that although I enjoy oral sex, it never leads to orgasm. I suppose I might just be wired wrong.

But that morning, in the shower, as she knelt on the floor, fistfuls of red hair in my hands, her tongue and lips working their magic, I felt the first stirrings of real pleasure. May be it was just the angle, the excitement of being in the shower together, the fact that I was just a horny bitch... I don't know. It was the closest I got to feeling anywhere near an orgasm. I savoured every lick, kiss, suck and play upon my clit. I pulled her face closer, spread my thighs wider, moved her to a better angle. Bliss. The water cascaded over and around us, hot water on hot bodies enjoying some hot oral sex.

Definitely slippery when wet...

Guilty Pleasures

2011-01-11T21:18:00.000Z

Listening to:

Katy Perry

Kylie

Duran Duran

Pixie Lott

Anything 80's

Watching:

Doctor Who (especially David Tennant as the 10th Doctor)

Merlin

Strictly Come Dancing

Star Wars

Notting Hill

Bridget Jones Diary

Sherlock Holmes (TV & Film)

Star Trek Generations

Drinking:

Pink champagne

Lanson Black Label Champagne

Harvey Wallbangers

Bucks Fizz

Doing:

Smoking (the more decadent the cigarette the better)

Driving too fast

Bending the rules

Reading

Internet

Wearing:

Any kind of stockings especially seamed and fishnets

Short skirts

Basques

Leather

Tight jumpers

Elegant evening dresses

Boots especially high heeled ones

Stiletto shoes

Loves:

Having my photo taken by my Hussy

Long lie-ins

Long hot baths

Drinking champagne while having a long hot bath

Squirting aerosol cream directly into my mouth when I shouldn't

Eating Guylian Chocolate Seashells until the box is empty

Spanking

Oral sex

Masturbation

Vibrators

Butt plugs

Restraints

Blindfolds

Riding crops

Floggers

Nipple clamps

Playing with my Hussy

Dominance

Servitude

Pedicures

Manicures

Luxury facials

Elle Perfume

Sensual Domme

2010-12-28T22:57:00.000Z

I visited P a couple of weekends ago. Most of the time was quite vanilla as we just wanted to be together more than anything else. The pleasure derived from just cuddling on the sofa (we also have a RL relationship) can never be underestimated. The one thing I did do with P was servitude. I am certainly getting a liking for it. Utterly selfish and simply wonderful on a basic level. The one place I exert this is in the bathroom. P has a lovely large bath and I just love laying up to my neck in the warm waters with scented bubbles. I take this opportunity to train her, so that she knows what I like and how I like things to be set up. On Friday evening, I merely left out what bubble bath to use and a couple of other items I needed and let her do the rest. I waited in her bedroom, perusing her books until she informed me it was ready.

The simple act of helping me undress before I slipped gratefully into the bath is an intimate affair. She knelt by the bath patiently waiting for any instruction I gave her. I bade her to wash my back. She carefully avoided eye contact with me as she did this task. A task I knew would ignite her senses and give her great joy. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed it. I washed, shaved my legs and rinsed clean. I stepped from the bath and my Hussy wrapped me in a warm, fluffy towel. She helped to dry me and moisturised my back. Then I slipped on a bath robe and she carefully put slippers on my feet. I went downstairs while she diligently cleaned the bath and tidied up. Afterwards I enjoyed a wonderful foot and hand massage.

After a hard day shopping on Saturday, then relaxing in front of the telly I announced that I would be having another bath. No play had occurred between us up to that point, and to be honest, I didn't want to. I was luxuriating in just being with her. But as I went upstairs to have another bath, I felt the need to be dominant, if only for a little while. I took her into her bedroom and instructed her to strip for inspection. I don't know if I took her by surprise. She stripped for me and I carefully inspected her. I was pleased to see that she perfect. Then I put a pillow across my lap as I sat on the bed and told her to lay across me. I started to spank her with my hand warming up her milky white skin so it started to glow. Then I switched to my trusty rubber flogger. I love the noise of it and the way I can tease softly or slap harshly. I asked her if she liked it and she said yes. So I gave her some more of the flogger.

Then I told her to stand up so I could get off the bed. I made her lay down on it, on her back with her legs apart. Exposed to me, I began to tease with the flogger before applying it with a swift swooshing motion, twirling it over her body. I concentrated on her breasts and nipples which I knew were very sensitive to the flogger before making my way down to her pussy. She mewed and whimpered as I slapped her pussy with the flogger. My Hussy likes to be pussy whipped.

When her pussy was glowing softly and my Hussy was gasping for breath, I cruelly stopped play. It was time for my bath after all. Naked, she followed me into the bathroom as I selected by bubble bath and left her to set up for me. When it was ready, she quietly came to fetch me. Once again she helped me to undress and carefully took my clothes away before I slipped into the lovely bath. For a while I just lay there, relaxing and enjoying the simple pleasure of a bath. Then I sat up and began to wash. My Hussy was kneeling patiently, naked with her eyes downcast. Again I asked her to wash my back. She leaned up and began to do so, moving the scrunchy smoothly over my skin. Afterwards she poured warm water over my back from a jug to rinse me. I shivered and giggled softly at the way the water trickled over my skin. I turned to her and said how weird it must be for her to see how she could affect me instead of the other way round. She timidly agreed that it was odd for her to be able to do so. Then I told her to look at me. Shyly P did so as she hardly ever is allowed to look at me in this fashion. Our eyes locked and I knew that I wanted to take our D/s to another level.

P continued to pour water over my back. She seemed fascinated by the way that the simple act of trickling water over my body caused such a reaction within me. And it was all at her hand. I asked her if she wanted to wash more of me.

Afterwards I stepped out of the bath so P could wrap the warm towel around me. She helped me to dry before easing slippers onto my feet and the bathrobe over my shoulders. As I left the bathroom, she began to empty the bath and tidy up without being instructed. It had been a sensual and loving moment between us. I wanted to show P that I cared about her as her Lady in more ways than just dominance, discipline and servitude. I wanted to show her that I loved her and that we could share that love. I also want her to experience more of how she affects me, how her actions cause a chain reaction. And how these simple acts can enhance the bond between us even more.

How do I control thee?

2010-12-07T23:12:00.000Z

Let me count the ways.

Okay I'll stop with the massacre of Shakespeare and get on with the article. But at least you know what it's going to be about. There are many ways to control within a D/s relationship. Over the course of my journey with P, I have been able to exert more and more control over her as time goes on. And of course, some of it has been trial and error. What works for us might not work for someone else. We also have the added difficulty of having a long distance relationship so everything we do has to backed up with absolute trust. I trust P that when I tell her to do something, she does it. And visa versa if needs be.

For me, I can place my control mechanisms into two camps. Mental control and physical control. The mental control can be subtle, gentle, applied over time. Other times it can be as subtle as a brick, in your face, made obvious. Physical control is often used during sessions, when I am able to be with her or see her such as when we do an e-session via Skype. One thing I have discovered is that both sides often merge so that the control can be both mental and physical. So let's try and separate them first and start with mental control.

I like to get inside P's mind, know what makes her tick, her likes and dislikes. I have done that through her many diaries that she sends me. Gradually I have invaded her mind, almost like being inside it. Often in the past, P has told me that she will think of me at random times of the day. Especially when it nears the time for a visit or e-session. I fill her thoughts completely. Anticipation and a certain healthy amount of trepidation help to accelerate this. I like being there. For one it's a little bit slutty! I have been able to open up her inner most thoughts, something she has found difficult to do in the past. A lot of the mental control I have over P now is the result of all the previous months and sessions we've spent together. It's been a learning curve for both of us. I know I can flick her internal 'switch'. Play sessions have enabled me to gauge her reactions, know her limits. How far can I push or punish her? The biggest thing mentally is that she knows she's there for my pleasure, my enjoyment. She's my toy. And her will to submit to me hasn't diminished. In fact it has grown. I have been able to exert more control over her. Now I have started to train her to serve me, do things for me, pamper me. This is a different kind of control. No bondage or pain is required. It is all about my needs and her wish to please me. I know that quite often, she is thinking of me, of my dominance over her. My words are just as effect as any of my actions. I have reprimanded her, praised her, teased and denied her with equal affect. Sometimes I now don't even need to say anything. I can just give her one look and she understands what it means. That is very pleasing for me. To have that amount of mental control over her. She knows by my reaction whether she has pleased me or not. It's almost like remote control sometimes. P has told me it's rather like Big Brother, someone is always watching her.

Physical control is more hands on. In its basic form it comprises of bondage and restraint. In whatever degree I wish. Sometimes it's just her wrists, other times it's all appendages so she is completely helpless. I like to control her senses, deprive her of one of them heightening the others. The most common way is blindfold. Unable to see, I have the element of surprise at my disposal. I can see her reactions and be fluid in how I decide to use and play with her. Even without restraint, I can control her to do as I wish. Kneel, lay down, kiss my shoe or boot, stand still, stand in the corner and face the wall. This one I use for punishment and combines both elements of physical and mental. And with servitude, I control her every move. Fetch this, do that, kneel here, wait, massage my feet. Or just be there for me to pet every now and again and if you're very good, you can rest your head on my lap while I stroke your hair.

One of my favourite control mechanisms is the touching ban. Physically frustrating for anyone with a hint of a sex drive, mentally devastating. Usually I impose this a couple of days prior to a visit and a day before an e-session. It helps to concentrate her mind on what is to come. I have also used it for punishment. I think the longest she was banned was almost a week. That was very difficult for her, but she knew why it was imposed (along with a few other things) and it worked. Now she hasn't got to the begging stage during a ban, but I'm sure in her mind she has. Begging. P is uncomfortable begging. I love to hear it. I make her beg to ask me to cum. She has to beg badly (or good) enough for me to grant it. And depending on how I feel, I might allow it and then again I might not.

I wasn't expecting this to be quite so long and I don't think I've covered every aspect of control between us. But it does give you an idea of what happens within a D/s dynamic. May be it even gives you a few ideas to use for your own D/s. It's only when you try and write it down, that you realise just how much goes into a D/s on both sides. Ultimately she trusts me and puts herself in my hands. To give that level of submission must be the ultimate symbol of my control over her.

A Day In The Life Of...

2010-12-05T23:47:00.000Z

I rose late. I lay in bed luxuriating in the warmth of my duvet as the snow was still on the ground outside. I smiled as my body glowed from post orgasm, the throb between my legs continuing like an aftershock. A wonderful start to a Sunday morning. Of course, I had to get up eventually. I made myself breakfast and gazed out of the window, admiring the snow that still clung to the ground as birds flocked to the feeders. I sipped my tea before clearing everything away. Then I turned my attentions to myself. Sundays are one of favourite days for complete body preparation.

Thus I prepared my shower and collected all the items I needed. My regime starts with an all over exfoliation. It has a soft floral oriental scent with violet, pepper and vanilla notes. I inhale it and feel wonderfully smooth. I rinse clean before I apply my moisturising body wash. I start to layer the scents now. This one is infused with rosehip, coconut and vitamin E. Now my body is soft as well as smooth as silk. After washing my hair, I cleanse my face with an expensive facial wash. I feel amazing.

I step from the shower and go to my boudoir. Here I dry my body before applying an intense moisturiser infused with orange blossom and pomegranate. The scented layers assault my senses. Now I can dress. As I do so, I feel a pair of eyes upon me. I turn around and see you there. How long have you been watching me? I have no idea as I've been so engrossed in my regime, making my body scented, smooth and alluring that I haven't noticed anyone watching me. You kneel at my feet and ask if I require any assistance. My clothes are laid out on the bed.

'You may help me dress.' My instruction is obeyed immediately. You pass my lingerie and I slip it on as you lower your eyes out of respect. I smile at your embarrassment at being caught out. You have watched me many times before, lusted and desired to serve me but kept your emotions hidden. You that gaze at my feet when I wear my leather high heeled shoes, or my stiletto boots. You who gulps for breath whenever I stand next to you wearing my stockings and suspenders, that you can look upon but never touch.

I peel on my stockings slowly over my legs watching you strain to be good, to be submissive, attentive and never show your emotions. But I know the affect I have on you. You silently pass me the rest of my clothes. I step into my dress and fluff my hair in the mirror before easing into my lovely new shoes. Shoes that demand you kiss them and pay them due reverence. Pay your homage to me. And what do I give you in return? My full and undivided attention. Using all my skills and expertise to tease and deny you. I tell you to stand as I sit on my chair. I bend you over my lap and I start to spank you, hard. This is for staring at me. You thank me though I know you want me to stop. I smile as you wiggle on my lap. I spank through your pants, then I remove them to show your bare skin, skin that is already red. I spank you with my hand and you stop wiggling. I hear you whimper as you battle with the stinging pain countered with your arousal at being over my lap. I pick up my favourite slipper and start to slap it hard across your bum. You jump and yelp. I need silence from you. I take your wet pants and stuff them in your mouth. Now you look at me with sorrowful eyes as I've humiliated you. I smile as I continue to slap you.

I hear you snivel and whimper through your gag but feel your wetness on my lap, the heat of your groin. I know I am doing a good job on you. I love doing this to you, a mixture of pleasure and pain. I drop the slipper and pick up my hairbrush. You mew at the sight of it. I paddle your bum, hitting it with the flat wooden side. Then I flip it over and drag some of the bristles gently over your tender skin. Despite your gag, I hear you yelp, whimper and pine. I repeat the process to reinforce my dominance over you. You stop yelping, and all I hear are snivels and whimpers. I drop the hairbrush, remove your gag and tell you to stand. You instantly kneel and thank me. I smile and extend my hand. You take it gently and kiss it. I dismiss you, my work is done. Now I can relax and lay down on the sofa, knowing you will wait on me quite literally hand and foot.

And who are you? You are anyone who visits me here. Who reads my blog, looks at my photos. Who desires to serve and submit to me. And you know who you are. I catch you peeking, looking up from your desk when you should be working, glancing over your shoulder as I walk by. You think of me and find you can't concentrate on anything else. I'm sure your mind wanders to what I could do to you, and what you could do for me. And how you can be a part in a day of my life. All you have to decide is whether this day I have recited is fantasy or reality...

Something about me

2010-11-24T19:52:00.000Z

Scent

2010-11-22T22:10:00.000Z

The one thing that helps connect us when we're apart is scent. My hussy uses a particular perfume, a certain shower gel and moisturiser that I instantly recognise whenever we're together. When I prepare for one of our sessions, I tend to use a certain brand of shower creme, moisturiser and perfume oil which she associates with her Lady. We send each other cards and letters, personal thoughts that are captured forever in words that will never fade. We have photographs so that we don't forget what we look like, how we felt when we've been together. But it's the scent that instantly brings us together no matter how far apart we are.

Whenever we visit, one of us leaves an article of clothing behind under a pillow. Usually this is something simple like a nightie or a pair of PJ's that hold our scent for a long time. So that if the distance seems too great, the length of time too long, I can just hold my Hussy's clothing to my face and inhale her. Her scent is wonderful, intoxicating, sensual, pure. It's almost like oxygen, like needing the air to breathe. I need it to know she is still there, that she slept in my bed, that we shared the same space, breathed the same air, loved the same way. It continues to bind us long after she has gone, makes my soul fly to her, joins us and makes me sing. Literally.

And then we are together again.

Obession or addiction?

2010-11-15T22:31:00.003Z

Are they both the same? Or different sides of the same coin.

Obsession: noun

1. the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.

3. the state of being obsessed.

4. the act of obsessing.

Addiction: noun

The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

I smoke, this is an addiction. Sometimes I get addicted to other things but for shorter, manageable time spans such as chocolate. I blame hormones for that. I have a mild addiction to spanking mainly because I love it so much. Spanking my Hussy is simply too erotic and delicious for words. Sometimes I can get obsessed. My current obsession seems to be boots particularly thigh or knee high, black boots with some kind of heel. I was lured, indeed seduced by such a pair at the weekend and I succumbed to this weakness. They are OTK black boots with stiletto heels. I could never walk down the street in them or I would break a leg! But in my Chamber they will do just nicely. Lingerie could also be another obsession. My collection has grown and I enjoy wearing it regardless of what the occasion is. It seems to give me an inner strength and feeling of power which no one else is aware off. The same happens when I tend to wear some of my work boots which are comfortable for every day but still make me feel dominant in a subtle way.

So my obsessions and addictions help to shape me. They give me infinite pleasure and some confidence when I need it. I know not to let them interfere with my everyday life although I have been known to day dream at work about my Hussy and what I might do to her at our next session. But this is probably no more than any other couple in life day dreaming about their night in or weekend in bed. If anything, I am able to embrace some aspects of them, ingratiate them into everyday life and yet they remain silent and hidden to everyone. So my subtle smile doesn't give anything away and I only know why my obsessions and addictions make me feel rather happy.

What are your secret obsessions and addictions......???

I am a goddess

2010-11-09T22:52:00.000Z

And sometimes I want to be worshipped. In my previous post, I touched on this subject. Sex is not the overriding factor in our D/s relationship. It has primarily being about my dominance and P's submission. Together as comparative novices, we have explored this. And as we've explored, our horizons have broadened. I have stretched her boundaries, mentally and physically. Taken her to a variety of limits and set her imagination on fire. I have encouraged her to embrace certain things, learn to be a true hussy as well as serve me in several different ways. But sex has never been a priority. May be because I try and ensure there is a distinct difference between our D/s side and our RL relationship. One is totally controlled, manipulated and completely on my terms. The other is about mutual love and equality. For that reason, I rarely indulge in using P as my sex slave in any kind of way. Although I know she actually fantasises about this a lot. She has admitted this in her diaries on many occasions. In turn, I have had to mentally adjust to my own desires and that includes sometimes, that I do want to use her in that way.

I started out slowly. However with some experimentation I have found there are certain things I love P to do in the privacy of my Chamber. To do it on command, knowing if she doesn't perform well or do as I want, I can punish her makes me highly aroused. The main thing that arouses me is when I get P to worship my body. Often it's just simple things like my feet. Getting her to kiss my feet is heaven. I restrict her to just my feet and ankles. Doing this means in small degrees means that anything I give her, is unique and always a surprise. She doesn't expect to be able to touch me in any way, so when I allow it, her eyes quite literally sparkle. My favourite has to be when I get P to kiss my bum. I lift my the hem of my short dress exposing my behind normally clad in tight silky panties, lie face down on the bed and command her to kiss it. It is nothing short of ecstasy for me and I have been known to leave a wet patch on the bed as a result. A mixture of heavenly stimulation and domination seems to override my senses.

Last Friday, I had already decided that as part of P's punishment she would deliver some appropriate body worship of her Lady. So after the physical deed with the crop had been done, I prepared her for this. Deliberately I blindfolded her and bound her wrists together. This was so that she couldn't see anything. Only smell and touch with her mouth and tongue. I also know that she's out of practise with the certain body worship I wanted her to do. I admit that oral sex doesn't actually bring me to orgasm. I enjoy it, but it doesn't seem to send me senseless. But for me, it was simply the act of doing it that was important. Positioning her face between my open thighs was almost perfection. Occasionally I berated her on her lack of skill, tapped her skin with the crop to encourage her but in the main I remained silent. I have no idea what it did to her mentally. I shall wait to find out with her own blog on FL or may be her diary at the end of this week. Just to rub things in a little bit, I stopped her after about ten minutes and finished myself off with my trusty vibrator. She was still blindfolded, bound and kneeling on her cushion but she could hear everything quite clearly as I had a wonderful multiple orgasm.

Afterwards I just lay on the bed and basked in the glow of it all. A divine punishment with the crop followed by some goddess worship. My mind thought of the fridge magnet that is in the kitchen. P bought it for me a while ago. It says simply 'I'm really easy to get on with, once you learn how to worship me'. I think that says it all.

Deflowered

2010-11-08T00:50:00.000Z

P arrived on Friday for the weekend. Indeed it is only a few hours since she has left for her drive back home. As it was my birthday on Saturday, I wanted most of our time together to be vanilla time, quality time spent together. I had already informed her that her punishment would be meted out quickly as it was long overdue. My earlier post had stated my intent to use the riding crop. The virgin riding crop. It was itching to be used for its rightful purpose.

After her arrival, and settling back into the familiar surroundings of my home, we ate dinner. I kept thinking of the riding crop and purging the punishment as soon as possible. I took her into my Chamber and she knelt dutifully before me on her cushion. I walked around her in silence. She knew what she was there for. I instructed her to stand and remove her skirt. She had been on a no panties rule since she leaving work earlier that same day. Graciously I gave her the option of either bending over the bed or holding on to the low stool. P chose the low stool and assumed the position.

I picked up the riding crop and sliced it through the air for a couple of practice swings, to ensure I had enough space to wield the crop and get the correct angle so that only the leather slapper end connected with my Hussy's skin. I told P to count each stroke out loud. She knows never to lose count. I landed the crop with even strokes, not hurried, alternating on each buttock. The first ten or so were taken well and soon her milky bum held a rosy glow. This became redder and redder as I continued. By twenty, P was starting to falter. The crop's effects clearly audible in her voice. I paused longer between strokes so that each one retained their freshness. The sound of the crop swiping through the air is quite remarkable. When it landed on P's skin, the snap was loud and clear. I derived great satisfaction from P's visible discomfort, the way her bum cheeks changed colour from milky white to pink then a deeper red and from the sound of her pained voice.

At thirty strokes, I announced the punishment dealt with and P's slate was clean again. She thanked me profusely. I stood over her and gave her a stern lecture on lateness, how it would never be tolerated and that if it happened again the strokes would be doubled. I never raise my voice, always speaking quietly but with authority. She was suitably humbled and shame faced. I think the knowledge and promise of sixty strokes of my crop if the event was ever repeated ensured the point wasn't lost. It was then I put the second part of the session into affect. After blindfolding and binding her wrists, I set her to work giving me pleasure. I have only written a few times about this because sex is not a major part of D/s relationship. Arousal, excitement, teasing, denial are more common. Sometimes I succumb to my desires and allow P to worship me on my terms. Friday was one of those occasions when I succumbed. In fact I had been day dreaming about it all day. So once I had secured her as I wanted, I lay back and positioned her head between my thighs so she could work on pleasuring her Lady. She gets very nervous when pressed into this kind of service despite the high level of excitement it gives her to be quite literally so close to her Lady. When I was satisfied by her worship, I stopped her and removed her blindfold. She then had to listen as I picked up my vibrator and finish myself off. I have yet to find out how she felt as she knelt, head bowed while I achieved a long, multiple orgasm but I can only imagine. For me, it was the perfect end to our session.

Two sleeps

2010-11-03T20:42:00.000Z

Until my Hussy is with me again. And it will be extra special as it's my birthday on Saturday. All gifts, cheques etc from my faithful followers will be gratefully received... I have already sent her a list of instructions so she knows what to bring, what to wear, how to prepare her body. All the essentials I crave from my Hussy. I intend for her to have more servitude training as I so enjoyed being pampered by my Hussy last time. P takes her servitude very seriously and was honoured to be able to serve me outside of the Chamber.

Of course my regular readers will know there is the little matter of an outstanding punishment from a few weeks ago. She has already completed her 200 lines which I received just before I went on holiday. The riding crop which she bought for me on our last weekend together has sat in the corner of my bedroom just waiting. Waiting for her arrival. It is essentially virgin apart from caressing her body with some tantalising slaps, for punishment purposes it is virgin. And now I intend to use it for her punishment. Just the thought of the slap and sound of it on her white ass almost makes me combust. I know it will sting and hurt but as it's punishment, she will take it. I have yet to calculate how many to give her, I want to get the number just right to bring tears to her eyes and leave nice red marks. Seeing her with a rosy glow on both sets of cheeks will be very satisfying. I might even be tempted to use a hairbrush. I know she will read this, and what it will do to her mindset for the next two sleeps. Very satisfying indeed.

I'm back

2010-10-31T22:57:00.000Z

And feeling very, very happy after a wonderful holiday. Getting back into RL has been slow as there has been a lot to catch up with. I won't bore you with the details but I certainly ate and drank too much with too many late nights for good measure! The weather was great and I am definitely a darker shade courtesy of the hot sunshine of the Canary Islands. But now I can start to plan for next weekend when P returns. Aside from RL catch up, there remains an outstanding punishment plus P will be engaged with more servitude training. She has been emailed my updated Wish List as I have additional beauty products placed on the list after discovering a wonderful facial range whilst I indulged myself on the cruise ship's spa. Oh and my vibrator went through the baggage scanner without alerting security I was a terrorist which was a definite bonus! It ensured I had plenty of my own late night entertainment...

Adieu for now

2010-10-16T23:25:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow I will be on my long awaited holiday with my best friend. So this is my last post for awhile until my return. My Hussy will be going on her own holiday in a weeks time and I wish her a happy holiday too. I know that we will both enjoy our separate experiences. This will be the longest time we haven't talked to each other in some shape or form since we first started talking to each other almost 2 years ago. It will be very strange but I also hope refreshing to our relationship.

So I wish you adieu but in the meantime, don't stop the kink!

I am gracious

2010-10-15T23:03:00.000+01:00

When the punishment has been taken, the lines produced and even sent to me without instruction to do so (due to my impending departure on a well deserved holiday, more of which in another post) and the touching ban has hot my Hussy particularly hard this week, then I am gracious and lift the ban. Of course the physical punishment remains outstanding. That will have to wait for next month. I know that the ban greatly affected her not least because she edited my photos from our session two weeks ago. Viewing me in all my dominant glory with stockings, suspenders, high heeled shoes and riding crop was almost unbearable. So just to remind my Hussy, I have instructed her to write a journal piece for FetLife by 11pm tomorrow. It should make for interesting reading. I look forward to it. Almost as much as I look forward to cropping her backside in due course...

Lines completed

2010-10-14T01:41:00.000+01:00

Today Hussy completed her punishment. 200 lines as instructed in my previous blog post. And as instructed, a photo to prove the punishment.

Now all I have to decide is when her touching ban is lifted.....

Disappointment

2010-10-10T22:56:00.000+01:00

Sometimes it seems I take three steps forward then two steps back with my Hussy. After the late diary fiasco, I set her a series of tasks, published her lines here on the blog with a very public admonishment and delivered her physical punishment last weekend. This week she was set another series of three tasks. Two of which were accomplished perfectly. The final one had a deadline of 9pm last night. However, she came online and apologised for getting her deadlines mixed up and hence, she was late posting her final task. She was 56 minutes late to be precise.

So, Hussy, here is your punishment. You are currently on a touching ban. This will continue as I know it's as good as any school detention. You will write 200 lines with the following sentence:

"I must learn how to keep to the task deadlines set by my Lady" in your best handwriting by 10pm on Wednesday 13 October. You will show me them on Skype and photograph them so that I can publish them on this blog for everyone to see.

The rest of the punishment will have to wait 4 weeks as this is the next time we will be together. If you complete this successfully, I may reconsider your touching ban. I still expect you to continue your training, subject to your current issues.

You have let me down yet again. Do I have to keep giving you these very public dressing downs? Do you like to be punished? Quite simply Hussy, you have disappointed me... again.

Bittersweet Reward

2010-10-06T23:26:00.000+01:00

On Saturday night, I took P upstairs. The outstanding punishment over the late diary debacle was long overdue and needed to be laid to rest. Wipe the slate clean. P changed into a new half balconette bra and peep hole panty set that she had bought specifically for me while I put on a teacher's black gown over my semi nude body wearing only some panties underneath. She knelt before me and I offered my right hand for her to kiss. I told her that the punishment would be done first. I told her to remove her panties and bend over. She did so, bending forward to lean on a wooden chest at the end of her bed. I took out my special ruler, a wooden 20 inch specimen that had 'spank me' written on one side and the usual measurement markings on the other. I told her she would receive 15 strokes. I did this knowing that her resistance had lowered during our break from D/s over the summer and that the ruler would still inflict the right amount of pain without her having to resort to her safe word. I laid it across her sweet spot and made her count each stroke. The snap of wood on skin sounded loud and clear as did my Hussy's count. I soon left wide red marks across her pale skin. Afterwards she knelt before me, kissed my hand and thanked me knowing her sin had been absolved.

I used the vibrating nipple clamps on her which aren't that heavy but once set up do look good on her. P had her hands behind her head helping to raise her breasts up while I attached them. Her face was a picture as I turned them on and off several times and slapped her breasts around a little to get them jiggling. I removed them and told her to lie on the bed face up. I took out my manacle set that attached to each corner of the bed. Soon she was lying spreadeagled on the bed. I love playing with my Hussy's ample breasts so I unpacked the new toy P had bought for me. They are nipple suction pumps with a small vibrator attached. You simply place the suction cup over the nipple and pump the bulb to pull the nipples taut then switch on the vibrator. Soon my Hussy was wriggling in her restraints as I alternated between her nipples. I was having simply too much fun. Her nipples were drawn up into the suction cups, large and plump while the vibrations caused my Hussy to gasp and writhe.

I had enough of teasing and switched to using my new riding crop. With my Hussy spread out helpless on the bed, I chose this moment to test my new weapon. The secret to using a crop is to flick the flapper end over the skin, using just the wrist action to create enough force to sting or slap the skin. Just the right amount of pain/pleasure threshold. I swiped the crop up and down her body, concentrating on particular areas such as her breasts, nipples, tummy and pussy. Sometimes I let the crop flick down harder making P jump on the bed as the crop stung, then flicked it so that it caressed. P is now especially partial to pussy slapping so I made sure she had plenty of it. Soon there were little pink glowing patches on her body that would soon fade but at the time made for pleasant viewing. I made sure I cropped her sensitive feet as she is extremely ticklish on the soles of her feet. I rather enjoyed myself and could have happily done this for hours. P was almost purring on the bed as she experienced the bliss of pain and pleasure with no control over what I did.

Once the crop had been successfully road tested I unbound my Hussy and told her to go onto her hands and knees. I wanted to reclaim her anus again. Sometimes P suffers from bowel problems and that evening her issues prevented me from doing what I really wanted to do, so I will be saving this pleasure for another session. However, I was able to play with her gently for a while with my gloved fingers. She moaned and arched her back towards me, wanting more but knowing the full act wouldn't be possible. I was able to do enough for P to know who owns her anus and to make sure that the D/s bond was reinforced between us. Afterwards I brought out her favourite bullet vibrator and began to play with her pussy. As she had been on abstinence for a couple of days, together with the very arousing shopping trip (her jeans were sopping wet), I knew that she would be wound up and raring to go!

I started with the bullet, then gave it to P to take over. As she did so I took the ruler and swotted her bum constantly alternating little taps with harder, sharper slaps. Soon her bum was glowing a deeper red than before. I wanted her to experience the real pleasure/pain principle and to see if she could still concentrate on trying to achieve orgasm while I smacked her. I watched her struggle to keep going, her arm and legs shaking as she tried to hold herself up, maintain her position. I would reprimand her if she slouched, smack her harder. I created a rhythm with my ruler, keeping up the intensity as she approached orgasm. She let go and her whole body jerked as she moaned and whimpered, panted and gasped. I kept smacking knowing she may have a multiple if she was lucky. Her orgasm seemed to go on forever until she could take no more. I smacked her hard a few times in post coital before she slumped down on the bed exhausted.

She started to shake and I knew that all her emotions would quickly rise to the surface. I was needed, she needed her Lady to comfort and hold her. I eased onto the bed and cradled her against me, stroking her hair and telling her what a good girl she was. My lovely, red headed Hussy. It wasn't long before we were both asleep. The long day shopping and then the session afterwards obviously took its toll on both of us. But we were both happy, content and at peace. Our souls as one. My dear Hussy lying in my arms, her warm body pressed against mine. She certainly earned her bittersweet reward.

The very public task

2010-10-05T23:18:00.000+01:00

On Saturday we went shopping taking the train into the nearby city centre. Armed with a local A-Z, we set off to find the adult shop I had found online. My Hussy had a choice (lucky her) of performing the task in the comparative anonymity of this shop or at Ann Summers which most UK people will know is a more commercial chain of sexy lingerie/sex toys shop for the mainstream market. Understandably P chose the quieter adult shop. You never know what to expect in what is effectively a small back street shop. Images of men in dirty raincoats always spring to mind. However, the 21st century adult shop is nothing like that anymore. It was a small shop tucked away off the main road. But the young lady behind the counter had a bubbly personality and immediately put P at her ease as we started to browse. The lady was very knowledgeable and was happy to help with anything we were looking for.

I think we spent about an hour there browsing not just the toys but the vast range of porno DVDs on display. I discovered that P had never watched a porno film before, so this was something I had to rectify. On our walk to find the shop, I had gone over the task again with P to make sure she understood as she was quite nervous about the public nature of her task. But as she was strictly pantyless that day, I knew she would also find the whole shopping day arousing. It was our little secret as we walked hand in hand that she was going shopping with her Lady, specifically to purchase things for me to use on her or for my own pleasure. Well in fact everything was for my pleasure in one way or another.

So we browsed the items quite happily as other customers arrived and departed rather quicker than we did. I made P hold out her hand so I could test various spanking items on her. She flinched and told me how each one felt. She seemed to be quite affected by the black riding crop. I have been wanting one for a while and instantly latched on to it! Then P offered some suggestions for something she hadn't experienced before. I was looking for a hog tie and couldn't find one. So when I asked the young lady, I think I certainly let her know we weren't just there for something kinky for a boyfriend! Sadly they had sold out although she did offer to try and get one from another of their outlets. The customer service was excellent!

After much thought and considering P's suggestions, the items were chosen. The riding crop, BDSM candles and vibrating nipple pumps. We then had a discussion with the young lady about porno films and what was the best around. Typically my experiences from the 80's was grainy porn dubbed with supermarket music. Times have changed and there is such an array to chose from depending on your taste, everything from amateur housewives, through to gay/lesbian, BDSM and role play. Apparently Harmony Vision is one of the best porno production companies around. We chose Young Harlots and took the items to the counter. Now was P's moment.

After the usual 'do you have enough lube?' question, P was offered a loyalty card. I said that I was sure she would be seeing a lot more of P now that we had found this Aladdin's cave of adult delights. The young lady asked what we would be doing that night and P found her voice and said 'These items are for my Lady's pleasure' pointing to me as she did so. The lady smiled and not missing a beat or batting an eyelid replied 'ooh that's nice!' I smiled as mission was accomplished. As P took the bag of goodies, we were both wished a happy evening together before we made our way outside. I held P's hand and asked her how she felt. Her broad beaming smile told me all I needed to know. We kissed and made our way back to the main shops, almost walking on air. I stroked her bare bum through her jeans causing her to wiggle and giggle.

The rest of our shopping consisted of more present buying for me including a new vibrator from Ann Summers, and a fancy dress mask that I wanted for my photo session with P. It would enable me to be photographed still hiding some of my face and maintain some mystic about my persona. But as we sat on the train later that day on the way back home, we both exchanged secret smiles of pleasure, excitement and arousal as the toys in the plain black plastic bag seemed to burn a hole in it, just begging to be used.

Serving her Lady

2010-10-04T23:09:00.001+01:00

Friday evening was P's first experience of servitude outside the 'Chamber'. Normally all our sessions are conducted indoors and within the confines of my Chamber, whether at my home or hers. Sometimes, we have been shopping together and she has been banned from wearing panties for this but nothing more. The weekend was all about stretching those boundaries, first within the confines of the home and then outside the home in a more public setting. As with any training, I start simply so that P gets used to what is expected of her. One of the things I always look forward to when I stay with P is using her bath. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than having a long, luxuriating soak chin deep in warm waters and scented bubbles. I felt this was the simplest way for P to serve me, attend to my every wish and desire, pamper me and help to keep my body beautiful.

After dinner, I went into Domme mode and instructed P to run the bath to my specifications, setting out warm towels and my toiletry bag. I waited downstairs for her to announce it was ready. She was to serve me dressed in only her underwear. I had already inspected the bathroom to ensure she had adhered to my orders it be clean and fit for purpose and she had successfully passed this test. I found the bath ready for me. I undressed and passed her my clothes to fold and put away before I slipped into the bath. It was the perfect temperature and I was able to lay back and enjoy the waters. She knelt by the bath waiting for my instructions.

After lying in the bath for a while, I began my usual rituals of exfoliating, washing and shaving. Patiently she obeyed my every word, keeping her eyes downcast. It must have been very hard for her not to gaze upon me and only hear the sounds as I bathed. I ordered a drink and was offered wine or a hot drink. I chose my favourite pink fizz and was presented with a flute glass of chilled fizz. It was delicious and decadent to sip the sparkling wine while bathing. Once I had completed all my rituals, I stepped out and was presented with a wonderfully warm fluffy towel which P wrapped around me. Once dry, P helped to place a bathrobe around me and presented slippers for my feet. I ordered her to clean and tidy the bathroom while I went downstairs and waited for her.

When P came back downstairs, she made me another drink before she set about her second task of the evening, to give me a pedicure and paint my toenails. Diligently, P set about her task. I know she was nervous about making a mistake, and I was prepared to accept this but she was an absolute doll. She pumiced my feet to make them soft and smooth before giving me an excellent foot massage with a rich foot cream. Then she prepared my toenails before starting to paint them with my chosen nail varnish. She put a base coat on first and allowed it to dry before painting two coats onto my toenails. Carefully she removed any stray nail varnish edges so that when her task was complete, my feet looked and felt wonderful. Finally, she gave me a hand massage with an equally excellent hand cream. I then discharged P of her duties for a while as I prefer to paint my own fingernails and did this myself.

The evening started at 9pm and by the time she finished painting my toenails it was almost midnight. But time meant nothing to either of us. I was pleased and proud of my Hussy's servitude. She was attentive, respectful, polite and observant as well as anticipating my needs. She concentrated on her tasks with diligence and care. I felt her devotion to her Lady most keenly. She was proud to serve me and I know from our discussions over the course of the weekend, that she felt a sense of peace and true belonging in being able to serve me, to make me happy and prove her love to me. What more could her Lady ask for?

Mission accomplished

2010-10-03T23:25:00.000+01:00

I am back after my weekend with P. I will elaborate further in future posts but decided to give a quick taster of our time together. I was able to instigate servitude training with P on Friday night where she served me as I availed myself of her most welcome of facility, a bath. It is one of the things I adore, a long luxuriating bath full of scented bubbles. She had to constantly attend to my every whim and I admit to enjoying this side of dominance immensely. I discovered she gives lovely foot massages. On Saturday, P completed the reassigned task to my satisfaction. She was still on a touching ban and pantyless for the day. Around this, we enjoyed the simple pleasure of girly shopping. But the secret undertone of shopping with my Hussy was definitely arousing and I was spoilt rotten by her. She took some photos of me in various costume changes and I hope to be able to post them when they are edited. In the evening, she was punished for the late diary and the slate wiped clean. As promised, I rewarded her. Today I returned home and although I am tired, I am very content and feel very proud of my Hussy. She is going to become a very obedient and attentive submissive. And I feel very privileged to have been given her precious gift of submission. I will cherish it always.

Countdown

2010-10-01T00:08:00.000+01:00

Not the TV programme although the music could be appropriate! We are both, literally, on a countdown. It's no longer weeks, or days but hours. One more sleep then I will be on the road in the morning. Every minute on the road, every mile covered will be a mile and a minute nearer. I want the seconds to be minutes and minutes to be hours so that our time together will never end. But unless we have a TARDIS (nice but unlikely!), time will pass as it should and forty eight hours will quickly pass. We shall cram so much into it, not just D/s. The most important thing is to spend quality time together. Time to share, laugh, breathe and love together. Our RL relationship won't be neglected. Saturday is already planned with a shopping trip, part of which is her reassigned task that she couldn't complete last weekend due to illness. This time I shall be observing, making sure she sticks to her task and this time I can actually hear what she says. Nothing like a good bit of girly shopping including adult shops! Of course, P shall be on a no panties rule so that kind of shopping just reinforces the whole experience, while I smile and glow with pride that I am out with my Hussy. Even just going round IKEA will take on a whole new meaning for us. So tonight I shall go to sleep with a certain peace in my heart, and a fluttering tummy at the anticipation of what is to come. What I will do with her, how I will do, when and for how long. To have her serve me, submit to me, love me. This time not just in the privacy of her own home, but in public albeit hidden to most. How wonderful, our little secret from the world.

Head space

2010-09-28T23:05:00.000+01:00

It's only three days until I travel to be with my Hussy for the weekend. 48 hours of bliss. I will say that the D/s side won't take up all our time, well quite a bit, but our RL relationship is more important and I will make sure that this isn't overlooked or neglected. But mentally preparing for the weekend is something both of us need to do. I have just issued P with her instructions for the weekend. They range from mentally and physically preparing herself to making sure the house is how I want it. This is important for me as it makes her get into the right head space. I will be ensuring she doesn't forget my presence in the house either before, during or after my visit. I shall be making my own preparations. Clothes, toys, tasks, planning and my own physical appearance. I shall be preening and shaving so that I can give P something to aspire to. Something for her to try and attain. Of course there is an element of failure in all of this. My instructions strive to indoctrinate her. Mentally, getting into my own head space will enable me to dominate her from the first second we're together, if I so wish. I like to add the element of surprise. It adds to the excitement and I'm sure P will be in a semi state of constant arousal from now until we meet. She won't know how I'm going to be until I decide. I may appear to be calm and placid yet she knows that underneath, at any given moment, I can instruct her to do something, change her appearance, serve me, submit to my will. She knows there is outstanding punishment for last week. She knows she has her task reassigned to the weekend in my full presence. She knows all this and it will help to ensure she adopts the right frame of mind. I shall be ready to take her by the hand and bend her to my will. And I can't wait...

Task reassinged

2010-09-27T22:06:00.000+01:00

My Hussy was due to complete her last task on Saturday but as she was ill, she was unable to do so. As I am visiting P at the weekend, I informed her that she will do the task in my presence. Originally P was to go into Ann Summers and purchase an erotic novel for me telling the cashier that she was buying it for her Lady as she liked to read it while she serviced me. I have now embellished the task. We will visit a couple of shops together and I will choose an item that I can use on P and also an item for my own pleasure. P will pay for them and when she does, she will tell the cashier that the items are for her Lady's pleasure. I will be within earshot to ensure she doesn't fail. I have given her an incentive to perform the task well and to my satisfaction. The lure of reward. Of course what form that reward takes will be of my own choosing. We have sourced a couple of good adult shops in the city where she lives and take advantage of the nearby shopping centre too. So we can spend some of Saturday doing what girls do best shopping! But in the best kink way.

Temporary Relief

2010-09-26T01:05:00.000+01:00

Hussy has had a rollercoaster, emotional week. Although I haven't posted it here, she posted on Thursday on FetLife how broken she felt. I have taken her to her lowest point and she has pulled herself up onto her knees and carried on. She is stronger than she thought. Yesterday she should have completed her final task amongst the many I set as part of her punishment. Sadly she text me to say she was having a migraine attack, had been sick and couldn't go out. She stayed in bed most of the day until she felt well enough to eat, drink and come online to chat to me later.

When I consider all the tasks she has completed, despite the photography/laptop fiasco on Tuesday night, she has successfully achieved all other goals set. Her lines were sent on time and I received them on Wednesday, she posted her self punishment article on Wednesday on FetLife and emailed my diary early on Friday night. Her diary was illuminating, totally honest and reassured me that she was strong enough to cope with all that had happened during the last week.

I am not cruel, well not sadistically cruel. I do like to inflict but I'm not here to abuse her. I'm here to guide my Hussy and sometimes that involves punishment for her own good. But it's all done out of my love for her and she knows this. One thing it has done is make her realise what she really wants. She wrote in her last diary "This is what I want, You as my Lady is what I want and what I need. You fulfil an aspect of me that I never fully realised was there. I had suspicions, but a spot of kink in a vanilla relationship is vastly different to the levels You have taken me to in Your Chamber. I now realise more than ever how much strength it takes to submit, to give away control, to trust someone else so completely." As I read the diary with a sense of pride she concluded with "I want to serve You, to honour You, to give You a reason to have pride in me. You give me reason. My failings are great but I know that You are ready to teach me, prepared to be patient with me, to mould me into something fitting of You." I can't really ask for anything more of my Hussy than that.

So from this moment on, her ban is lifted. Until a time and date to be appointed next week so that she can return to her sub mind and prepare for my imminent visit. In balance, I think lifting the ban will benefit both of us and provide her with even more impetus to serve me to the best of her abilities.

FAO: My Hussy - A very public lecture

2010-09-22T23:03:00.000+01:00

I am posting this here for my Hussy to read. As I have made this public she should appreciate and understand it even more. I was going to say this in private but decided to post it here to ensure it has the right impact.

You know how deeply disappointed I am following your failure to deliver your weekly diary on time last Friday. You were sent your instructions two days beforehand. Also writing me a diary isn't exactly a new concept for you. You told me on Thursday you were going out with some RL friends and I have no wish to interfere with your RL however I reminded you of your diary deadline as you were going out at 7pm and didn't know what time you would be home. You said that you would send it on time. The next day you emailed me to state specifically that you were going home early so you could complete your diary prior to going out. However, you went out and my inbox remained empty. You text me about 11pm to say you were on your way home and expected to be punished. This meant you knew you'd deliberately missed my deadline. You gave me a reason rather than an excuse, but these are the same thing. You wanted to send me quality rather than something inferior and decided to miss the deadline to do this. Eventually I received it 61 minutes late.

You should have informed me on Friday evening when you made this decision to miss my deadline so that I could be forewarned. It wouldn't have changed the outcome but at least I would have known rather than stare at an empty inbox. My ire stems not only from the missed deadline but because you told me that you were coming home to make sure the diary was complete and sent on time. Then you decided not to. Whatever your reason is not the point. You decided otherwise. Let me ask you if this had been one of your pupils who gave you the same reason for not doing homework would you feel any different? I doubt it.

So I have devised some tasks for you to complete this week. They are meant to teach you a valuable lesson as my submissive that I will not tolerate lateness with diaries. Not one minute late let alone 61 with a poor reason attached. At our e-session I made you punish yourself and denied you orgasm. You are currently on a touching ban until further notice however you are still expected to do your daily training without any relief afforded to you. Yesterday you completed your 100 lines and then had problems sending me the photographic evidence. Not once did you suggest Skype to get round this problem and show them to me on web cam. I trust they are in the first class post as we speak. Eventually you managed to workaround the problem and email them to me 12 minutes late. Tonight you successfully completed the second part of your tasks by posting your e-session punishment experience on FetLife. I will be asking certain other dominants to read it and possibly comment.

You now have two other tasks to complete by Saturday. One of which involves posting your experience on FetLife again. I do not expect any excuse with your diary this Friday. You have had these instructions since Sunday. My ire will not be satiated until you have completed your list of tasks. You need to be taught a stern lesson. Of course physical punishment still remains until we meet again which is very soon now. I might start keeping a tally book against you. But even if I don't you know I always keep score and never lose count. I know that you are ashamed of failure but you also have to accept your failure, complete your punishment and learn from this. You need to take more care and attention to deadlines. I will not accept any reason or excuse just as you wouldn't from one of your pupils. You must find a way to prioritise yourself when it comes to deadlines and that means working things around your private life.

Believe me Hussy if this happens again, the list of punishments will grow and become worse. Just for my readership, I am also posting a photo of your completed lines for everyone to see. Consider this a lecture to you in private, made very public. When we do meet again I expect complete submissiveness and grateful servitude towards your Lady.

If you can't do the time...

2010-09-20T01:13:00.000+01:00

My Hussy failed to deliver her weekly diary on time. Missed by one hour and one minute. I was able to administer some long distance punishment via our e-session on Saturday night but her physical punishment is still outstanding until my visit to her in a couple of weeks time. However in the meantime I can devise a series of mental punishments meant to ensure she knows how disappointed I am in my Hussy. I sent her an email earlier detailing her tasks and additional punishments. I haven't had any kind of response yet. I expect that when she read it, she took a deep intake of breath. One of her tasks is to post on FetLife by Tuesday night, so if you're a member don't forget to check out the Writings Section for Lady_Xanax's_Hussy. In fact she has two FetLife posts to complete by the end of the week as well as my usual diary and one other additional punishment. She is also on a continuous touching ban (apart from her pussy & anal training). There is no time limit set for this to end. It's completely at my discretion and she knows this.

I hope that by this weekend, all tasks will be completed, the lesson is suitably learned and I have one very humble and chastised Hussy. Probably climbing the walls knowing I'm free to pleasure myself as often as I wish. Well if you can't do the time...

Normal service has resumed

2010-09-19T01:50:00.000+01:00

After a day of self doubts and a semi emotional crisis, P text me when she read my earlier post regarding my feelings. We chatted online for a while and she was happy for me to postpone the e-session until tomorrow when I might be in a better frame of mind. I said I wanted to do the session as we'd arranged for tonight. I view it rather like falling off a bike. If you fall off, you get straight back on again. If you don't, you won't have the courage to continue. So I said we'd do the session. And I was so glad that we did. Everything just clicked back into place so easily. My mindset returned and I was focused on my Hussy completely. Having to punish her probably helped with the process. I always write up our sessions so I can remember what I've done, what's worked and what hasn't, how P has felt and what she's said. It helps me to plan for future sessions. I had FetLife open on the laptop and I received a message from a stranger. A dom who had read my erotic piece I had posted a few days ago. His words were so uplifting and gave me a much needed boost of confidence that I was doing the right thing. And that P had a special and discerning mistress. So a stranger helped to link the circle and reconnect me. I feel whole and complete again. Normal service has resumed.

It's that old devil called doubt again

2010-09-18T20:14:00.000+01:00

Why today of all days should my old doubts and fears return? Strong enough to make me question who I am, why I do this, what am I doing it for and most importantly should I be doing this? I did this once before and my guilt over domination became so great I ran away from it for six months only to recently return. I never read of this on anyone else's blog or journals. May be I am too honest and admit to being a human being. I know that P has no problems with her submission. I have struggled on and off to accept my dominant side, embrace it and enjoy it. It all sounds rather stupid doesn't it. We are having an e-session tonight but I sat here earlier and thought about calling it off. I couldn't go through with it. Emotionally I was brought to tears as I looked at what everyone else has been doing on FetLife and felt a rather ineffectual dominant. I felt I was only playing around with it, that I was almost a fraud in the BDSM culture. But someone told me today that my experiences are no more invalid than hers, just different rungs of the same ladder.

P has always said I put too much pressure on myself to deliver as her Lady and I know that's true. I should learn to step back, embrace and enjoy it and not be consumed by guilt. She loves me in all ways and being D/s is just one small facet of our relationship. In RL things are equal and loving. Often she is my rock and my shoulder to cry on. In RL I am far less expressive and unable to open up properly. Love has always alluded me until we met. I have a lot of baggage that she has slowly been chipping away at. As her Domme, I free myself for a while of these chains and am able to express myself. I am an enigma, complex and deep spirited. Even I don't understand myself sometimes.

I did what I always do, I gave myself a stern talking to and got on with life. I made myself stop blubbing and being pitiful. I made myself see that every other aspect of my life is wonderful and bless what I have been given. And I should bless this side of me just as much. I shouldn't keep on seeing the negative, but focus on what pleasures this gives me, the positive effect is has on me and let me dominant soul sing.

Oops!

2010-09-17T23:29:00.000+01:00

I've checked my in-box and find it empty when it should read 'one new message'. A deadline missed, not just by minutes but in so many more ways. Is it defiance? Is it rebellion? I ponder how my Hussy could be like this as she hasn't failed quite so badly for a while. I accept we all have RL to deal with but her instruction was issued two whole days ago. She told me rather late last night that she had been invited out with some of her vanilla work colleagues. Not a problem, I said, I don't want to interfere with RL. But a deadline is a deadline and I expect it to be adhered to. She should know this by now. She should know that it displeases me. Her diary should be with me but she isn't home yet and she failed to send it before she went out. I am deeply disappointed. She will expect to be punished, she knows this. Discipline is required and it shall be meted out. Am I being cruel or too strict? May be, may be not. This is all about perspective. My perspective is an instruction with a specific deadline was issued and she has failed to comply. Tomorrow I will get the apologies and may be a reason for her failure. But she knows she has failed. That will shame her. She feels the shame of failing me keenly. And she will atone for her failure. I will teach her a lesson and expect her to learn from her mistakes, to learn from my discipline, to accept my authority and try harder next time. I will tell her it is part of her submission and acceptance of my dominance, how I guide her to be a better hussy for me. And I shall secretly smile as I do all of this. Oops indeed!

Finding my voice

2010-09-15T23:11:00.000+01:00

Well it's not even been a week since I joined FetLife and it is certainly proving to be something I wish I'd done a long time ago. It's lovely to have complete strangers say hello and have a genuine interest in who I am and ask sensible questions. I have been able to engage in proper adult conversation about the life style without any prejudice or preconceived ideas. It's been most refreshing and a welcome outlet other than this blog. It's been good to talk as the old BT advert once said. Of course I'm not naive. I'm sure there are time wasters and I will eventually get my fair share of being pestered as I am a Domme on the site. If it happens, I'll deal with it. But I have realised that it is human conversation, however it's conducted, with like minded individuals that I've missed the most. It's not exactly the kind of thing you can drop into a dinner conversation when someone says 'and what do you like to do in your spare time?' 'Well actually I'm a Domme and I have a hussy sub' would rather kill any party stone dead amongst vanillas. Although a part of me would rather enjoy the reaction afterwards!

I am happy to chat to anyone so I have been able to engage with both dominants and submissives and treat them all the same. P has also joined FetLife and I'm sure it will be even more beneficial for her. Being able to chat to others like herself and find some real friends in the life style. Empathy is a great thing. There are lots of groups and some already have topics which strike a chord within both our souls. It has been refreshing to be so open when this aspect of my soul is closely guarded and kept hidden from my vanilla life. Which I'm sure many of you out there can appreciate. I've had funny and serious conversations in equal measure and found some fetishes listed also brought a smile to my face. There are three listed for 'David Tennant' which I did as a search just for fun! Certainly appeals to my Whovian geekness!

FetLife has brought me out of my shell and allowed me to fly, stretch my wings and find my voice. It's a liberating experience for both of us.

My own pleasure

2010-09-13T01:27:00.003+01:00

The reawakening of my mojo has had one super side affect - great orgasms! I have had some beautiful ones over the last two or three days, probably helped by the end of my cycle and a sudden rise in my libido! So my trusty bullet has been my faithful friend. It's not often I achieve a multiple but this has also happened twice so I count myself as blessed. My body is responding as our D/s becomes more connected. I am just enjoying the release and endorphins that go with them. I feel the glow of happiness and it probably shows too. It's not something I would have admitted, let alone publicly written about before now but now my confidence has allowed me to say it out loud. And be proud of it too!

Tonight

2010-09-11T20:30:00.005+01:00

I text her this morning 'no panties rule today', she replied 'I have followed my lady's wishes'. She is on a touching ban and feels it keenly. I have received her diary and know her innermost thoughts. She can not hide from me. She has her written instructions sent by email - how to present herself to me, what to wear, items she needs with her. She will have the nipple clamps she was told to buy, she knows they will be used on her, by her. Now she is preparing - bathing, shaving, shaking with anticipation of what is to come. She will speak her mantra to herself as she looks in the mirror and sees the reflection of who she truly is. My Hussy and my Slut. I control and deny her by my words. Tonight I will speak and she will do my bidding, for I am her Lady. And it feels good.

FetLife

2010-09-10T21:05:00.005+01:00

I've known about FetLife for a while but never considered joining it. Mainly because I felt like a fraud. Why? Because for a long time, I've felt I'm just playing around with D/s and people on forums and communities such as FetLife would just ignore me. It's all about acceptance, and that's what everyone wants from life. To be part of something. But an email I received this week has made me look at this differently. Or rather me differently. FetLife (which I'm sure many of you know) is the BDSM equivalent of Facebook and MySpace, but run by kinsters for kinksters. I suppose I wasn't ready to broadcast my existence to a far wider internet audience. Since regenerating the blog and rediscovering my mojo, I have pondered FetLife several times. The email finally made me realise that I shouldn't be scared to say who I am and be proud of this part of my life.

So I've taken the plunge and signed up. It's only been a couple of days and I haven't had time to really start to explore the community, the groups, discussions or make any friends yet. My profile is blank apart from some basic information but I intend to resolve this over the weekend. So if anyone out there would like to join me as a friend on FetLife, my ID there is Lady_Xanax. I'm sure it will take a while to find my way round it and get familiar with how to post or join discussions but I hope to meet lots of new friends. I am happy to chat to anyone whether you're a top, bottom, dom(me), male or female, sub, straight, gay, bi or whoever you chose to be. The important thing for me is to learn and share this whole experience. So now I've taken the plunge, please look me up!

text domme

2010-09-10T18:58:00.003+01:00

I've done this a few times and I love doing it. On a Friday night after work, P goes down the local pub with her work colleagues for an hour or so probably to have a good gossip. This afternoon I sent her a text, an instruction from me. When she got to the pub, she had to go straight to the ladies and remove her panties and not wear any until tomorrow morning. Then she has to write about her experience and email it to me by 11pm tonight. At 16.37, I duly received a text telling me that she had complied with my instructions. I love this kind of domination and manipulation of someone. Of course I have to trust she has done this. But I know she does. Once when we were out food shopping, I told her to go to the ladies and take off her knickers. When she returned I eased my hand over her skirt and felt her bum. She squirmed at my touch and I smiled. The illicit thought of walking round the supermarket with no knickers showed on her face and in my psyche. I think I shall be doing this more often.

Tease and Denial

2010-09-08T22:00:00.007+01:00

One of the ways I control P is denial. Quite often in the day or so before we have a session, whether an e-session or physically together in my Chamber I put her on a ban. I view training as non-pleasurable as she must not use it to orgasm with. It's purely training to keep her pussy and anus supple for me and my play. Sometimes I will ban both. When P is seriously aroused and begging for an outlet, I will use denial to restrain her. Not physically but mentally. P was on a 24 hour touching ban before our e-session on Saturday. It helps to ensure she concentrates on what it means to be my hussy and get her into the right head space. After the emotional session for her, I left the ban in place until Sunday night. Then I allowed her to pleasure herself for 24 hours. She was eternally grateful to me for untying her mental bonds.

Of course there is an element of trust here. I trust P that she does as I ask her even though I am not physically there to witness or oversee things. I believe she trusts that I also make the right decisions in our D/s relationship. I know sometimes she sulks and gets frustrated when I do ban her. P can be petulant! But that just adds to the thrill, and can bring out the worst in me. She hasn't been under a ban for longer than a couple of days but I might change that. We are due to see each other again at the end of this month, and I am thinking of how long to put her under a touching ban in the run up to my visit. This time I am visiting her. I already have ideas of what to do, apart from just being together for a weekend.

P informed me that she had purchased the nipple clamps I ordered her to do. She also seemed to have gone on a shopping spree while she was in the shop telling me she was now in possession of the sluttiest lingerie she'd ever bought. I look forward to her wearing it. She had been allowed to touch herself for 24 hours from Sunday night and subsequently another ban had followed suit. So by last night, a combination of her shopping trip and our MSN conversation P was suitably fit to burst. I graciously allowed her another 24 hours pleasure time which has now expired. I think you get the drift of this week - 24 hours on, 24 hours off.

I started to engage with P the notion that I would take our D/s outside the Chamber when I visit her. At first she thought I meant outside literally as in public. I reassured her this wasn't the case. By outside, I meant outside the Chamber but still within the confines of her house. I explained how she could serve me. Simple things like waiting on me, fetching me a cup of tea, massaging my feet, kneeling beside me just content to be at my feet. Then I teased her some more. I gave her a scenario. To help me to bathe. This is know is one of her personal fantasies. Make sure the bathroom is all ready with bubble bath and sparkling wine, candles and incense. Well by the end of this little conversation, P was suitably aroused and excited. For me the arousal comes from the power aspect. The power to have someone do my bidding, how I want it, when I want it. It's not just about P being my play toy although that does have definite fringe benefits. But getting her to dress how I want her, slutty or hussy, parade around for me and do as I tell her. That's the real turn on. To use her as I wish. What more could a dominant ask for?

Tonight P has her ban lifted for 24 hours, then it's back to mental restraint and denial. How long for I don't know yet. And I'm not going to give away the answer here as P avidly reads my blog and is one of my followers. Otherwise the surprise would be lost. I'm already planning our e-session knowing she had bought the nipple clamps. And although I won't be able to physically do the deed, making her do it to herself, show me and then progress from there, is enough of a mental stimulation to make P shiver. To see her squirm, be embarrassed or fear what she has to do is a buzz for me on every level. I think I need to find a dark corner before I get too excited at the prospect!

A different kind of e-session

2010-09-06T22:52:00.006+01:00

And so to Saturday night. Our first e-session since getting back into the zone. I had decided we would use Skype, with myself as voice audible only to P but I could view and hear her with her web cam. Thus it would replicate the Chamber. I had emailed P her instructions a couple of days beforehand so she knew what I wanted in terms of her appearance. I got more and more nervous as the time neared (11pm). Why I don't know. I suppose I didn't know if it would affect me the same way it does P. She finds the e-sessions very arousing, stimulating and defining. For her they reinforce our connection and our bond as D/s. Her diary had arrived on time, so I had a chance to read her thoughts concerning our previous session together. She admitted in her diary that she had failed with my verbal instruction for her to verbalise physically the words 'hussy' and 'slut' rather like an affirmation twice daily, morning and night. She finds written instructions easier to follow and remember than verbal ones. At first we just chatted for a few minutes to make sure it was all working properly and that I had the right view of her. Then we began.

First I thanked her for the diary and informed her that she would receive punishment for not speaking her affirmations. I calculated this should have been said ten times by our e-session. Then I did what I always did in session and inspect her, to make sure she was to my specification. She removed her bathrobe and displayed her breasts. I told her to stand. Front view. Bare pussy, as I like it. I told her to turn round. Rear view. I told her to bend over. P did so and reached behind her to part her bum cheeks and display her bare arse. Very fulfilling. Satisfied that P had prepared herself to my liking, I told her to turn round to face me again before kneeling back down. I decided that she should be punished for failing to comply with my instruction. She would stand naked turned away from me, hands behind her head facing her bedroom window (which I could see over her shoulder) for 5 minutes. Her curtains were open and the lights were on. Plenty of embarrassment factor although I know she doesn't overlook any other houses, just an office which would be empty. Unless anyone happened to be walking down the street glanced up... P stood up and did as she was told. I was rewarded with a grand view of her pale, rounded backside while I watched the clock. It's rather like placing a child on the naughty spot. It works well.

The five minutes probably seemed like hours to P until I told her the time was up. Gratefully she returned to kneel. I asked her how she felt. She said she was humbled, humiliated and embarrassed by the punishment. Good. That's what it should do. P was suitably chastised though physical punishment would still be outstanding and meted out at our next real session. I asked if P had moisturised her body after preparing it. She said no as she didn't know whether she would want me to demonstrate. P was starting to know how my mind worked. I told her to show me how she moisturised. P asked if it was full body or just certain areas. I told her to do her breasts first. P showed me her bottle of moisturiser before starting to apply it. She rubbed it into her skin, massaging her breasts one at a time. Over and under, making sure every part was soft and smooth. She paid extra attention to her lovely nipples. When she completed her task she resumed her kneeling position.

I said nothing, then told her to moisturise her pussy and anus. Again P began to do this. She stood up so I had a clear view, propping one leg up on the bed next to her. I watched as she carefully and diligently applied the moisturiser. Then she turned around to repeat the process, carefully fingering her arse to rub in the lotion. Then she cleaned her hands before resuming her humble position in front of her laptop. I asked her how it felt to do this act before me. P admitted it felt odd, being observed when she had only ever this in private. It was usually part of her ritual that enabled her to get into her sub zone mentally. She also added that it was exciting to do it while being watched. It was good to hear that these little things could be perverted.

I told P that she needed to restart her training which I know she had missed greatly. She was also a apprehensive that she may not be able to do so much as she used to, given the enforced hiatus. I reassured her that we would take it step by step and if there were any problems, we would stop. It was only natural that muscles would tighten and not be used to penetration after a period of stoppage. I allowed P time to move the laptop so I could see her on the bed. She took with her gloves, lube and her butt plugs. She asked if I could see her, I could. I told her to start with her fingers and then move on to the plugs if possible. But I wanted her to tell me what she was doing as she trained under my supervision. So P started her training. She lay on her side, back facing me, legs bent up slightly. Using a lubed glove, she began with one finger. She found this easier than she anticipated and soon used two fingers. She asked if she could go use the small plug and I agreed. Carefully she eased this between her bum cheeks and soon it disappeared. P held it in place before pumping it in and out. She moaned and wiggled. I told her off. This was training not pleasure. She apologised and continued her training in silence. P said that she could go onto the medium plug in her set of three. Again I agreed. P removed the small plug and lubed up the medium plug. Slowly P began to insert it, angling it before it seemed to be swallowed whole. P sighed and moved her hips to ensure she was comfortable. Again she held it before pumping it. I asked how it felt and she said it was good. Easier than she imagined it would be. For several minutes she stretched and retrained her anus to the joys of anal play. Then she said that she was beginning to feel sore so I told her to stop, clean herself and go back to her original kneeling position.

It took a few minutes for P to do this and settle back down again. I allowed her to rest for a few minutes and drink water to ensure she was hydrated as a session always affected her. Once P was ready, she knelt before me in front of her laptop. She bowed her head. I thanked her for showing me her training. I asked her what it had been like. She was surprised how easy it had been though she couldn't go on for as long as she had done a few months ago. This was only to be expected. I told her to resume her training on a nightly basis, accepting that it wasn't always possible to do this but it should be a regular occurrence. P assured me she would do this. I told P to kneel upright and to pinch her nipples. There was no hesitation to my instruction as she began to pinch them between her fingers. She was to keep doing this until I told her to stop. Her breasts bounced around as she did so, her nipples soon upright and developing a rosy glow from the abuse. P moaned and tried to suppress any pain she felt. I told her to make sure they were sharp pinches just like I would do. I was going to tell her to stop when P said she felt lightheaded. She slumped down and breathed heavily. I realised she was having one of her turns. Sometimes she felt the sessions too keenly and the mixture of emotions and adrenalin would take their toll. It was nearing the end of the hour so I naturally wound the session down. I told P that I wanted her to purchase some nipple clamps that we had seen out shopping together the week before by Wednesday this week. P nodded. I told her to freshen up, rest, drink and eat before formally ending the session.

It's only by doing our e-session like this, visually, that I was able to see and experience how deeply this works for P. I had my doubts but now I have none. At first I was anxious about how I could control P like this but again, my anxieties have disappeared. By the end of the session, I was revelling in the level of control I had over her. I know that P has a huge submissive streak running through her soul and she is never one to question my instructions unless they involve her hard limits. There is never any struggle mentally or physically. But essentially P was like my play toy. I said, she did. I watched and observed, sometimes coldly, sometimes excitedly. Sometimes I know I'm still adjusting to this power I have over another human being. Power and yet responsibility. The one thing that neither of us had on Saturday night was touch. I couldn't hold her or give her the proper aftercare she needed. P said she knew I was there in spirit but when she was in need of her Lady, I couldn't touch her. However, I know my voice and soothing words were enough for her to know I care for her.

I think we both learned a lot about this first foray into web cam e-session and I am planning our second on this Saturday night. I can learn from what happened to both of us and improve on it. We both should feel more positive about it even if we both get butterflies beforehand. But I am certain that it will help us to maintain our bond, may be even take e-sessions onto a different level. I'm sure this is old news to those who have been doing this already. But for us, it's all about beginnings. Well everyone has to start somewhere.

Next Steps

2010-09-05T22:20:00.008+01:00

P always says that when we're together in the Chamber, she has no concept of time. I am the clock watcher, checking the clock to make sure that P isn't gagged for too long, restrained unduly without cutting off the blood supply, that I don't get carried away with the plug or vibrator so she gets sore. Time is constant for me in the Chamber, it's a check and balance. For P, she has no idea how long a session lasts, let alone how long she has been gagged, spanked, flogged or anything else that takes my fancy. Time is relevant in so many ways for us. The days, weeks and hours we are apart as we live almost 200 miles apart is one aspect and probably the most important one for us on both levels. As our D/s and also in our real life relationship. I know it is 3 weeks and 5 days until we're together again when I make the drive across country to see her for the weekend. It's been 7 nights since P left me to go back to her home and her real life. And though we miss each other every day, we've learned to use that distance and separation as something to make us stronger.

We both have good careers which keep us busy, other friends and family to occupy our time. Real life is constant and a good way of distracting us when the going gets tough. But we chat to each other every day, mostly via messenger but also email, Skype and the good old fashioned telephone. I often write to P, cards and letters. I'm old fashioned that way. Now that my mojo is well and truly re-established, I am keen to maintain our bond and reconnect with P when we are apart. That means going back to e-sessions.

I always wondered if they really worked, whether they were effective in helping us get through the weeks we were apart. P reassured me that they did even though last year it was done via messenger which often made the e-sessions quite long and drawn out while I waited for her to complete her instruction and type back to me. Neither of us had the technology for video etc. A year on, we have the technology which is a little scary. I am very camera shy and find using web cam rather intimidating. I know, a dominant intimidated by technology is quite funny. But it does. But if we're going to make our D/s work this time, then I know we both have to embrace it. I know I'm going to make mistakes, probably freak out a little over it but I don't want it to defeat me. I want to know if being visual/verbal with each other will give me the same effect as messenger sessions have done with P.

With messenger I could use my imagination more. I would give the instruction and visualise in my mind P on her bed, doing my bidding and there was a huge amount of arousal and power derived from this method. I'm apprehensive that some of that power may be lost in using Skpye or video messenger. I don't know why. Logically the power should increase and be reinforced as P can hear and see me and react instantly rather than have the passage of time in between written comments. It should be almost as if we're both in the same room, apart from the fact I can't physically touch her. A regret but something I should be able to overcome.

During the last week, I decided that I would have an e-session on Saturday night. Normally Friday's is 'our' night whether e-session or a 'share' between us which ranges from D/s to personal ones. However with both of us going back to work last week, I suspected we'd both be tired Friday night and a session wouldn't be appropriate. I had given P some verbal instruction to complete daily and wondered if she would remember. A diary was also be required before the e-session took place, a regular deadline. I discussed the options open for us concerning conducting our e-session and I wanted us to try Skype which P was very happy with. She suggested that I use my headphones so she could only hear my voice, while I could see her with her web cam. This would replicate being in my Chamber as P often says she doesn't see much of me with her eyes downcast or blindfolded. She merely hears my voice unless I allow her to look at me.

I sent P her written instructions by email so she was clear in how I wanted her physically and mentally. I also put her on a touching ban from Friday night, I was feeling generous! And as the week progressed, I thought more and more about Saturday night and what I would want her to do. I wanted to keep it simple, and again, about an hour in duration. That word time again. I didn't want to put any pressure on us or more importantly me. Otherwise things would start to unravel very quickly and my old fears would return. But at least now I understand where I went wrong personally and don't want to repeat those old mistakes. I love what I do too much. I get too aroused and enjoy the power and domination too much to want to run away for a second time. I know that P feel so much calmer and at peace now that we have resumed our D/s side of things. But it is only one aspect of our overall relationship. It does make us closer and we share something very special. I'm no expert with D/s, I would never pretend to be. What we do is our way and if it works for us, that's all that matters.

So our next challenge is to embrace 21st Century technology and use web cams and voice to control and dominate. Nerve wracking - yes, scary - yes, fear of the unknown - yes. I'm sure many other D/s couples of whatever persuasion use this regularly and effectively. But doing it for the first time is daunting. I didn't know if I would be able to command and maintain my domination, whether P would be in the right zone mentally. That I would lose my way, get tongue tied, embarrassed and lose the flow of session. I had to get into my own head space if I was going to get this right and make it work. After going through such a long break when the mojo was lost, I didn't want to turn tail and fail again. So when I got to last night, I literally had to take a deep breath and just dive in. P has complete faith in me as her Domme and in my abilities. She knows that e-sessions have worked for us in the past. She was more than ready to embrace the new. Now I just had to have a little faith in myself.

The Return of Her Lady

2010-09-02T22:52:00.014+01:00

It wasn't until Sunday that I ventured back into my alter ego. P was returning home the next day, and we enjoyed going out and being together on Friday and Saturday especially as the weather had turned warmer and a lot drier. On Sunday afternoon I told P that I wanted to take her to bed but again kept the rest of it to myself. I went from one room to another carefully preparing the scene in my head and in reality. I was going to stick to the basics. I laid out a large towel, flogger, blindfold, wrist restraints and nipple clamps. Just within reach but on the floor were a pack of my favourite pink latex gloves and the lube bottle. Finally I got out my scene clothes. P was in the living room and later she told me that when she saw my kitten heel shoes in my hand, her heart leaped at the sight. It meant her Lady had returned. She wasn't expecting another scene before she had to go so anything I offered was an added bonus. I dressed and felt quite calm. Not my usual nervous self. I decided it would be no more than an hour and would focus on those things that excited both of us. Before P came in, I told her to bring her camera bag.

She knelt before me and I offered my hand to be formally kissed. Then I told P to take some photos of me, photos that represented me as she saw me. P became the professional as she asked me to pose and took about twenty or so photos. I want some more so that I can put a few on this blog at a later date but was pleased with what she took especially as it was on the spur of the moment. When the camera had returned to its case, I told her to take off her outer garments. P had obviously anticipated a session but never dared think it would happen as she revealed her pretty black and pink bra/pantie set. I inspected her before taking her breasts out of her bra. I started to play with her full, rounded breasts something that excited her as well as made her gasp with that little bit of shock. I flogged them and pinched her nipples. Then I applied the nipple clamps which have bells on the end. I made her wiggle and dance her breasts up and down, round and round so the bells rang. Just for my amusement. Taking off the nipple clamps caused P to stifle her yelps. I smiled.

P made a decision many moons ago never to swear. It was one of her hard boundaries that I didn't tell her to say swear words such as fuck, shit, wanker etc. However, I viewed the words 'hussy' and 'slut' as acceptable and not swear words. She readily accepted them when I told her she was my hussy or my slut. In her diaries she often used the words, but she had never spoken them out loud. So I told her to repeat my words. 'I am a hussy' and 'I am a slut' out loud. She hesitated and I had to tell her louder and quite sharply to say them. At first I could barely hear them until I flogged her breasts making her say them loud enough for me to hear. I enjoyed the look of embarrassment on her face as she spoke the dreaded words. I made her repeat them several times for my pleasure.

When I was satisfied, my flogger turned its attention to her plump backside. I began to swipe it across with her panties still on. Each smack made her jerk before I bent her forward. Then I ripped them off so I had the whole area to play with. I soon created a rosy glow which always arouses me. I kept flogging, simply enjoying what it did to her, what it did to me. Then I indulged myself in some hussy worship and laid myself face down on the bed. I told her to kiss my bum which she is always so good at. I lay there as she diligently set about her task which aroused me immensely. After a few minutes of this, I told her to stop. Which I know always disappoints her as she loves doing it so much. I told her to lay on the bed. I moved my equipment aside and spread out the towel so she could lay on it, on her back. I placed the blindfold over her eyes and told her to lift her arms up over her head. I applied the wrist restraints before stuffing her panties in her mouth. This was another aspect that I knew humiliated her. Sometimes it was the simplest things that were the most effective. I placed the wooden spoon in her hand and told her to drop it instead of using her safe word as she was now unable to speak. She nodded to demonstrate that she understood. I walked around the bed so that I could gaze down on her. I pushed up P's legs, bending them at the knees and spread her thighs wide apart. I was tempted to get her camera back out and take some photos of her exposed, restrained, blind and mute ready for the taking. I didn't. May be next time...

I put the nipple clamps back on before I flogged her exposed pussy. This made her jump and moan deliciously. I smiled and enjoyed my time playing with my hussy. Then I decided to reacquaint P with anal training. As it had been a while since she had done any anal training, I decided I wouldn't do it for any great length of time. I would be guided by her. As P was blindfolded, I knew she would be relying on her other senses to know what was happening. I took a glove and snapped it on. I love the feeling of my pink latex gloves and the power they have. She seemed to shiver at the sound of the glove. Then I lubed my fingers. Ah this was going to be so good...

First my index finger. It slid in relatively easily. I held it in position up to my knuckle before pumping it in and out. There was little resistance and soft mewing noises emanating from my hussy's stuffed mouth. I removed my index finger and applied more lube before reinserting my index finger, joined with my middle finger. I felt the familiar clamp around them as I pushed inside P, reclaiming her again. More mewing noises. I stretched my fingers apart and pumped her arse. It felt good. The stretch made P writhe a little which was an added bonus. She needed to be reminded it was training and my pleasure not hers. I told her to be still and not move, she nodded. I knew how much she loved anal especially when I did it to her, so restraining her emotionally as well as physically was always a rush.

I removed my fingers and picked up the small plug. I told her what was coming next. I lubed it up and parted her bum cheeks before lining it up. With the right angle it soon entered her. I watched as I pushed it slowly and she swallowed it. Her muscle was ripe and willing, her arse wanton. Soon it was fully inserted and I was a happy mistress. I pumped and twisted it, more mewing sounds. I continued for about 5 minutes before I saw the signs that P was getting sore. Her body was reacting so I removed it. P signalled she needed me, so I removed her panties from her mouth. She was overwhelmed emotionally, so I sat her up before giving her some water. She thanked me and I waited for her to calm down. Then I removed the nipple clamps which made P bite down on her bottom lip and finally her wrist restraints and blindfold. Her tolerance for punishment or clamps had obviously reduced during our sabbatical. I decided that our session which had been going on for about an hour had reached a natural conclusion and ended it.

Afterwards I gave her the aftercare she needed as she knelt at my feet. I held her and her whole body trembled for a while until she recovered. Then I offered my hand and she kissed it, thanking me for allowing her back into my presence. The rest of the evening was just me and P as 'us'. I can assure you I was a horny bitch on heat and everything else was wonderful. I had already planned to do an e-session, may be using web cam instead of messaging. Something we've never done before. So we were back on track, and her Lady had returned.

A Rainy Thursday Afternoon

2010-08-30T21:56:00.005+01:00

Well it wasn't just the afternoon. It had started raining the night before and was still raining the proverbial cats and dogs the next morning. It didn't stop raining for over 24 hours. So what was there to do at home when it was raining outside? I knew what I was going to do, P didn't. To be honest she only knew half the truth. Yes we were going to bed and share our love for each other, the rest of it she had no idea. We watched DVD's and just chilled out at home while the weather did its worst outside. In the afternoon, I took her into the bedroom with no clues to give away my decision. She kissed me. I allowed it then said 'That's the only kiss you will give me.' She immediately knew by the tone of my voice that her Lady had returned. Her body language changed from lover to submissive, the subtleness all too evident to me. She downcast her eyes and crossed her hands in front of her, lowering her head to me. I felt my dominance rise and swell like a flowing high tide. But I also felt calm, calmer than the last time we had done this, played together. I felt myself smile inwardly and outwardly.

I circled her, inspecting her fully clothed. I didn't expect her to be ready for me and certainly wouldn't punish her for that. I was only going to scene for about half an hour, dip a toe in the waters and see what the reaction was for both of us. I ordered her to strip below the waist. Carefully she took off her trousers and panties. I told her to put her hands behind her head. I tucked her top up into her bra band. She breathed heavily, her breasts rising and falling with anticipation. I inspected her, circling around her. It was lovely to do this, have her as my possession. I touched her, teased her. Then I bent her over the bed so I could spank her. Lightly at first, then I used a wooden spoon. Corrupting an innocent kitchen utensil gave me a buzz. To hear it slap against her skin, leave the red marks and provoke the little mews from P's lips was music to my ears. I alternated smacks with the spoon and my hand, connecting skin on skin again.

I felt my keen arousal as we continued to play together. P faithfully counted each smack and thanked me profusely afterwards. I asked her to stand before I removed my own trousers. I turned round and settled myself face down on the bed. Now it was time for some worship of my own. I instructed her to pay homage to me. Dutifully she knelt behind me and started to kiss my thighs and my bum through my panties. I closed my eyes and let myself revel in the worship, knowing how much P adored doing this. And she did it so well, soft little kisses that covered every inch. I let her do this for several minutes before I told her to stop. I heard P kneel back down and almost whimper at not being allowed to worship me. I turned over on the bed and raised my bare left foot to her lips. I teased her, rubbing my big toe over her lips as she resolutely tried not to show any emotion. I told her to worship my foot, allowing her to hold it. She already knew not to go any higher than my ankle. I watched as her lips kissed my toes before going up and over my foot. She sucked my toes and I felt the throb between my own legs as she did so. I closed my eyes again and surrendered to the feelings.

After my left foot, I instructed P to repeat the process with my right. Again, I revelled in the sheer pleasure and delight of being served by my personal hussy. It was sheer bliss. I felt us reconnect through these simple acts, become one again in our release of dominance and submissiveness. I bade P to stop her ministrations. Again she seemed to be sad to stop worshipping me. I decided that this was enough for our mini session, not wanting to overwhelm her or myself too much. I cuddled her, giving her the aftercare I always made sure she needed. She seemed so happy at this unexpected scene, the re-emergence of her Lady and being able to worship me again but I knew it would also be very emotional for her. She breathed heavily in my arms and I soothed her until I knew she was calm.

Afterwards, we switched back to being just us and enjoyed sharing our love with each other, albeit with a renewed vigour and arousal. We talked afterwards as I wanted to make sure we both felt the same way, that we both missed it and wanted it to continue. It was obvious from our conversation that this was the case. We both had silly grins on our faces and I felt we had been able to reconnect again on the rainy Thursday afternoon. I had already started to plan ahead for our next scene before P went home (she returned today). This time I would change clothes, wear my heeled shoes and lace top hold ups, get out my box of tricks and enjoy being a Domme again. Just this brief scene gave me buzz and a high that had been missing from my life for several months and I knew that I was back on track.

Decisions

2010-08-29T01:56:00.015+01:00

I have been off work on holiday this week and P has stayed with me too. I had a vague inkling that I might try a short scene with her. But I still hadn’t made the final decision as to when or what I would do. I have been reading a particular blog BDSM Relationships for a couple of weeks. The blog has been like going back to school, BDSM school. A lot of the articles have simply reawakened my latent interest and allowed me to go over the basics. Basic principles that I had perhaps allowed to get lost before I decided to stop things for a while. P had often told me she was happy to do the same things over and over. Her favourite sessions involved restraint (hands, ankles), spanking, anal play and servitude. These things can easily fill many a happy hour or two. Reading the blog so wonderfully written by an expert in his field helped me to realise how much I missed our sessions and how aroused I still was by the thought of what I could do with P.

Although I had mentioned to P that I had been thinking more and more of returning to our play sessions, I had never confirmed anything. It had been more of an ‘if’ rather than ‘when’. And P didn’t pressurise me over the matter. Yes she would be lying if she said she wasn’t more than a little excited about the prospect, but she merely reiterated that she was coming down to see me, not Her. However, my appetite was starting to grow and I felt the hunger inside me. The little empty space inside my soul that niggled at me. The more I thought about it, the more I read and re-read and the more I thought about crossing the bridge when P arrived. In my head, I almost listed the pros and cons. I was more concerned about how I would handle it, knowing the traumas I had put myself through twice already. Simply I thought about what I missed. And those reasons came to me very quickly. The main ones I could list are:
Our Friday nights (which seemed to be more structured with our e-sessions)
Spanking (obvious!)
Servitude (being serviced by P was too arousing for words!)
Restraint
Sensory Deprivation
Dominance
Control
Fantasy (sharing ours with each other)

Once I made the mental connection to those core issues, it all seemed to slot back into place. I have mulled over things without telling P, wanting to work it out for myself. Accepting this other side of me, my alter ego, again was the key. And not to blur the edges of Her and me, to have the clear distinction between what was dominance and our real life relationship. I’m sure to many people in the community, this isn’t a problem. But for me it has and I have to make clear differences between the two before I can move forward. By Wednesday, I had settled those differences, accepted what I needed for that dark part of my soul and decided that I would make my move the next day. I didn’t tell P just in case I got cold feet and changed my mind at the last minute. I didn’t want to get her hopes up only to dash them again. I decided I would try out a mini session, probably nothing more than half an hour or so, just sticking to the basics, no formal dress changes as we used to. Just us and a quiet room, a few stern words softly spoken and my bag of tricks in the corner and see what happened. By giving myself parameters, I hoped I could keep within those boundaries and then together, share our feelings before starting again. I admit the thought scared and excited me in equal measure, but I was 99.9% certain it was decision made.

Long Hiatus and Lost Mojo

2010-08-26T23:58:00.009+01:00

Yes, it has been a long, long time since I have posted here. There have been so many things happening in my real life that my blog has been a poor last on my list. The biggest change has been my relationship with P. It has developed into real love and this is something that has been missing from my life for many years. I wanted to devote my time to our relationship and we have been able to see each other quite a lot this year as a result. The side affect of this was that my inner conflict returned. I felt that our D/s side interfered with our love. I felt I was hurting P and found it hard to separate the two sets of emotions. After P had visited at Christmas/New Year, I drove up to see her later in January this year but I couldn't go through with any kind of scene. P was fine with this but she has always been the stronger of us in emotional terms. Ironic how as her Dominant, I feel I am weaker in those terms. In February, I couldn't take the conflict any more and severed our D/s side of life. I wrote an email to P explaining how I felt and why I couldn't continue with it. I had discussed this with her for the couple of weeks or so before I made the decision, and P as always, was accepting of whatever I decided. She put her own priority on us rather than Her. As she said to me, P came to see me not Her. Her was a bonus and submissiveness was something she never expected to fulfill in the first place. It almost felt like a breakdown, which sounds extreme but I was so confused, conflicted and upset as I tried to resolve the never ending issue, that it was better to just walk away from it all.

For many weeks and months, I didn't think about D/s. Sometimes I read blogs that I have linked to my own, a sort of morbid curiosity to see how the experts handle things. I never felt I was an expert in the D/s field and did ponder, once I made the decision, whether I was capable of doing it ever again. So my mojo was well and truly lost. P was happy to leave it alone too. She wanted to concentrate on our real life relationship and I had no arguments with that. Our love deepened and strengthened and I do not regret it for a single moment. I did wonder if she regretted starting our journey together but P assured me that wasn't the case. With this assurance, I concentrated on our relationship which has deepened and helped me to open up to love after been shut away for so long.

However, that side of us is not for me to post about. I suppose people may wonder if that means the end of my blog. I have resisted deleting it, although it was my first natural reaction when I stopped our D/s relationship and locked away my alter ego. P didn't want me to delete it, she felt it was too important for that. So I just left it though I never forgot it. In recent weeks, my mojo has been re-emerge. May be I just suffered the biggest Don drop in history but about a month ago, I re-read my own blogs and started to search for new ones. The embers started to be rekindled and I admitted to myself how much it still aroused me to read about D/s relationships and all they encompassed. I started to think about P and myself, whether I could go back to it, even in a reduced format, one that suited us better. Well suited me better. I didn't want to overwhelm myself too quickly. So slowly I reacquainted myself mentally to the D/s ways, emotions, needs, wants and desires.

About 3 weeks ago, I decided to broach the subject with P during one of our online chats. I'm sure it surprised her to hear me talk about it again. I didn't want to get her hopes up but I felt it was only right that she should know what was on my mind. Again she was content for me to go back to it in my own time, in my own way. There was never any pressure from P for which I am forever grateful. So my mojo began to awaken, I felt more and more drawn to returning to our D/s relationship. The only thing I had to work out in my head was how and when.

Secret Desires

2009-12-15T21:36:00.004Z

It doesn't matter that I am currently bisexual, there is always one thing that attracts me about a guy or a woman and that's their bottom. I can't help it. There must be something in my psyche that just zones in on that particular piece of a person's anatomy. It's almost like a radar. Why? Because of my secret desire to spank. Someone, anyone. Nothing more and nothing less. Nothing necessarily sexual in it either. In a man the first thing that always attracts me is their arse. Especially in tight jeans, and unnervingly arousing in leather trousers. With any woman, I can look at the curve and the size and picture exactly where to strike, what with and what the effect would be.

It excites me, full stop. The buzz can be incredible. I decided before P and I met up for our first physical session that I would introduce her to the subtle art of spanking. First I researched. You can't just hit the bottom and hope for the best. The more I studied, the more I realised that there is an art to spanking. There are literally hundreds of websites about spanking. Mostly (as you would expect) have photos showing the aftermath of a bloody good spanking. But I managed to find the chosen few that concentrated on how to spank, how to do it well, what with and how to ensure both sides get the most out of it. My real goal is to have P ask me, no, BEG me to be spanked. We have a long way to go before that happens and that would make her a pain slut, and would make me very, very happy. So in the meantime, it's all about one step (or spank) at a time.

Of course it all depends what kind of spanking you are giving. There is sexual spanking and punishment spanking. Punishment is exactly that. No warm up, no warnings. Can be inflicted with the hand to start off with before stepping up to implements such as paddles or a cane. This is meant to hurt, to punish, to make the submissive remember why they are being punished. The pain equates to the crime and ensures the brain remembers why the punishment is being given. The memory of the pain lingers long after the sore bum has recovered. Sexual spanking is a mixture of pleasure and pain. There are sweet spots or zones which you can concentrate on. The fleshier parts which seductively wobble in your face as you hit them. Starting off slowly by warming up the skin with your bare hand ensures the endorphins start to flow and the blood rushes to the sexual areas. Hence the certain state of arousal spanking gives the receiver. As the heat of the skin continues it becomes more sensitive. Once I obtain a rosy glow on the cheeks of P's arse, I usually start with something harder. I have an old, hard soled sandal which works very well. It provides a larger, flatter surface area and gives P a completely different set of pain sensations. With sexual spanking, I alternate spanks with pleasure. I caress and rub her hot skin, causing her to moan and wiggle on my lap. Then I play with her pussy which is usually quite wet by this time. I normally smile to myself and start the process again. Spank, play, spank, play. I freely admit I can do this quite happily for hours. Latterly, I have a long, wooden ruler (which P bought me herself) to use which as it is narrower and longer, gives a new set of experiences for her and new marks. I always ensure that any marks are temporary and will fade although she is nearly always uncomfortable afterwards. Sometimes I also rub Arnica cream into the cheeks of her bum to help soothe. Even doing this arouses me.

Punishment spanking also excites me. Maybe I should be slightly shame faced but early on with our sessions, I told P that I wanted to spank her so hard that she cried. That is a secret desire. To know that I have that power. With punishments, I have brought tears to her eyes. And more importantly, I know where her limits are. But I desperately want to push those limits. In the back of my mind, I toy with the idea of forbidding her use of the safe word, especially when punishing. It's my right, but it's a right I have yet to take. I suppose I'm scared that if I did that, the safety net would be removed and I could go too far. And I don't want to ruin what we have, such a beautiful, trusting relationship as D/s. But I harbour that desire to make her cry and yet beg for more, whether in punishment or sexual mode.

So primarily when I punish, I state why, how many and also show her what I am going to use. And it's normally straight in at the deep end so it does hurt and reinforces the difference between sexual and punishment. When it's sexual, quite often I have P laying over my lap which makes it even more intimate. She is face down, her sex available to me and her bare arse there for my using. I know inside she loves it, but doesn't know how far she wants to take it. And is hesitant to ask me, yet. I would love her to become a pain slut. Love her to beg me on her knees to spank her, play with her, use her. Inside her mind, I know she is harbouring those thoughts, they haven't quite reached the surface yet. The desire isn't strong enough. But one day, the desire will become too strong. And I suppose in a way, that is my way of moulding her into what I want her to be. If I am ever lucky enough to have a male sub, I would do exactly the same thing. I can't imagine many other things more rewarding than having a man beg me to spank him. But that will probably remain very much a fantasy, for now. In reality, I have P to help me along with my secret desires. And when her day comes, when she begs me, I will be a very, very happy Domme...

To Whom It May Concern....

2009-12-15T19:39:00.003Z

Now I don't know how many people actually read my blog. I know I have three 'official' followers here, one of which is P. But whether anyone else reads it, I don't know! However that doesn't stop me from blogging. I do it not just as a way for me to express my life and my emotions on this particular journey, but hopefully as a conduit to help anyone else on a similar path.

P once said several months ago when we were at the early stages, that I bet I didn't think my sub would be a female. To be honest, it wasn't something I had particularly thought about. I suppose that as a predominantly heterosexual woman, it would be natural for my sub to be of the opposite sex. But I never closed the door to my sub being female either. A submissive for me could be of either sex whether physically or online. I know my blogs probably don't appeal to guys, apart from may be fantasising about two women! But that doesn't stop me.

I would love to have a male submissive at some point. Whether that will happen or not is another matter. I don't mix in BDSM circles, go to munches etc. In reality there is only me and P. We have a mutual online friend who is also a female sub. Her insight and experiences have been a great help to P over the last months. Given her an outlet of her own with someone who understands her. In return she is able to read my blog and gain a greater understanding of what goes on in my psyche.

I have a male friend who was rather surprised when I first sent him the link to my blog. We live on either side of the country so only really converse by emails and phone calls but have been doing this for several years. We hadn't spoken for a few months so when we did catch up and he asked me 'what have I been up to?' I sent him the link to this. That opened up a whole new conversation! And I'm sure when he reads this, he will recognise himself if I call him my Viking hero. He has been fascinated and kept up with things from a distance. I'm sure it has conjured up all sorts of things in his head and made him realise that there are aspects of my personality he never knew at all. And I would love to share it with him. I would like to think he could be a lovely sub but I know he would probably be a Dom instead. Shame!

Some of the things I do with P are easy to cross over with either sex. The mental domination and mental control is something that can be achieved in reality as well as online. Of course with any online relationship, there has to be absolute trust in each other. Other aspects can only be achieved 'in the flesh' so to speak such as punishment, pleasure and all points in between. But writing and reading about them here can ignite the fires within any of my readers if they think that it could happen with them and their partner whoever their partner is. If it arouses you when you read it, then it doesn't matter if it happens here between two females. It can happen with a man and a woman or two guys.

So to whom it may concern is to anyone who reads my blog: whether you are male, female, straight, gay or whatever preference you want to be. I hope you may get a kick out of it, use it for inspiration, maybe help to answer a problem or you can just enjoy it as some illicit night time reading! I am always happy to hear from anyone who wants to contact me about anything I write here. But most of all, I hope that my Viking hero gets the biggest kick of all!!!

Maintaining the bond

2009-12-14T21:10:00.004Z

Absence is always the hardest part of any relationship and between a D/s it is vital to maintain the link and strengthen the bond. I strived to attain this by holding weekly e-sessions. We don't have web cams so we do them via chat. Of course there is a huge element of trust on both sides, more so in P's case. I have to trust that she does as I instruct. And I do. There is no lack of intensity with our e-sessions. Friday nights became our e-session nights, real life permitting. And in the main, most Friday nights are our own special nights. As P's training progressed, I used the sessions as an opportunity for her to 'show' me exactly how she did her training. I could then control that training, even from my distance. It would be another month before P and I could be together again physically. Another thing we strove to maintain, seeing each other on a regular basis. But in between, the e-sessions were vital to keep the momentum going.

It always surprises me even now, that the e-sessions have such a deep effect on both of us. For me they are arousing as well as enabling me to take on my alter ego. I quite literally change in the way I type and what I type. Just as P says that I am totally different inside the chamber to outside when we are just as friends. For P, she feels as if I am in the room with her, watching over her every move. That I know her every thought and can anticipate her desires. I still punish her for any indiscretions, of course I save up the physical punishments for when we are together. But I can instill a sense of humiliation and contemplation of her errors quite easily. I often treat her as an errant child and get her to stand in the corner of her room, like a naughty spot. Helps to concentrate her mind perfectly. Another is the writing of lines. Always 100 of them in perfect handwriting with no mistakes. I have set this punishment twice already. It is very effective.

Here is an excerpt of her late September diary about an e-session:

"Diary – Thursday 24th September 2009

Another week has passed and tomorrow we’ll be together again. Our e-session was intense. I was nervous beforehand, just as with any physical session. I moved upstairs and set my room up, with the towels and bag, plus laptop. Waiting for you to arrive, I was excited. The thought that you were visiting me and doing the session in my room. I know you’d love the mirrors and how you could use them.

Following your instructions as if I was in the Chamber with you was exciting and felt surprisingly natural. Reading you my list continues to show me how often I get it wrong and how much I have to learn. Sometimes I just can’t help myself though. I’m sorry again about the confusion with the diary deadline. Standing in the corner was humiliating but I felt you watching me. It was arousing as well, being naked there, even though I was kicking myself for the mistakes and failings as your hussy.

You wanting to see my training surprised me, even though it made sense. I have to be aroused to be able to train and the idea that you were there for it, started it so well. Fingers felt so good, touching and stroking. To then put on the glove and start to stroke and tease was even better. Lubing the ring before sliding so easily inside, feeling the pulsing you love so much. I do curse my short arms and fingers sometimes, especially when training. First one finger then the second I wished they were yours inside me. I was getting even more aroused and was ready for more. I lubed up the plug, teased my ring with it, before starting to slowly thrust it in. You took over the movements of it and I followed the descriptions of what you were doing to me. It felt almost as good as you doing it in person, knowing you were controlling the action, even remotely.

Normally I’d follow some plug action with bullet time and get the relief I was desperate for after all that arousal. I asked to cum when I shouldn’t have done, well certainly not in the way I did. You didn’t allow it after my misdemeanours. It was very hard to just remove the plug and end the session. There was a momentary temptation to get some relief afterwards, but the thought was fleeting, you had refused it and I assumed the embargo was still in place.

I hoped that the session would have had an effect on you and that you had enjoyed it too. You confirming this the next day was a delight and relief. Thank you for removing the embargo for a few days. I’ve had two excellent sessions this week, thinking of your actions on Monday and reading my books, thinking of how far you’ve brought me since buying them in May and how much more I understand anal now. I fully understand the training recommendation side of it all now."

The End of Summer

2009-12-11T21:14:00.005Z

P came to stay on and off with me over the summer for about 3 weeks. We spent a lot of time together as friends and also exploring our bisexual relationship. That is a completely separate issue which I won't elaborate on the blog as it is about us being equals and developing a loving relationship without domination on either side. However, in the Chamber we would have one last summer fling before P left me again and it would be another month until we met again. Her diaries are always the best instrument to portray our sessions and so I leave it to her to elaborate once again...

"Diary – Friday 4th September 2009

It has been five days now since I left you and a week since our last session, already it feels so far away as do you from me. I know that 4 weeks today I will return to you but after spending half the summer with you, it has been harder than I realised or wanted to admit to myself. I miss being in your presence so much. This is a hard diary to write and I don’t really know why. Maybe I’m trying to distance myself to make being apart easier or shutting myself away.

You instructed me to be alluring and I hope the baby-doll with my best dress worked for that, it gives shape and cleavage without emphasising the areas I’m ashamed of. I was calm so quickly once I was kneeling before you, as on Sunday. You were so complimentary of my appearance. My dress was soon removed and you paid attention to my breasts, both in and out of my underwear. I’m still amazed by the sensations that you draw from them. Having me strip I was bent over and examined, this never ceases to arouse and excite me, as you inspect your property and ensure that I have followed your instructions properly. You treated me as you wanted to, your play toy, flogging my bottom, back, breasts and pussy, sensitising them deliciously to your touch. Standing behind me, pressed against my bottom, I could easily imagine being taken by you, in any way you wanted to, and treasuring every moment of it.

With my arms raised you started to play with my breasts again, flogging, stroking and striking. Then you bound them my breasts with tape, isolating them from my body, sensitising them further. You laid me on the bed, secured my wrists, blind-folded me and spread my legs. I was laid bare for your pleasure and play. You talked about me being on display and raised the subject of others seeing me like that, this excited me, I admit. You’ve mentioned sharing me or showing me off before, while it scares me it excites my sub soul that you could be proud of your sub and want to show her off.

You used toys to tease and play with me. The new anal teasing kit was wonderful, the long narrow probe sends the sensations deep without stretching me on, a curious combination. The noduled one was incredibly exciting on my clit, which was already sensitive from the pussy flogging and stroking. The final one you used actually in my anus was very arousing, especially having never had a vibrator actually inside me like that before. You expressed surprise at the size of my pink vibrator, I don’t use it internally very often, but you had told me to train my pussy as well as my anal, so I had been using it more often than I used to. I know I was wet and highly excited by your actions as it slipped in so easily, I know you said you lubed it but it was a very easy entry. Using it the way you did, you were hitting my g spot in a way I just can’t with it and it was incredible.

On my knees you focused on me with the plugs and toys. I felt so open to your touch and everything glided so deliciously smoothly in. I was in heaven, desperate for more of your attention, feeling so alive. I was ready for anything you wanted to do to me. You thrusting toys into me again brought thoughts of you taking even more ownership of my body, exciting me further. You tried the largest plug on me and I’m sorry I was unable to fully take it. I have progressed so far, I never expected to even be able to try that size any way near this soon. You said that I had over two thirds of it, perhaps by the end of the year I will be able to succeed. You’ve instructed me to train with the medium sized plug in future, which I will of course with great delight and a fully feeling than the small affords me. Although you didn’t realise, my shaking started when you returned me to my back. You are so good to be allowing me to cum in so many sessions, I am truly honoured.

The shaking shocked me as much as you this time. You had pulled so many sensations from me and every moment of it was amazing. It took a long time to come down from. There is no way I can fully pay honour to you for all you do for this unworthy sub. You make me feel as I never have before."

Fantasies

2009-12-11T20:26:00.003Z

P and I had developed a fantasy concerning P dressing up as a school girl. This was a reflection of her real life job. Both of us got more and more aroused as time went on. P collected the items of clothing she needed for her school uniform and even just the act of doing this aroused her beyond reason. In August we got the chance to finally enact our fantasy for the first time. This is P's reaction afterwards...

"Diary – Monday 24th August 2009

Yesterday we were reunited in your Chamber and it was wonderful. You had spent our previous couple of sessions reclaiming me, body and mind and now we are back. I was excited but nervous as I dressed in my uniform. Nervous because I had no idea how this session might run, but a good nervous. I knew you had cut your nails short, which led me to wonder whether you planned some pussy play this time. The toy bag was fully stocked and ready as instructed and I hadn’t touched myself since my period had started on the previous Sunday.

You were waiting for me with your back to me, wearing your delightfully short spotted dress. I’m a little concerned that when we start this way I do not always have the opportunity to kiss your hand and do not want to break one of your core rules, but of course it is always your right to change any of these. I settled into peace much faster this time waiting for you, I don’t think anything was particularly different but I know I was calmer sooner. I do love to be inspected by you, whether dressed or undressed, I find it exciting, just as it is preparing an outfit to your requirements. I made the mistake of looking at you without permission, for which I apologise again, it was a silly mistake to make. You had me remove a layer at a time, checking that I had followed every detail correctly. This was very arousing, being under your stern close scrutiny, and knowing my clothing had met your approval.

I admitted my indiscretions and received my punishment for them. Thank you for being so lenient on me. Being reduced to just my socks and standing wide-legged and bent forward knowing you were looking at me so intimately was so exciting. With my legs very wide like that I am able to maintain the position for a good length of time. You spent a long time just looking at me before inspection then spanking and flogging me, simply because I am yours and you can treat me as you wish. You know that this excites me and started to touch my pussy between series of strikes, sensitizing me as you played and stroked me. I do not know where my pain limit is but was willing to beg you for more. You know I hate to beg but I did it, I long to please you so much.

I know I can never ask for anything specific of a session but you fulfilled so many of the elements I mentioned to you earlier in the week. Restraint was certainly a major one for me, it means so much to me to be physically helpless before you, as well as mentally. Not being able to speak at all was incredibly difficult for me, I know the Chamber is not the place to chat, but the ban was so hard. Thank you for using the tape, it was incredible. The emphasis I felt my breasts had, even before you touched them, was extreme. Then to be blind-folded as well heightened my other senses. My breasts were held up and presented for your attention and you drew such intense feelings from them. You stroked, flogged, pinched them and my whole body was reduced to them. I could see nothing but imagined they were rosy with pert deep pink nipples.

Whipping my pussy was something new and I couldn’t believe how sensitive my skin became after the stroking and whipping. I felt so much more when you started to play with it. I felt very aroused and sounded very wet. The vibrator was fantastic and excited me no end. The small anal vibrator probe was delicately arousing, it transmitted light sensations inside me without me feeling stretched, which was curiously delightful. You denied me an orgasm, as is your will. I am your toy to play with, however you wish, and I love you doing so. Being permitted to worship your breasts was as always an arousing honour, even though it is not for my pleasure. My sub soul was singing with joy.

Anal play while on my back felt very different, exciting in a new way. Your use of the toys feels so much easier since my training. They slide in and out so smoothly feeling just incredible. I just love your focus on my anus, it was never a part of my body to get or even want any attention. It was curious the changes in the position of my legs made when combined with the thrusting. Then you talked about my wearing a butt plug all day, being reminded of you with every movement, this was an exciting concept. I know I can’t hold it in with my muscles alone, additional assistance will be necessary.

You held the plug inside me, rewarding me with the full feeling I’ve longed for, and started playing with my clit again. I held my lips apart for you to access me properly, loving the feeling when you played the vibrator over my clit. I’d been highly aroused for so long, the relief was immense. I had to beg for release and was delighted to, I was so desperate for it. Being driven higher and higher, you wound me up so much. I got so close and began to realise that it was becoming more and more that I would be able to cum. You found the perfect spot and kept playing with me. Then I tipped over the edge and started to convulse and you kept going. I have no idea how many times I came, it was the most intense I’ve ever known. I had to use my safe-word in the end as I just couldn’t take any more. I could feel my anal muscles contracting around the plug and it added to it all. Thank you so much for the experience. The whole session was intense and I felt so alive. You pull sensations from me I just never knew my body was capable of. The restraint and sensory deprivation heightened it all. You played with this hussy for your pleasure, using me the way you wanted to, delivering pain in perfect proportions to intensify the pleasure. I can’t truly describe how incredible it makes me feel and how fulfilling this is for me."

Reclaiming her...Part 2

2009-12-11T20:18:00.003Z

And now my side of the story.......

"Dear Hussy

I hesitate to try to put words to paper but feel compelled to, even if they don’t make sense. I admit to feeling nervous being back in the chamber and wondered whether I could still command your respect and submission. I know it’s what you want to do but if you have no confidence in me as your Lady, it won’t work. I had the plan in my head but also wanted things to flow naturally too. Above all I had an overwhelming urge to reclaim you. Eight weeks is a long time apart (not as long as some people have to endure) and I needed to exert my presence over you. I know I may have been rough but I hope it wasn’t unpleasant for you.

I felt your arousal at being so physically reclaimed especially when on the chair. That one word has been exciting you for days I’m sure. I wanted you to feel the pleasure and pain of your submission. Your suitable punishment for your list of indiscretions was suitable and swiftly dealt with. And I made sure you were completely absolved. I didn’t want to repeat that mistake again.

But before that I made sure I inspected you, bending you over not just to my will but physically. So you were on full display. With nothing to hide and nowhere to hide. Such a wondrous sight to behold. My shining hussy with her shining pussy. Then using the chair to impose my will on you. I know I may have been rough but I hope I wasn’t hurtful. I felt your arousal at my hand slaps, the way I made you tell me what I owned, the flogging of your breasts and nipples. As part of reclaiming you, I made you worship my feet which you are immensely good at. I couldn’t resist you worshipping other parts of me, as I flaunted my body at you. Showing my panties, making you honour my body. I wanted to use you...I wanted you to remember my scent, my skin, my power and my dominance over you. Finally I ended with some new anal exploration. Using my fingers to prime you first, before using the anal beads. I know it was affecting you and I wanted you to experience them to the full. Literally. So I was able to use you and for you to understand just what it meant.

Afterwards your tears were unexpected and yet expected. I hope I cared and soothed you enough. I was lost for words but hope I showed how much I care and love you. I hope it was just a release of all the pent up emotions and not as a result of my ministrations to you. This may not be a long expression of my feelings but I trust it shows you how deep they run and how important it is for me to reassert myself over you. And I will continue to do this until you look up at me from the floor with those lovely eyes of yours and I will know you want me to use you for my own pleasure.

Until then, I remain your Lady x"

Reclaiming her...

2009-12-11T20:01:00.005Z

First I apologise for my tardiness with regard to the blog. Real life has invaded my time over the last few months and prevented me from updating it as I have wanted to. However, I will now remedy that. I am still progressing with P, in fact things have moved on quite a lot. But I still want to share how we have got to where we are now. Back in July we met up for the first time in many, many weeks. There was a lot of catching up to do. Both our diaries reflected how we dealt with the flood of emotion when we were finally reunited in my Chamber. P's side of things first...

"Diary – Monday 27th July 2009

We are finally together again and it has felt so long now. Arriving on Saturday and being in your arms again felt like I had returned home. I missed you more than I can express in words. Yesterday’s session was so special to me, while all of them are this meant more after the extended absence. I was actually ready early for once and was flicking through my ‘Bottom’ book, finding the ‘preparing yourself for a session’ passages. They helped to calm me and get back to the frame of mind. They reminded me that it’s normal to feel pent-up and nervous before and that this was a good thing. To finally knock on the door and kneel before you was wonderful. My heart was racing and I hardly dared glance around the Chamber. The room smelled wonderful and as I knelt I could see your beautiful legs and feet again.

I know I have problems speaking to you in the Chamber, I just get so tongue-tied in your presence. Despite this it is where I long to be. Oh when you first touched me just to stroke my face I could hardly breathe I was so happy. To be examined and inspected, to hope I pleased you. I couldn’t resist the frilly panties. I could have kicked myself for not presenting my list to you properly, I’ve no idea what I was thinking of then. My punishment was justly deserved and thank you for absolving me after it. Yes it was arousing though, even if you were unable to see the evidence for yourself, you know your hussy too well.

Bent over being inspected by you was humiliating but so exciting. Knowing there was absolutely no hiding from you, that I was completely exposed to your gaze. No-one has looked at me the way you do and it is incredibly arousing. You are inspecting your property as is your right and only you can, reclaiming my body part by part. The new little razor is excellent for the more awkward little spots, if I realise that there is hair to remove there. You appear to enjoy my pony-tail and the potential it offers you for control. Unless you require it otherwise, I’ll continue to present my hair like this. It did feel uncomfortable at times when you were, but nothing to consider using my safe-word for.

Sitting on the chair was exciting. You’ve hinted at your possible plans for using a chair and I really enjoyed it. Sitting with my back so straight presenting my breasts for your pleasure and use, which you did so delightfully. It was delicious pain/pleasure you created for them, clamping and flogging them. I do love the attention you pay to them. It makes me feel so alive and amazed that I feel so much, no matter how many times you do it.

The opportunity to be allowed to worship you was overwhelming. I adore the sight of my Lady but never expect to deserve to gaze upon you, which I why I wasn’t able to all the time. Worshiping your beautiful feet aroused me no end, then to have the honour of kissing your bum, so gloriously presented in those lacy panties, was incredible. Such smooth firm flesh waiting to be honoured and pleasured. I know it was not for my pleasure but it did bring it, I can only hope you enjoyed it too.

Then you reclaimed my anus. I can’t describe how happy I was or how good it felt to have your fingers inside of me again, reclaiming the virginity that was all yours last time. It felt like they slide in so easily, like they belong within me. It took a few moments for me to realise what you were then using on me. You asked why I was afraid when you took some of the anal toys from our toy box, it is only the fear and nerves of the unknown. I know that I am completely safe in your hands, I trust you absolutely. I always have a small fear of the unknown though but I’ve learnt to try and not let it stop me. The beads felt a little odd at first, so different from a plug, with the constantly changing size, but you knew how to bring pleasure with them and you did. I am so lucky to have a Lady who is experienced like this. I never expected to be able to take the whole string the first time and while I was loving the fuller deeper feeling, hadn’t realised I almost had. That final bead was intoxicating and a feeling of triumph when you told me. I’m starting to understand how a woman could orgasm from anal play. There were just so many sensations and so much to enjoy, it was all I could do to control my breathing and stay up. I have long said that I am yours to use and you did, I was just a toy to play with, the effect on me was immense.

I started to shake while I was having a drink, I have no idea why. I wasn’t cold or in pain or even discomfort, the experience had been incredible. When you started to comfort me, the tears surprised me as much as they did you. They were not caused by pain. I think it was the separation, the happiness of being back in your Chamber again and the intensity of the session. You were so calming, so soothing, it was just hard to stop. You are always so caring at the end and I feel cherished. I always know that I belong to you but after yesterday I feel it more keenly than ever. I know you will never move at a faster pace than you feel I am ready for, this is part of why I trust you so absolutely as my glorious generous Lady."

Preparation

2009-09-25T17:47:00.007+01:00

I know how I want P to prepare, how I want her to look, how I want her to act, how I want her to be. I have slowly started to mould her into how I want my hussy to be. Everything from hair, clothes and makeup to personal bodily appearance. And not just physically, but mentally too. How she sees me, how she must act with me, what she says, how she says it. What she thinks about me, how often, in what way. To be mentally and physically prepared. But how does her Domme prepare?

I suppose I prepare in much the same way. But some of them are for different reasons. One of my first priorities is safety. I ensure all my equipment is clean. It is P’s responsibility to clean the toys after each session. But I always check the toys that remain with me. Next are my finger nails. I trim these prior to each session, ensuring they are short and smooth. Sadly this often means cutting off my long, luscious nails that have been growing for 3 – 4 weeks. But I can’t take any risk when playing intimately with P. I use gloves for anal play and it doesn’t detract from the feelings we both get. But I ensure no cross contamination. Losing the nails isn’t such a bad thing; it means I can type properly at work!

As P does, I ensure my body is scrubbed, moisturised and shaved. I shaved my pussy before doing it to P, and I believe that if I expect her to be this way, then so should I. I now much prefer the clean, nude appearance. I always choose an outfit to suit my mood. Sometimes sensual and teasing, others strict and stern. It all depends on how I have planned the session. My dress immediately sets the tone. Of course whatever I wear, P is always excited and aroused when she sees me. But I take pride in my appearance and as her Domme; I need to set the example. One of course, a hussy can never hope to emulate….

As well as appearance, I choose how to greet P. Sometimes I sit on the bed, legs seductively crossed with my usual feather fan held up to my face. This obscures my top half. Sometimes I stand with my back to her so she is left under no illusion of who is dominant. I tower over her as she kneels behind me.

I make sure the chamber is set up. Towels etc in place, toys ready to hand. I place things on view. It tends to give P a sense of peace, along with kneeling at my feet. I also set the room up how I want it for play. Mirrors in the right spot, a chair or stool, or whatever I want to engage P with for the duration. I always try to make the session run as smoothly and seamlessly possible.

Mentally I tune into my Domme side a couple of days beforehand. Mainly by giving P specific instructions but also planning for the session. Sometimes I talk to P about them (but never reveal too much!). I also read as it helps to clear and focus the mind into Domme space. As much as there is sub space, I believe there is Domme space. Once in Domme space, nothing else matters except you and your sub. Time can stand still, the world outside fades away, and all there is in your existence is the two of you and what you can do to them. The highs are enormous. The drop can be even more so. With each session I have learned to handle the drop and remain comforted with the session memories and emotions.

Part of those memories is smell. I always scent my body and hence the room gets scented too. P had commented on it in her diaries. Helps to calm. I have a scent I only really use in the chamber so it differentiates between me and Her. And I can recall the scent in a second and with it come the memories. So clear and real as if we were doing it all over again. And just as important, are P’s scents. She uses a perfume which I associate with the chamber. Then there is the scent of her body, her arousal and sex. I make her taste herself; let her know who is in control of her body.

All these things help to build the tension between us. Tension, arousal and anticipation. P has a fear of the unknown. Stepping into my chamber is like stepping off a cliff. She has no idea what will happen. I have the plan in my head, but allow for things to flow freely of their own accord too. And that is an element of surprise in itself. Sometimes my own actions take me unawares. But it is the preparation that enhances the whole session. Yes you can do things ad-hoc, take the chance when the mood takes you. But preparing for a session is the hottest thing in the world…

Separation

2009-09-19T22:25:00.005+01:00

Eight weeks. A long time by anyones watch, clock or calendar. When P left at the end of May, it would be eight weeks before I saw her again. Real life, as always, has to come first. So real life prevented us from seeing each other for that period. We both shed tears when P drove home. The parting was particularly painful for both of us. But at least we had jobs and lives that could help us to get through those long weeks apart. But we also had to maintain the momentum from our time together. So I arranged for P to have a set of training instructions during our absence.

My instructions related to pussy and anal training. Even though I wouldn't be doing it myself, I knew that P would always be thinking of my voice, my words, my commands whenever she did her training. Pussy training centred on using her favourite vibrator to help stretch and relax her muscles. As P had not explored her pussy for a long time, it was tight and I had so far been unable to play with her as much as I wished to. I wanted to explore and bring her new sensations which I could use as part of orgasm denial. Her magical G-spot being one of the things I wanted to know intimately. Her vibrator was a good size, one which would stretch and fill her to my requirements. So this was one of her instructions.

Second was anal training. Now I had broken her anal virginity, I wanted to maintain it. We had read the anal sex books that P had bought and discovered interesting articles on anal training linked to BDSM. We agreed this was the best way forward for P. Initially, P was to explore her anus with her fingers. P had already tried this tentatively before visiting in May with a soapy fingertip when she showered. She was now commanded to do this daily if possible. And to use more than a fingertip. She also needed to explore herself in bed on a daily basis. I wanted her to progress from one finger to two and hopefully, to insert the smallest butt plug in her collection.

P was to update me on her progress on a regular basis through diaries and through our nightly online chats. Due to periods etc, I knew that P would not be able to perform her training every day. But with the length of time between our physical sessions, I knew there would be enough training days and nights for P to progress to a level that would be best for both of us.

Of course, little milestones were missed by me as her Lady during this time apart. The biggest milestone was when P was ready to use the smallest butt plug. It was about 3 or 4 weeks into her training schedule that P told me she had been successful in this deed. I expected to feel pride and elation. And yes I was happy for her. But I was also extremely sad and empty inside. Why? Because I hadn't been there to do it. Yes, I had been the one to take P's anal virginity. And because of that P always feels that her anus is my direct property to do with as I wish. May be even more so than any other part of her body. After taking that virginity, I had hoped that I would be the one to use a butt plug on her. But no, it was denied me. My emotions surrounding this simple act surprised me. I felt that something had been taken from me, that I had missed out. The emptiness of not being present to share in such a moment with my beloved sub was immense. Of course, I told her this and she was equally surprised by the sense of mourning and loss I described. Although she was naturally elated by her success, she was also sad that I had not been there to do it personally.

As I was mentally and emotionally stronger now, I moved past this sadness and turned a negative into a positive. I instructed P to continue to use the butt plug, and incorporate it with double entry using her vibrator or fingers. This would enable her to experiment with other positions in order for her to achieve this. Sometimes I would state whether she could obtain orgasm from this or not. P had also started to ask my permission to do this which also pleased me. P was learning well.

The other responsibility P had was to ensure she had all the clothes she needed for her school uniform. I had instructed the following: school skirt, white blouse, school tie, white cotton bra, white cotton panties, white socks and black sensible shoes. Her hair was to be worn in pigtails. P went to great lengths to ensure she obtained the correct items to my specifications. Her dedication was immense. The school tie was a real one from a local school. Her socks were her original ones from her school days. Her shopping days were spent perusing rails of school clothes that she could buy in her size. Shoes were newly purchased. And she knew exactly how I liked her hair to be worn. We both found this exciting and arousing. I aimed for P to have this outfit ready in time for her next visit at the end of July.

So despite our separation, we continued with our journey. We kept up the momentum and as the time drew nearer, we held more e-sessions where as well as giving P commands and orders, we shared mutual fantasies to keep up the excitement. School lessons was the main focus of our fantasies. When P did finally return, blouse hanging up in the back of her car, my stomach did somersaults.

Eight weeks. A long time. But we made it.

New Explorations Part 3

2009-09-11T22:05:00.003+01:00

I thought it would help to balance things a little if I posted some excerpts of P's diaries to me from our wonderful times back in May. Her diaries are always beautiful insights into what goes on in her pretty head...

"26.05.09:
I suspected that you were going to shave me in this session and it was going to be a very intimate and trusting thing to happen. While I’ve been able to trim myself, a complete shave wasn’t something I was going to be able to do alone. I can’t exactly explain why either. Having you do it though and lying so still while you focused on what you were doing was a very special moment, that I think brought us closer together. I trusted you completely to do it, possibly more than you did yourself, and being able to see you and the expression on your face made it more so. Part of it was you claiming further ownership on me, just like when you had me name the parts of my body that you own. In a small way it was also like a branding of my pussy to have you decide exactly how it was going to look. Seeing the final result in the mirror and knowing you did that was very very arousing, as was knowing you looked the same.

When you lay me down again and told me to close my eyes and trust you, I knew exactly what you were planning. I was trying so hard to relax and knew that would make it easier, thanks to my reading. It felt delightful as you smoothed the lube around, stroking me so carefully and I was more than ready for more. When you finally entered me, I can’t describe exactly how it felt, only that it seemed like I had been waiting an eternity and it was here at last. Another part of being owned by you, something that only you have done and it means so much to be that I could give that to you. When your whole finger was in and you wanted me to see it I was in heaven. The feelings were so different to anything else I’ve known. I know that I’m very tight and that it may take a while to progress but we now have a plan. We both want this very much and I’m going to try to so all that you ask of me to move it along. I didn’t want to do much beforehand as it didn’t seem right, that was your right to be first and I wanted the feelings to be made by you.

The whole session was a very intimate and special experience, very different from before, but I feel more like I belong to you than ever now and can never truly explain how important that is to me. It was arousing and erotic too but that was not the emphasis for me, ownership and bonding was."

"31.05.09:
I knew that you were going to finish shaving me. Kneeling on all fours and feeling you touching me again, knowing you were looking at my anus, felt even more intimate than Monday. I know exactly what the books mean about it all now, it is so much more intimate than before. It was more arousing in some ways as the head of the razor would brush my anus from time to time. I trusted you completely to do it.

I love watching you put on the pink glove and lubing it up, knowing exactly where it will be going next. I know I’ll relax faster and more easily with practice but it felt easier this time compared to Monday. Feeling your finger inside me again was so good so arousing, sliding gently in and out, no pain no discomfort. When you added the second one, even better, I felt very full but not in a bad way, just another new sensation. Moving in and out, sliding through my tight muscles, so arousing. Out even more than in, which was a surprise but I can understand why the beads might be very interesting now.

I can only thank you for starting my anal experiences so wonderfully. I know we have a plan in place so that we can move forward in our next session, and I will be more stretched and be able to go for longer than 15 minutes. I know you are concerned about losing the momentum between our sessions and it will take me a little time to get used to doing it. I’m going to have to start in the shower until I have gloves and lube myself, and it will take me a little time to do it for myself as well, the nerves will hit again no doubt, until I remember how good you made me feel...Even now I can say, no ill effects, no discomfort, nothing adverse at all. Other than missing you terribly and wanting to jump straight back in the car again."

New Explorations Part 2

2009-09-09T20:36:00.006+01:00

I used the shaving of P to be the starting to point to anal play. P would have suspected I was leading up to this with our conversations prior to our meetings in May, and also the books that P had bought. But now the moment had come for me to take the final step and claim her anal virginity. She was on her back on the bed with her legs bent up. I put on my pink latex glove and smoothed our favourite lube over a finger. I rubbed the lube around her anus and caressed her gently, reassuring her. Then I entered her with one finger slowly. P wasn't bound or gagged. I wanted her first time to be an enjoyable experience with freedom to express herself. P's moans and groans told me all I needed to know. But this was my moment as much as hers. Her one virginity I could take, completely and utterly mine. No one elses. Mine to take. I felt her tightness, her heat, her pulsing rectum around my finger. And it felt sweet.

Once I had my finger fully inserted up to the knuckle, I held it there for a while so P could get used to it. I stroked inside her, teasing her sensitive lining. Causing her a new range of feelings and sensations. Allowing her a tantalising glimpse of the beauty of anal play. Then I began to thrust it gently and evenly. In and out. Keeping up an even pace. Nothing to frighten, nothing to hurt, only to arouse and gauge P's reactions. Everything that she had read, everything that she had devoured about anal play could not have prepared her for how it really felt. Add to that the fact it was her Lady doing it, only sealed my domination over her. I totally owned her now, mind body and soul.

Obviously P was tight so I didn't overdo the anal play. A few minutes was all I needed to claim P in every sense. I had explored every part of her in our few sessions since March. But this was only the beginning. Later that night we read some of her books together. Those books helped us to talk to each other about anal play. I was able to instruct her on what kind of training I wanted her to do in our long absence when she finally left me. It would be 8 weeks until we would meet again at the end of July. 8 long weeks when the momentum could be lost. One of the books had a very informative passage about anal and BDSM. But those weeks would also give P time to explore herself and become accustomed to anal play. Of course it wasn't the same thing as being there and doing it myself. But I was conscious that our long absences could damage the progress we had made. Her training would be for pussy and anus, ensuring I kept mental control of both. Ensuring that P was fully prepared for our next meeting, and others afterwards. Even if we were miles apart, I would send her emails that she had to comply with, and her weekly diaries would inform me of her progress. Online chats became e-sessions where I could control and instruct her as well as share mutual fantasises. And the one thing that bound us both was trust. I trusted her to do as I told her, and when we were online together, she followed all my instructions.

I'm sure for many experiences D's, this is all child's play. But for us, it was the start of a new and exciting path together.

New Explorations Part 1

2009-09-08T19:40:00.007+01:00

Our sessions in May were the start of something new. When I had first discussed with P what her hard and soft boundaries were, anal play had been somewhere between the two. It wasn't something she was interested in. Now as her Domme, I could still have inflicted it upon her as punishment. However, if P had such strong, negative feelings about it, I believed that there would be little gained from trying to force the issue. As it was P didn't have specifically strong or negative issues. If anything, P was indifferent to it. She hadn't thought about it for her own (or anyone elses) pleasure. She had explored it briefly with an ex b/f but the experience hadn't been enjoyable. As it was, it was P herself who came round to the idea.

Since we had started on our journey together, I had encouraged P to read, read and read up on BDSM and all its connotations. Not just facts like how to do something, what to do if or what should I do but to read up on personal experiences. The more P read, the more her boundaries began to change. She wanted to serve, to please, to submit completely. She wanted to experience the conflict of pleasure from pain, punishment, compliance, humility, servitude, joy and complete abandonment. And it was this path, that led P to opening her mind to anal play. She showed me a particular fiction story about anal play which struck a chord with her. A chord that resonated and sang to her.

I encouraged this chord to sing louder. I suggested to P that she should buy some books on certain things and one of them was anal play. Once P read the book, her interest in anal play went up several levels. We started to talk about it more openly and P expressed her wish that she wanted to explore anal play. She had read how anal play was seen as the ultimate submission by many subs and wanted me to be the one to take her anal 'virginity'. This excited me so much. To be given the opportunity to do this, and also for P to be so willing, wanting and accepting.

When P visited in May, I had plans for this to be the first time I would make this a part of our sessions. Shaving her pussy, branding her to my liking, making her mine was all part of the increased intimacy between us. Enhancing the bonding process. And it would be a natural progression to introducing anal play. I knew that P was excited about it happening, she just didn't know when. And I like to keep things unexpected, retain the element of surprise. To make each session memorable in some way. I was just as excited. For P to give me this ultimate act of submission was thrilling but I also had a sense of pride in being the one to introduce her to anal play. And that she trusted me to be the one to do it. P trusted me not just because she did, she also knew I had previous experience with anal play. That experience was part of her trust in me. Even so, it was another responsibility for me as her Domme.

Was I scared? Yes. Did it stop me? No.

Moving Forward

2009-09-07T20:41:00.005+01:00

Now that my mind and soul were settled, I no longer suffered anxieties in the run up to P's next visit at the end of May. P stayed with me for a few days, so I was able to plan more than one session and maintain momentum. I had discussed with P my wish that her pussy be shaved nude. I also wanted to be the one to do it. As part of our continuity. P had trimmed herself neatly but struggled to go further. Mentally it was an issue as she had never done it before. So I decided that I would do it first. It enabled me to learn how I would perform the same act upon her. I now ensure that I am nude and shaved. I love it and embrace it. Knowing that in this small way we were one and the same.

The interim period we were apart I had instructed P to gather together a specific 'costume' as part of a shared fantasy. P had been buying the items to construct her own school uniform. I would be her 'headmistress' who 'trained' pupils to be hussies. It's something that works for us, especially for P as it is the ultimate exchange of power and responsibility and marries quite well with her day job. By the time she arrived in May, P had most of the outfit, though the completed costume would materialise later in the summer. But school skirt and white blouse with her long hair in pigtails was more than enough to start with! P also brought some new toys that I had asked her to purchase.

I had started to stand with my back to her when P first entered the room. It gave me a sense of strength from the beginning, with P kneeling behind me. I could see her reflection in the mirror and know what effect I was having upon her. The power I felt rippling through me was immense. The adrenalin all consuming. I made her kiss my shoes, show me her devotion. So arousing. I instructed P to tell me what I owned, what parts of her body. P hesitated at first as she was unused to speaking this out loud. I made her name each part from her head to her toes and all points in between. Again, I felt an overwhelming sense of power envelope me. When it does, the arousal levels increase and I can feel myself get so wet. Afterwards, I made P strip off her skirt and blouse. Then I ordered her to show me the new toys from the toy box. This she did happily. May be to her disappointment, I ordered her to put them away again. Then I made P remove the rest of her lingerie until she was naked. I made her stand in front of the mirror as part of accepting her body which she had become mentally detached from. Although she still felt uncomfortable being forced to see herself, each time she does so is a little longer.

Then I commenced with the intimate act of shaving her pussy. P suspected that I would do this and of course seeing the paraphernalia laid out with a bowl of water confirmed those suspicions. I was nervous. I didn't want to hurt her, cut her. I asked if she trusted me, P said she did with all her heart. As P was trimmed, the task was made easier. However, I didn't want to rush it either. I wanted to ensure it was to my requirements. But I wanted it to be part of the whole bonding experience. To mentally and physically bond P to me as my sub. That P would never allow anyone else to do this and apart from herself, no one else would touch her pussy again.

The slow strokes of the razor, the foam that caressed her skin, the warmth of the water - it all added to the atmosphere between us. I don't remember how long it took for me to shave her, it doesn't matter. When it was done, I bade P to stand so she could see herself in the mirror. The look on her face was priceless. Her eyes shone and a small smile flickered across her face. When she turned to look at me, I saw only devotion and submissiveness in P's eyes. And pride. In a way I had marked her. I instructed P that she was to maintain this from now on. And as we were also moving forward into the realms of anal play, I would also want her to be shaved there too. (I shall blog more on this; our discussions and how P switched from seeing anal as a 'red' zone, to one she desired.)

The rest of the session was my continued claiming of her body in the way I desired, using and bending her to my will. Teaching P that she is there for my pleasure, anything she gains from it is incidental. Any orgasm is at my discretion. Training, claiming and ownership. Now she knew how I wanted her most intimate parts of her body to look, P knew how much control I was exerting upon her. Not just physically but mentally. And her diaries reflected just how much I was inside her head. It made me smile with triumph. We were indeed moving forward.

Meltdown

2009-08-18T19:56:00.004+01:00

After the highs of session, come the incredible lows. I had read all about Domme drop but experiencing it is something else. Whenever P left me, I was overcome with emotion. The first parting was akin to having an arm ripped from me. The crash would take a couple of days to work through before I would emerge from the other side. I relied on Jay a lot in those dark days when I wrestled with my conscience. Then when P left after staying with me for Easter, I hit rock bottom. It took a few days for me to slide down to it, but when I got there, I went into meltdown. And I wrote to P...

"I’ve been thinking this last week about what we’ve started and where we’re going. I know that I always think too much and analysis but I can’t seem to shake off certain feelings. Sometimes I feel so incredibly guilty over what I do to you and can’t seem to reconcile myself with it. This side of me is sometimes too strong to handle, and very overwhelming. I was hoping it would settle down once we’d had a couple of sessions but it hasn’t. How I felt last Sunday scared me, I was an emotional wreck and I lost it big time. I am having great difficulty reconciling myself to being dominant and I don’t feel comfortable or confident in the role. I know that as we e-chat, talking to each other face to face is problematic, but I really can’t seem to find any words to say. My mouth goes dry; I shake and feel ashamed of everything. Unless I can accept and understand this part of me and find peace and happiness there, I will just continue to beat myself up over this and make myself even more upset than I already am. I know this will upset you as you are so very sure and certain of your true self. And I am so so sorry for that. But I am not so sure or certain. You can reply without hesitation that you know it was the right thing for you and it makes you so happy. I can’t say that. I always hesitate and have doubts, fears and anxieties. If I feel like this now, then I don’t think I will ever change.

I really don’t know who I am anymore or what I am. I think I need to take a step back and think things through. I need to know if this is the right decision for me or not. I don’t know how long this will take or what the outcome will be. I know this will upset you and I truly don’t know what else to say other than I am so so sorry and feel so ashamed and guilty at having shown you a glimpse of happiness, only to take it away from you. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me and I don’t seek it from you. You may not even understand why. All I do ask is that you don’t hate me."

I sent the email and didn't expect to hear from P again. However, as she often tells me, it only proved to me how stubborn she is, as well as how much of a friend she is too. Her reply was short and succinct until we were able to chat later:

"I knew something was wrong...You know I'd never knowingly hurt you and the fact that you have been hurt upsets me more than any decisions you might make. We don't have to talk every night and if you need space then that is not a problem. Yes I enjoy our chats but your happiness is more important. You are very special to me, even more so than She is, and having your friendship in my life makes me happier than anything. I want you to be happy, relaxed and comfortable around me otherwise you won't want to spend time with me, and I'll do anything I can to help with that. If it means giving up my Lady, then I will do that too, you are a very special person. Perhaps a line was crossed last week but I'm not going to regret it. Life is just too short for regrets, you told me that."

So there I was at rock bottom. I could either throw it all away or drag myself up by my boots and accept myself. And that's when I began my slow turnaround. It took me the remaining few weeks until P returned to me to go through the process of acceptance and be fully prepared for our next sessions. After all the turmoil, I can honestly say the journey has been hard, but worth it. For now I am reconciled to my inner self, fully embracing of it and all it entails. And I know that P is even more happy that I am finally happy too.

My own Easter thoughts

2009-08-18T19:42:00.003+01:00

As I always want both sides of the story to be told, here are some of my own thoughts on Easter which I sent to P. I was still going through emotional turmoil at this time and some of my diaries to P reflected those insecurities:

"So lovely to have you back with us again. 4 weeks. Sometimes it’s almost surreal, the journey, the friendship, everything. I have also been very emotional this weekend... All these weeks of anticipation, fretting, nerves. All I know is that when we are together... I feel complete inside. I hope She is still what you hoped for, what you want in a D. I find little aspects of her creeping through in quiet moments between us. But I don’t want Her to become me. It’s always surreal when we leave the room and go back into the living room that everything switches back to normal. Shopping in Sin Sins was very fulfilling. I think you can see why I love the shop so much. I hope it gave you a few ideas! But I also hope it didn’t scare you too much, but to be honest, some of the stuff there isn’t to my liking either. It’s all about personal taste and preferences. Sunday – I have too many emotions still inside me. I fear that I may have overstepped the mark. I have set boundaries for a reason, to keep Her separate from me. But showing you my new lingerie that I had chosen, flaunting myself in front of you, rubbing and teasing. That was something else. I wondered if I came across too strong, too hard. All the little fantasies emerging. I do feel we are getting closer as D/s and bonding in a truer sense. And although we discussed exploring and stretching your boundaries, I don’t want you to be too scared to tell me when to stop or you don’t like something. It is supposed to bring pleasure to both of us, and not be a one sided affair."

An Easter to remember

2009-08-17T20:05:00.004+01:00

Easter was the next time P came down to visit. It was a delicious mixture of friendship, close personal time and the continuation of our bonding with two sessions. I will let extracts of P's diaries to me explain how things developed.

"Our session was wonderful, it was so good to be able to kneel before you again and it felt so right. To feel your touch on my skin again, be it hard or soft. My Lady is everything I could hope for and more. I treasure our time together. You pushed me almost to my limits and I was momentarily tempted to use my safe-word. My nipples were so sensitive when you placed the bells on for the second time, but I still didn’t want to stop. I’m as curious to know exactly where my limits are as you are. I feel so alive in session, dressed or undressed to please you. I was so aroused by ALL of your actions, the sights of your tanned hands on my white skin, looking into your eyes as you touch me. Watching you put on the pink gloves was very erotic, knowing you would be touching me so intimately with them. The different lubes were interesting sensations and I thank you for being permitted to choose which I preferred. I was so aroused by your actions and treatment and watching you do it all. I wish you didn’t have to take my word for it, but could have seen the evidence for yourself. When you started to use my bullet on me, I was in heaven, so sensitive so ready so aroused. Then to finally manage to cum for you must show how you affect me, and for it to have happened several times! I’ve only ever cum once in the presence of someone else but this was also when someone else was touching me and several on the run, all firsts for me, and I will be forever grateful to you for them. It was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever experienced. Then to be able to lie in your arms afterwards was so calming, I know I was shaking and my heart beating so fast. I do truly feel at peace when I do though."

"We then had another incredible session. You looked so wonderful in the babydoll, so erotic and beautiful, I was honoured. What you said and did in the session wasn’t too much at all. I loved it, hearing you talk about fantasies I’ve shared with you and be teased with aspects of them. Feeling your body rub against mine was very arousing, knowing that you were affected by our session too. Your body is so beautiful I loved being able to see it, and the thought that one day I might be allowed to serve you in some way is mind-blowing. I will admit I pretty much hit my pain limit, or at any rate my current one this time, although I was fascinated by the colour it resulted in. Yet I still wasn’t ready to say my safe-word. I do think that we are bonding as D/s and know you are learning to read my body and my reactions. I do wish I was more able to talk to you in session though, I know you want me to, I hope that each time I can say a little more. I was getting a few little reminders of the session when I was sitting on the floor later on."

She is here

2009-07-25T21:08:00.003+01:00

And I am complete
For tomorrow she will kneel at my feet
And offer herself
For me to enjoy
For me to retrain
For me to restrain
For me to inspect
For me to punish
For me to love